Christmas.
I feel like I don't have anything profound or touching or spiritual to say for this day. I've been home from school for a week but it only feels like a day or two because I have been working so much. I worked for nine hours yesterday and am looking forward to another six today...people just love to go to movies on Christmas, I guess.
This has been a huge learning and growing year for me. I keep wondering when this is going to be easy, when I'm going to get a hang on life. Seems like it was much more simple when I was an emotional and disturbed teenager. Now nothing is as it seems, and I have to rethink every strategy I have because they all fail somehow.
While I don't particularly enjoy growing up, I can recognize ways that it's a good thing. I have learned to appreciate a lot of things in my life, particularly the Gospel.
I can tell you right now, I would be in the most wretched and squalid place if it weren't for the Gospel. I'm not much better than that, but at least I know how to use the Atonement in my life. That is the most important thing. Without it I am, we all are, nothing.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
Some Things that have been Disturbing Me.
1. Someone stole the "Arbeit Macht Frei" sign off the gates of Auschwitz. Why? Why would you steal a gigantic iron sign? Especially one that is a huge symbol of the power of unadulterared loathing and the possibility of overcoming that? Who is really that sick? Who?!
2. I was over at some friends' house at a game night gathering. One couple was late because they had been downtown and there was a Trax accident, so they had to wait for their train, and eventually decided to walk back to their car. What had happened was that a man had tried to ride the trax by hanging on to the outside, and when the train turned a corner, he fell under it and his legs got cut off. He made it to the hospital, where he died. But the report that the wife of this couple gave was "Sorry we're late, someong got run over by Trax and we had to walk SIX BLOCKS to our car!!" And about every 15 minutes after that, for the next 5-6 hours, she reminded us "At least you didn't have to walk SIX BLOCKS to your car tonight!" "I can't believe we had to walk SIX BLOCKS to our car!" "I'm tired, and I don't want to play the games because I had to walk SIX BLOCKS to the car tonight!" "I'm so sick of going downtown, especially if I have to walk SIX BLOCKS to my car afterwards!"
Six blocks. Takes about ten minutes. A man died. At Christmas. He is dead. His life is OVER. But you had to walk six blocks, so we'll let you be the most miserable person on the planet.
Society is really taking a down turn, my friends.
2. I was over at some friends' house at a game night gathering. One couple was late because they had been downtown and there was a Trax accident, so they had to wait for their train, and eventually decided to walk back to their car. What had happened was that a man had tried to ride the trax by hanging on to the outside, and when the train turned a corner, he fell under it and his legs got cut off. He made it to the hospital, where he died. But the report that the wife of this couple gave was "Sorry we're late, someong got run over by Trax and we had to walk SIX BLOCKS to our car!!" And about every 15 minutes after that, for the next 5-6 hours, she reminded us "At least you didn't have to walk SIX BLOCKS to your car tonight!" "I can't believe we had to walk SIX BLOCKS to our car!" "I'm tired, and I don't want to play the games because I had to walk SIX BLOCKS to the car tonight!" "I'm so sick of going downtown, especially if I have to walk SIX BLOCKS to my car afterwards!"
Six blocks. Takes about ten minutes. A man died. At Christmas. He is dead. His life is OVER. But you had to walk six blocks, so we'll let you be the most miserable person on the planet.
Society is really taking a down turn, my friends.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Semester Wrap-up
This has been a crazy semester. Being an English major is really starting to catch up to me...so much reading and writing. Probably why I haven't blogged too much...writing anything I don't have to isn't fun anymore because of all the writing I have to do... :( But I still love it, let's be honest. Not much better than producing a quality paper.
So I've had a unique situation this semester in that I'm living again with Tara Cottle, who I lived with my freshman and sophomore year, also. This is her first semester back from her mission, and we are also living with her MTC companion, Rachael Davidson. Our other three roommates are all first-semester freshmen. So we have three 23-yr-olds, and three freshmen. It is crazy. We've had fun with it, especially teaching the freshmen what's really up in college. :)
Also, Tara, Rachael and I have all had boyfriends this semester. It's funny because we were all 23-yr-old anti-men she-women basically. But it's way fun, our boyfriends all get along really well and so we do stuff together a lot. Last week we all went to The Nutcracker in Idaho Falls together. It was way fun...I was the only one who had seen the Nutcracker before, so it that was kind of amusing for me. Good times.
I finally got smart and started planning ahead and making a schedule for myself, so in this last week of school, all I have to do is read C.S. Lewis's "Grief Observed" and two chapters of my psych book. And that's it for finals. It's pretty awesome. I'm really exicted to go home and have Christmas though! YAY Christmas!
So I've had a unique situation this semester in that I'm living again with Tara Cottle, who I lived with my freshman and sophomore year, also. This is her first semester back from her mission, and we are also living with her MTC companion, Rachael Davidson. Our other three roommates are all first-semester freshmen. So we have three 23-yr-olds, and three freshmen. It is crazy. We've had fun with it, especially teaching the freshmen what's really up in college. :)
Also, Tara, Rachael and I have all had boyfriends this semester. It's funny because we were all 23-yr-old anti-men she-women basically. But it's way fun, our boyfriends all get along really well and so we do stuff together a lot. Last week we all went to The Nutcracker in Idaho Falls together. It was way fun...I was the only one who had seen the Nutcracker before, so it that was kind of amusing for me. Good times.
I finally got smart and started planning ahead and making a schedule for myself, so in this last week of school, all I have to do is read C.S. Lewis's "Grief Observed" and two chapters of my psych book. And that's it for finals. It's pretty awesome. I'm really exicted to go home and have Christmas though! YAY Christmas!
Monday, November 30, 2009
November
So, I pretty much haven't blogged for the last 6 weeks. They have been a busy 6 weeks, so I am going to make a list:
1. I went out on a few dates with this crazy kid, Austin Lovell. We actually have hung out every single day since October 10th (it all started with a Star Wars marathon). Our first date was on October 17th, to a concert at school (Guitars Unplugged). Or second was the next weekend to a haunted house (his trick to get me to hold his hand since heretofore I had been reluctant to do so), and finally on Halloween, we decided to date exclusively. That night we dressed up as Fred Weasley and Bellatrix LeStrange (not a couple, but a common theme) and went to the Halloween concert on campus, then down to his family's ranch in Ririe, Idaho, to ride 4-wheelers and watch scary movies and just hang out with a bunch of other friends. Now we've been dating for a month, obviously, and it's gone well so far. More work than I expected, but worth it.
2. School has been ridiculous. I'm taking this heinous class, Rhetorical Studies, which wouldn't be so bad if my teacher was teaching what the University wants him to teach. He think that's all nonsense so instead he is teaching in the classical Roman style, which wouldn't be so bad, except that we still have to complete the curriculum the school has set down for us, so we are left to do that completely on our own, so it's pretty much like taking two classes: one in class in which we analyze ancient literature, and the other ourside of class where we have to read and write everything the school has given in its curriculum. Because of that I am slacking in all of my other classes and am looking forward to my worst GPA ever.
3. My birthday was on the 10th, and we had a rock star themed party. My roommates made me a guitar shaped cake and we played Rock Band for almost 4 hours. I sang the whole time. It was lovely.
4. As part of my psychology class, we made goals for this semester, and mine was to go to the temple every week. So I've gone to the temple every week this month. :)
5. Austin and I went to Logan over Nov 6-7 to see an Aggies basketball game with Brynn and Jill. It was lovely. We were able to hang out with Amanda and Matt Laurendeau which was lovely, as always, and the basketball was amazing as always.
6. Austin took me "power-kiting." He and his brothers are really into it; basically you have a kite that is nearly the size of a parasail, and it pulls you around and lifts you off the ground...it was pretty exciting but also a little scary. In warmer weather I think I'd like it a lot more. :)
7. Austin also came home with me for Thanksgiving. It was pretty intense, and very little sleep was involved. We got to see a lot of friends that I haven't seen for a long time, mainly Larina Baxter who just got back from her mission in Mississippi, and Mark Shepard, my favorite guy friend of all time, who just got home from Iraq about two months ago. We saw 2012 which was a crazy intense movie, and Doubt, and I was the only one who liked it. We played a lot of Rock Band, and I got 99% singing on expert level on the song "Our Truth" by Lacuna Coil! It was a pretty happy moment. Also my friend Lloyd from London has been visiting the States for a few weeks, so we got to spend Friday morning with him, which was very exciting.
On Saturday night we went downtown for a concert that Kristan and Sarah were in, and it was Austin's first time at temple square, and it was perfect with all the lights and fun stuff going on. I think he really liked it. :)
It was a great November. I'm a fan.
1. I went out on a few dates with this crazy kid, Austin Lovell. We actually have hung out every single day since October 10th (it all started with a Star Wars marathon). Our first date was on October 17th, to a concert at school (Guitars Unplugged). Or second was the next weekend to a haunted house (his trick to get me to hold his hand since heretofore I had been reluctant to do so), and finally on Halloween, we decided to date exclusively. That night we dressed up as Fred Weasley and Bellatrix LeStrange (not a couple, but a common theme) and went to the Halloween concert on campus, then down to his family's ranch in Ririe, Idaho, to ride 4-wheelers and watch scary movies and just hang out with a bunch of other friends. Now we've been dating for a month, obviously, and it's gone well so far. More work than I expected, but worth it.
2. School has been ridiculous. I'm taking this heinous class, Rhetorical Studies, which wouldn't be so bad if my teacher was teaching what the University wants him to teach. He think that's all nonsense so instead he is teaching in the classical Roman style, which wouldn't be so bad, except that we still have to complete the curriculum the school has set down for us, so we are left to do that completely on our own, so it's pretty much like taking two classes: one in class in which we analyze ancient literature, and the other ourside of class where we have to read and write everything the school has given in its curriculum. Because of that I am slacking in all of my other classes and am looking forward to my worst GPA ever.
3. My birthday was on the 10th, and we had a rock star themed party. My roommates made me a guitar shaped cake and we played Rock Band for almost 4 hours. I sang the whole time. It was lovely.
4. As part of my psychology class, we made goals for this semester, and mine was to go to the temple every week. So I've gone to the temple every week this month. :)
5. Austin and I went to Logan over Nov 6-7 to see an Aggies basketball game with Brynn and Jill. It was lovely. We were able to hang out with Amanda and Matt Laurendeau which was lovely, as always, and the basketball was amazing as always.
6. Austin took me "power-kiting." He and his brothers are really into it; basically you have a kite that is nearly the size of a parasail, and it pulls you around and lifts you off the ground...it was pretty exciting but also a little scary. In warmer weather I think I'd like it a lot more. :)
7. Austin also came home with me for Thanksgiving. It was pretty intense, and very little sleep was involved. We got to see a lot of friends that I haven't seen for a long time, mainly Larina Baxter who just got back from her mission in Mississippi, and Mark Shepard, my favorite guy friend of all time, who just got home from Iraq about two months ago. We saw 2012 which was a crazy intense movie, and Doubt, and I was the only one who liked it. We played a lot of Rock Band, and I got 99% singing on expert level on the song "Our Truth" by Lacuna Coil! It was a pretty happy moment. Also my friend Lloyd from London has been visiting the States for a few weeks, so we got to spend Friday morning with him, which was very exciting.
On Saturday night we went downtown for a concert that Kristan and Sarah were in, and it was Austin's first time at temple square, and it was perfect with all the lights and fun stuff going on. I think he really liked it. :)It was a great November. I'm a fan.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Reunions
This weekend an old roommate of mine, Jessica Kenney, came up from Provo to visit. So we got together everyone in Rexburg who lived in Carriage House 307 with her and had lunch together today.We had Tara and I, and we are still living together (which I LOVE), Alison, and Emily, who is married and now has a 3-week-old baby (Hannah), and of course, Jessica. I am always nervous about reunions because I always worry if we'll still have anything to talk about since we're not living together anymore...or that we'll realize that we never liked each other...or something else just as ridiculous. Haha. I don't know why I worry about these things, but I do. But this went well, we caught up, laughed, all those good things.
And last night I ran into a friend who was in my ward my freshman year, and my FHE brother, and he also served the last six weeks of his mission in my ward in Germany, with his wife (sorry for the crappy syntax there). We chatted for about twenty minutes, maybe more, and it was really nice to talk to him and get to know his wife a bit more. Nothing but happy.
But somehow I always end up super pensive after these things happen and all I want to do is lock myself in my room for a few days and read and write afterwards... which is no good today because I have a date in three hours (bringing my college dating tally to the enormous number 8).
I think the reason I become so pensive is because I realize how much I love these people. Even people who are in my life for a matter of weeks, sometimes even days, sometimes even hours...I often take from them new paradigms, lessons, experiences, and on the occasion heartache. But if I've taken anything from any person in my life, chances are I'll remember them permanently (so far as I know...I'm not too old yet...). I just love people. I love what they do for me. Even when it's negative.
On the reverse of that, we went laser-tagging last night, and my ex-fiance is the general manager of the place where we went. I almost threw up from all the awkward tension in the air. So that was not the best reunion ever. Someday I hope he and I can have a pleasant reunion, though.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Pre-Professional Conference and other things
Today I presented my creative nonfiction piece called "How I Became the Most Confident Woman on Earth" at our school's pre-professional conference. We usually get guests, a poet and a novelist to come speak to us, and we have little classes about available careers for English majors...because we need that much help with it. So I talked with representatives from BYU, ISU, and USU about grad school. I haven't thought too much about grad school before this semester...but since I'm graduating in 6 months and have no idea what else to do...I'm thinking about it. I don't want to give the impression that I'm only going to grad school because I have nothing better to do. I just need to be doing something progressive...and this is the only thing I can make happen on my own so I'm going to do it. Probably. So now the question is...BYU or USU? BYU has the program that I want (MFA in Creative Writing) but USU is USU. :)
Today I finished reading A Thousand Splendid Suns for my literature class. It was intense. It's about two Afghani women who through circumstances beyond their control they are forced to marry the same abusive man, and how they learn to love each other through it all. It's by Khaled Hosseini, who wrote The Kite Runner, so it's contemporary and very graphic. Really made me see war differently, that's for sure. But it's beating around in my brain filling all the empty spaces with characters and heartaches that need to be told. I wish I had the guts to forego my homework and other obligations and just write for a whole day...week...month...life...
GC was pretty much the best, last weekend. I was able to go home and go to the Conference Center for the Sunday Morning session. I'm very blessed that way.
Tomorrow I am going to throw an Oktoberfest party tomorrow. It's kinda stressful but I'm really excited. :) Oktoberfest is AWESOME!! So I'm pretty excited about that.
Of course there has been a lot going on at school...thus why I haven't written for so long, and thus why this is going to be ending pretty quick here. Sometime I will catch up on all of the important stuff. For now, I am going to delve back into reading, which I never really stop doing...
And someone remind me to sometime post my creative nonfiction piece eventually. :)
Today I finished reading A Thousand Splendid Suns for my literature class. It was intense. It's about two Afghani women who through circumstances beyond their control they are forced to marry the same abusive man, and how they learn to love each other through it all. It's by Khaled Hosseini, who wrote The Kite Runner, so it's contemporary and very graphic. Really made me see war differently, that's for sure. But it's beating around in my brain filling all the empty spaces with characters and heartaches that need to be told. I wish I had the guts to forego my homework and other obligations and just write for a whole day...week...month...life...
GC was pretty much the best, last weekend. I was able to go home and go to the Conference Center for the Sunday Morning session. I'm very blessed that way.
Tomorrow I am going to throw an Oktoberfest party tomorrow. It's kinda stressful but I'm really excited. :) Oktoberfest is AWESOME!! So I'm pretty excited about that.
Of course there has been a lot going on at school...thus why I haven't written for so long, and thus why this is going to be ending pretty quick here. Sometime I will catch up on all of the important stuff. For now, I am going to delve back into reading, which I never really stop doing...
And someone remind me to sometime post my creative nonfiction piece eventually. :)
Friday, September 18, 2009
Tokio Hotel
Tokio Hotel is a German band that was HUGE when I was in Germany. I never listened to them, nor did anyone I know listen to them, because they looked so screamo. But when I came home and was playing Guitar Hero World Tour with my FHE brother, his girlfriend saw "Monsoon" by Tokio Hotel on the list and made us play it because they are one of her favorite bands. I was singing, of course, and I really liked the lyrics of the song. So I eventually got around to listening to some other songs from them.
There are two songs of theirs that really stick out to me:
Rette Mich
Zum ersten Mal alleine
In unserem Versteck.
Ich seh noch unseren Namen an der Wand
Und wisch sie wieder weg.
Ich wollt dir alles anvertrauen.
Warum bist du abgehauen?
Komm zurück
Nimm mich mit
Komm und rette mich,
Ich verbrenne innerlich.
Komm und rette mich
Ich schaff’s nicht ohne dich.
Komm und rette mich
Rette mich
Rette mich
Unsere Träume waren gelogen
Und keine Träne echt.
Sag das das nicht wahr ist,
Sag’s mir jetzt.
Vielleicht hörst du irgendwo,
Mein SOS im Radio!
Hörst du mich? Hörst du mich nicht?
Komm und rette mich
Ich verbrenne innerlich.
Komm und rette mich
Ich schaff’s nicht ohne dich.
Komm und rette mich
Rette mich
Dich und mich
Dich und mich
Dich und mich
[dich und mich]
Ich seh noch uns’ren Namen und wisch sie wieder weg
[dich und mich]
Unsere Träume waren gelogen
[dich und mich]
Und keine Träne echt
Hörst du mich? Hörst du mich nicht?
Komm und rette mich
Rette mich
Komm und rette mich
Ich verbrenne innerlich.
Komm und rette mich
Ich schaff’s nicht ohne dich.
Komm und rette mich
Rette mich
Rette mich
Rette mich
Rette mich
And Durch den Monsun (Monsoon in German)
Das Fenster öffnet sich nicht mehr
hier drin ist es voll von dir und mehr
und vor mir geht die letzte Kerze aus.
ich warte schon ne Ewigkeit endlich ist es jetzt soweit
da draußen ziehen die schwarzen Wolken auf.
Ich muss durch den Monsun
Hinter die Welt
Ans Ende der Zeit bis kein Regen mehr fällt
Gegen den Sturm am Abgrund entlang
und wenn ich nicht mehr kann denk ich daran
Irgendwann laufen wir zusamm
durch den Monsun
Ein halber Mond versinkt vor mir war der eben noch bei dir?
Und hält er wirklich was er mir verspricht.
Ich weiss das ich dich finden kann
Hör deinen Namen im Orkan
Ich glaub noch mehr dran glauben kann ich nicht
Ich muss durch den Monsun
Hinter die Welt
Ans Ende der Zeit bis kein Regen mehr fällt
Gegen den Sturm am Abgrund entlang
und wenn ich nicht mehr kann denk ich daran
Irgendwann laufen wir zusamm
Weil uns einfach nichts mehr halten kann
Durch den Monsun
Hey
Hey
Ich kämpf mich durch die Mächte
hinter dieser Tür
werde sie besiegen
Und dann führn sie mich zu dir
Dann wird alles gut
Dann wird alles gut
Wird alles gut
Alles gut
Ich muss durch den Monsun
Hinter die Welt
Ans Ende der Zeit bis kein Regen mehr fällt
Gegen den Sturm am Abgrund entlang
und wenn ich nicht mehr kann denk ich daran
Irgendwann laufen wir zusamm
Weil uns einfach nichts mehr halten kann
Durch den Monsun
Durch den Monsun
Dann wird alles gut
Durch den Monsun
Dann wird alles gut
They have three German cds and one English cds (full of songs from their other cds, just in English). The German is way more touching than the English...so that's why I'm posting them in German. :)
There are two songs of theirs that really stick out to me:
Rette Mich
Zum ersten Mal alleine
In unserem Versteck.
Ich seh noch unseren Namen an der Wand
Und wisch sie wieder weg.
Ich wollt dir alles anvertrauen.
Warum bist du abgehauen?
Komm zurück
Nimm mich mit
Komm und rette mich,
Ich verbrenne innerlich.
Komm und rette mich
Ich schaff’s nicht ohne dich.
Komm und rette mich
Rette mich
Rette mich
Unsere Träume waren gelogen
Und keine Träne echt.
Sag das das nicht wahr ist,
Sag’s mir jetzt.
Vielleicht hörst du irgendwo,
Mein SOS im Radio!
Hörst du mich? Hörst du mich nicht?
Komm und rette mich
Ich verbrenne innerlich.
Komm und rette mich
Ich schaff’s nicht ohne dich.
Komm und rette mich
Rette mich
Dich und mich
Dich und mich
Dich und mich
[dich und mich]
Ich seh noch uns’ren Namen und wisch sie wieder weg
[dich und mich]
Unsere Träume waren gelogen
[dich und mich]
Und keine Träne echt
Hörst du mich? Hörst du mich nicht?
Komm und rette mich
Rette mich
Komm und rette mich
Ich verbrenne innerlich.
Komm und rette mich
Ich schaff’s nicht ohne dich.
Komm und rette mich
Rette mich
Rette mich
Rette mich
Rette mich
And Durch den Monsun (Monsoon in German)
Das Fenster öffnet sich nicht mehr
hier drin ist es voll von dir und mehr
und vor mir geht die letzte Kerze aus.
ich warte schon ne Ewigkeit endlich ist es jetzt soweit
da draußen ziehen die schwarzen Wolken auf.
Ich muss durch den Monsun
Hinter die Welt
Ans Ende der Zeit bis kein Regen mehr fällt
Gegen den Sturm am Abgrund entlang
und wenn ich nicht mehr kann denk ich daran
Irgendwann laufen wir zusamm
durch den Monsun
Ein halber Mond versinkt vor mir war der eben noch bei dir?
Und hält er wirklich was er mir verspricht.
Ich weiss das ich dich finden kann
Hör deinen Namen im Orkan
Ich glaub noch mehr dran glauben kann ich nicht
Ich muss durch den Monsun
Hinter die Welt
Ans Ende der Zeit bis kein Regen mehr fällt
Gegen den Sturm am Abgrund entlang
und wenn ich nicht mehr kann denk ich daran
Irgendwann laufen wir zusamm
Weil uns einfach nichts mehr halten kann
Durch den Monsun
Hey
Hey
Ich kämpf mich durch die Mächte
hinter dieser Tür
werde sie besiegen
Und dann führn sie mich zu dir
Dann wird alles gut
Dann wird alles gut
Wird alles gut
Alles gut
Ich muss durch den Monsun
Hinter die Welt
Ans Ende der Zeit bis kein Regen mehr fällt
Gegen den Sturm am Abgrund entlang
und wenn ich nicht mehr kann denk ich daran
Irgendwann laufen wir zusamm
Weil uns einfach nichts mehr halten kann
Durch den Monsun
Durch den Monsun
Dann wird alles gut
Durch den Monsun
Dann wird alles gut
They have three German cds and one English cds (full of songs from their other cds, just in English). The German is way more touching than the English...so that's why I'm posting them in German. :)
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Last Day
As everyone should know by now, I was working in a movie theater this summer. And as you could probably guess, my job became a big chunk of my life.
The point of movies is to pull you away from reality for a while, and completely envelop you in another world, sight, sound, and even touch. Working in a theater has that effect on you, too. There is nothing outside the theater world. You know no one except those you work with, you had no life before, you have no life after, because you will never stop working there.
I know that sounds horrible, like some kind of jumanji, and honestly, at times it was. But there were also wonderful times, when I loved everyone that I worked with, and I loved being at work and didn't want to leave after I got off. Now that it's over...I think it was honestly more the latter.
I learned SO MUCH from so many people that I worked with. I would like to sit here and list them all and what I learned from them...but that would be so long and ridiculous, just like all the rest of my blogs. So I will try to say it in one word for each person.
Abby: optimism
Adam: acceptance
Amber: adoration
Brandi: altruism
Brian: patience
Carolyn: gumption
Chad: charity
Dalan: forgiveness
Dale: affability
Glen: everything
James: cheerfulness
Jarrett: self-worth
John: appreciation
Julio: attention
Justin: progression
Karli: devotion
Keeley: amiability
Lisa: tenacity
Matt B: generosity
Matt H: philanthropy
Nicki: friendliness
Sarah: light-heartedness
Sharon: dedication
Sterling: laughter
Sue Ann: goodwill
Travis: kinship
Tyler B: enthusiasm
Tyler W: vivacity
Zach: affection
I doubt these are the things that anyone would expect they've taught me, but this is really how it went down for me. Most of them came from just one positive defining experience. Some came from a number of defining positive experiences, and some came from a conglomeration of defining positive and negative experiences. But no matter how I learned it, I am really grateful that I was able to work with these people. :)
The point of movies is to pull you away from reality for a while, and completely envelop you in another world, sight, sound, and even touch. Working in a theater has that effect on you, too. There is nothing outside the theater world. You know no one except those you work with, you had no life before, you have no life after, because you will never stop working there.
I know that sounds horrible, like some kind of jumanji, and honestly, at times it was. But there were also wonderful times, when I loved everyone that I worked with, and I loved being at work and didn't want to leave after I got off. Now that it's over...I think it was honestly more the latter.
I learned SO MUCH from so many people that I worked with. I would like to sit here and list them all and what I learned from them...but that would be so long and ridiculous, just like all the rest of my blogs. So I will try to say it in one word for each person.
Abby: optimism
Adam: acceptance
Amber: adoration
Brandi: altruism
Brian: patience
Carolyn: gumption
Chad: charity
Dalan: forgiveness
Dale: affability
Glen: everything
James: cheerfulness
Jarrett: self-worth
John: appreciation
Julio: attention
Justin: progression
Karli: devotion
Keeley: amiability
Lisa: tenacity
Matt B: generosity
Matt H: philanthropy
Nicki: friendliness
Sarah: light-heartedness
Sharon: dedication
Sterling: laughter
Sue Ann: goodwill
Travis: kinship
Tyler B: enthusiasm
Tyler W: vivacity
Zach: affection
I doubt these are the things that anyone would expect they've taught me, but this is really how it went down for me. Most of them came from just one positive defining experience. Some came from a number of defining positive experiences, and some came from a conglomeration of defining positive and negative experiences. But no matter how I learned it, I am really grateful that I was able to work with these people. :)
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
One Year
Today marks that I have officially been home from Germany for a year.
I've been dreading this day for a year. Especially since in that year the most traveling I've done is back and forth between Utah and Idaho.
I just wanted to organize some thoughts about the past year.
I finished two more semesters of school. I will start my last two in 9 days.
I changed my minor from Biology to Psychology. I'm very glad about this. I absolutely love the psych classes I've taken so far. They are almost, and sometimes even more, as thrilling as my English classes. I loved biology, and may someday pursue another degree in it for now, but I think English and psychology are much more compatible.
I lived in a house, rather than an apartment during the past school year. It was a different experience, but I think I prefer apartments for the college lifestyle because it is easier to make friends with your neighbors...because you have some. :)
My social circle at school started over, because everyone I was friends with before had gotten married, graduated, or transferred while I was in Germany. I'm very glad about this, because I changed so much in Germany and it was nice to be able to start over and make true, lasting friendships, and the old ones that were made of real substance have lasted through the distance and changes, so now I can say that all of my friends are beloved to me.
I did lose a few friends, but I think I'm better off for it. I think the biggest thing I learned this year was how to love others, and myself, for who they really, truly are. Pasts and futures don't matter; interests and hobbies don't matter; what matters is the heart and humanity of each person. Some people don't want to take the time and effort to get to know that aspect of other people, and I just feel sad for their hollow lives.
I was selected to attend and read a paper at the National Undergraduate Literature Conference in April. Made me feel really smart and professional and crazy English nerdy.
I worked for 4 months at a movie theater. I saw:
Monsters vs. Aliens
Wolverine
Star Trek
Angels and Demons
Terminator Salvation
17 Again
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
Night and the Museum 2
Year One
Land of the Lost
The Taking of Pelham 123
The Proposal
Up
Public Enemies
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
My Sister's Keeper
Ice Age 3
I Love You, Beth Cooper
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
GI Joe
District 9
Julie & Julia
500 Days of Summer
Ponyo
Time Traveler's Wife
I saw Harry Potter the most (4 times) and my favorites were Star Trek and 500 Days of Summer.
I had 8 failed romances in the past year, and 1 successful one (so far).
I went camping with my family to Capitol Reef, which is definitely my most favorite National Park so far. I also went on a short backpacking trip with my dad and Camilla and Kristan.
I edited my friend's dad's book. I'm not sure what stage of production the book is in now, but I finished editing it about a month ago. That feels crazy accomplished for someone in my stage of life.
I've had red hair for almost a year. October 8th will be the official date for that one.
I lost 15 lbs this summer! My goal is 15 more before March 2011. Doable.
I only had 5 weddings this summer. Two friends from high school, one former missionary I met in Germany, one former roommate, and my Best Friend.
I only went to two concerts, Hinder on Oct. 25, and Cheap Trick/Poison/Def Leppard on August 25. Both were among the most amazing concerts I've ever seen.
I went to the dinosaur museum at Thanksgiving Point, which might be my most favorite museum ever. Tied with the Bean Museum, and the natural history museum in Vienna. I guess I like dead animals or something...
I didn't read a lot of books for fun...got too tied up with reading books for classes, but I did reread A Separate Peace which I love, and I read The Art of Seduction which is fascinating. I read my first Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice) for my Fiction into Film class. I didn't hate it, as expected. Can't say it's my favorite though. Besides the line "what are men compared to rocks and mountains?" which is entirely true. I did acquire a lot of literature though, which makes me really happy. :)
I was introduced to a lot of new bands (new to me) that I love:
Blue Oyster Cult
Scorpions (both of those I already knew and loved the songs of, but didn't have the band name and songs together before. Happens a lot with classic rock)
Tokio Hotel
Rush (same as the other classic rock bands)
The Mars Volta
Lacuna Coil
Theory of a Dead Man
10 Years
Within Temptation
Side note: Is it sad that some of the biggest parts of my year revolve around music and movies?
I am very sad that it's been so long since I left my home in Europe, but I think I have grown in only good ways during this year, and I'm very excited for the year to come!
I've been dreading this day for a year. Especially since in that year the most traveling I've done is back and forth between Utah and Idaho.
I just wanted to organize some thoughts about the past year.
I finished two more semesters of school. I will start my last two in 9 days.
I changed my minor from Biology to Psychology. I'm very glad about this. I absolutely love the psych classes I've taken so far. They are almost, and sometimes even more, as thrilling as my English classes. I loved biology, and may someday pursue another degree in it for now, but I think English and psychology are much more compatible.
I lived in a house, rather than an apartment during the past school year. It was a different experience, but I think I prefer apartments for the college lifestyle because it is easier to make friends with your neighbors...because you have some. :)
My social circle at school started over, because everyone I was friends with before had gotten married, graduated, or transferred while I was in Germany. I'm very glad about this, because I changed so much in Germany and it was nice to be able to start over and make true, lasting friendships, and the old ones that were made of real substance have lasted through the distance and changes, so now I can say that all of my friends are beloved to me.
I did lose a few friends, but I think I'm better off for it. I think the biggest thing I learned this year was how to love others, and myself, for who they really, truly are. Pasts and futures don't matter; interests and hobbies don't matter; what matters is the heart and humanity of each person. Some people don't want to take the time and effort to get to know that aspect of other people, and I just feel sad for their hollow lives.
I was selected to attend and read a paper at the National Undergraduate Literature Conference in April. Made me feel really smart and professional and crazy English nerdy.
I worked for 4 months at a movie theater. I saw:
Monsters vs. Aliens
Wolverine
Star Trek
Angels and Demons
Terminator Salvation
17 Again
Ghosts of Girlfriends Past
Night and the Museum 2
Year One
Land of the Lost
The Taking of Pelham 123
The Proposal
Up
Public Enemies
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
My Sister's Keeper
Ice Age 3
I Love You, Beth Cooper
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
GI Joe
District 9
Julie & Julia
500 Days of Summer
Ponyo
Time Traveler's Wife
I saw Harry Potter the most (4 times) and my favorites were Star Trek and 500 Days of Summer.
I had 8 failed romances in the past year, and 1 successful one (so far).
I went camping with my family to Capitol Reef, which is definitely my most favorite National Park so far. I also went on a short backpacking trip with my dad and Camilla and Kristan.
I edited my friend's dad's book. I'm not sure what stage of production the book is in now, but I finished editing it about a month ago. That feels crazy accomplished for someone in my stage of life.
I've had red hair for almost a year. October 8th will be the official date for that one.
I lost 15 lbs this summer! My goal is 15 more before March 2011. Doable.
I only had 5 weddings this summer. Two friends from high school, one former missionary I met in Germany, one former roommate, and my Best Friend.
I only went to two concerts, Hinder on Oct. 25, and Cheap Trick/Poison/Def Leppard on August 25. Both were among the most amazing concerts I've ever seen.
I went to the dinosaur museum at Thanksgiving Point, which might be my most favorite museum ever. Tied with the Bean Museum, and the natural history museum in Vienna. I guess I like dead animals or something...
I didn't read a lot of books for fun...got too tied up with reading books for classes, but I did reread A Separate Peace which I love, and I read The Art of Seduction which is fascinating. I read my first Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice) for my Fiction into Film class. I didn't hate it, as expected. Can't say it's my favorite though. Besides the line "what are men compared to rocks and mountains?" which is entirely true. I did acquire a lot of literature though, which makes me really happy. :)
I was introduced to a lot of new bands (new to me) that I love:
Blue Oyster Cult
Scorpions (both of those I already knew and loved the songs of, but didn't have the band name and songs together before. Happens a lot with classic rock)
Tokio Hotel
Rush (same as the other classic rock bands)
The Mars Volta
Lacuna Coil
Theory of a Dead Man
10 Years
Within Temptation
Side note: Is it sad that some of the biggest parts of my year revolve around music and movies?
I am very sad that it's been so long since I left my home in Europe, but I think I have grown in only good ways during this year, and I'm very excited for the year to come!
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Oh, Glen
What I really should do is write a blog about every single person that I've worked with this summer, because I've never met such a group of quirky oddballs. But I probably won't get around to that, so for now I will just write a blog about the most important one, and then I'll eviscerate the rest in fiction. :)
On my 3rd day of work, they had me train a new employee on the podium (tearing people's tickets and directing them to their theaters). His name was Glen Garets.
I'm sure my eyebrows raised the first time I laid eyes on him. He is 5'5" and somewhere close to 100 lbs.
After telling him the basics of tearing someone's tickets for about 2 minutes, we started chatting about the really important stuff. I don't remember how it came up, but within about 3 minutes, he made some reference to Fight Club, and I got so excited. "I love that movie!!" I said. Glen's jaw dropped. "It's my favorite." He pointed to his name badge, which said: "Glen, Fight Club" because all of our badges have our favorite movies on them. And immediately we started talking about anarchy and how amazing Brad Pitt and Edward Norton are (Brad is Glen's favorite actor, Edward is mine).
A few days later we were cleaning together and Glen said something about how awesome Eminem is. "Shut up. I totally love him." "No, you don't." "Ja, I really do." "Are you being sarcastic?" "No, I really do love Eminem." And the friendship was cemented.
Glen is a hedonist, and I am a transcendentalist. You'd think we'd disagree about everything. But I think what makes us such good friends is the fact that we can put labels like that on each other and both know what we're talking about. We drop psycho-babble and philosophical jargon into every conversation. We discuss literature, poetry, music, and movies on an intellectual level that I usually only find among other English majors. It is totally thrilling.
Glen thinks that he is God's gift to women, and I think that I am God's gift to men. So that works out nicely too, because we can constantly stroke each other's egos (which are insatiable) which only makes us care about each other even more.
We obviously lead extremely different lifestyles (as a hedonist, Glen seeks pleasure of every kind just for the sake of having pleasure. As a transcendentalist, I seek out every opportunity that will broaden my experience and help me become a better, more noble person) but we absolutely respect each other's decisions. Granted, there are the occasions where we'll try to convert each other to our own lifestyle, but we don't care if it actually happens.
We are able to pull this off because a priority in both of our lifestyles is getting to know people for who they really are and caring about them regardless. With both of us putting forth this kind of effort, Glen and I quickly became very close.
It is a miraculous and special thing to have a friend that will support you, and help you make the best decisions for yourself, especially if he doesn't necessarily agree with those decisions. Glen and I give each other advice about everything, and it's wonderful because we can be so objective (because of our clashing lifestyles) but we also care about each other so much that all our advice is directed into helping the other person be true to themself and become better.
This is a rare and precious dynamic that I am deeply grateful for. I can definitely say that Glen is one of the best things that has happened to me this summer.
On my 3rd day of work, they had me train a new employee on the podium (tearing people's tickets and directing them to their theaters). His name was Glen Garets.
I'm sure my eyebrows raised the first time I laid eyes on him. He is 5'5" and somewhere close to 100 lbs.
After telling him the basics of tearing someone's tickets for about 2 minutes, we started chatting about the really important stuff. I don't remember how it came up, but within about 3 minutes, he made some reference to Fight Club, and I got so excited. "I love that movie!!" I said. Glen's jaw dropped. "It's my favorite." He pointed to his name badge, which said: "Glen, Fight Club" because all of our badges have our favorite movies on them. And immediately we started talking about anarchy and how amazing Brad Pitt and Edward Norton are (Brad is Glen's favorite actor, Edward is mine).
A few days later we were cleaning together and Glen said something about how awesome Eminem is. "Shut up. I totally love him." "No, you don't." "Ja, I really do." "Are you being sarcastic?" "No, I really do love Eminem." And the friendship was cemented.
Glen is a hedonist, and I am a transcendentalist. You'd think we'd disagree about everything. But I think what makes us such good friends is the fact that we can put labels like that on each other and both know what we're talking about. We drop psycho-babble and philosophical jargon into every conversation. We discuss literature, poetry, music, and movies on an intellectual level that I usually only find among other English majors. It is totally thrilling.
Glen thinks that he is God's gift to women, and I think that I am God's gift to men. So that works out nicely too, because we can constantly stroke each other's egos (which are insatiable) which only makes us care about each other even more.
We obviously lead extremely different lifestyles (as a hedonist, Glen seeks pleasure of every kind just for the sake of having pleasure. As a transcendentalist, I seek out every opportunity that will broaden my experience and help me become a better, more noble person) but we absolutely respect each other's decisions. Granted, there are the occasions where we'll try to convert each other to our own lifestyle, but we don't care if it actually happens.
We are able to pull this off because a priority in both of our lifestyles is getting to know people for who they really are and caring about them regardless. With both of us putting forth this kind of effort, Glen and I quickly became very close.
It is a miraculous and special thing to have a friend that will support you, and help you make the best decisions for yourself, especially if he doesn't necessarily agree with those decisions. Glen and I give each other advice about everything, and it's wonderful because we can be so objective (because of our clashing lifestyles) but we also care about each other so much that all our advice is directed into helping the other person be true to themself and become better.
This is a rare and precious dynamic that I am deeply grateful for. I can definitely say that Glen is one of the best things that has happened to me this summer.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
It was bound to happen sooner or later: This is why I Hate Twilight
A Malicious and Vindictive Diatribe on Twilight
by Laura Whitney
As a disclaimer, I would like to start out by saying that this is not an attack on Stephenie Meyer. I think her ideas were right and rare; I admire her rags to riches story, and I don’t think the effects of her writing could have been anticipated on her part. The only crime she committed was not enough research, revising, and editing before she took the book to the publishers — a common mistake among inexperienced writers. This essay is merely an extrapolation on how the Twilight series has become a symbol for the expansive corruption and loss of morals by the general society in which we mill about in our daily lives, a society that is looking more like an inbred cockroach infestation than humanity at this point.
There are two primary reasons why Twilight is a beacon of the weaknesses of our global society. The first is its infinite popularity despite deep and obvious literary flaws, namely redundant and indulgent writing techniques, as well as a significant lack of the essential characteristics of good literature, as in what makes literature timeless: relevance to universal audiences, vast or even unending interpretive possibilities, and the expression of moral implications in such a way that expands, changes, or challenges the view point and knowledge of each reader. The second reason for Twilight’s depravity is the fact that it is even possible for the fan following and effects such a story would have on womankind: evidence of the corrosion of gender roles.
I have been writing for as long as I can remember. When I was in 1st or 2nd grade, I remember our teacher assigning us to write a story about Christmas cookies or something of that nature, and she told us to try to make the story at least two pages (front only) long. Mine was in the neighborhood of seven. My teacher pulled me aside and told me that I had a talent beyond anyone else in the class. I didn’t think much of it then, but by the time I commenced from elementary school, I had started two books, both of which were beyond novella length. The point is, when I read Twilight I was immediately reminded of those books I started ten or twelve years ago. Since then I have taken creative writing and publishing classes in junior high, high school, and college. Stephenie Meyer graduated with a degree in creative writing, so I imagine she went through similar preparation. But her novel was still produced at the level of a marginally talented twelve-year-old.
What happened to the voice of the teacher suggesting to try different adjectives? Edward is beautiful. Edward is beautiful. Edward is breathtakingly beautiful? REALLY? What about the use of verbs as descriptors instead of adverbs? Use verbs that actually punch instead of using floppy verbs and telling us that they punched. Ok, you’ve got “muttered” and “murmured” instead of “said quietly.” Oh, there they are again, on about every facing page, three or four times. Diverse. Powerful stuff. If this is coming across as scornful and condescending, I won’t tell you that it isn’t, because currently I am studying the conventions of a sentence, and how I can break those conventions; for, when a sentence starts with a subject and ends with a predicate, with only few commas and no semi-colons (not to mention colons or em-dashes), I am overcome with ennui; but then, at least, I can bathe in the pleasure of passivity and the subjunctive mood; unfortunately, however, this cannot satisfy my appetite for appositives and conjunctions, or for the breathlessness of a daring sentence fragment or interjection — alas if only I were indulging myself with true literature.
And what is true literature? Why, it is anything written that wrenches men’s souls from the dark, and forces them into a blinding light, where they don’t sparkle, but their grotesque, misshapen forms cry, “Fix me Mold me into something greater ” And the time-tested, time-approved way of accomplishing this is through the archetype. Archetypes are characterizations that are so general and universal that no one can deny them, because everyone sees a part of them (the archetypes) in themselves (the people), and a part of them (the people) in themselves (the archetypes). I once wrote an explication of J.R.R. Tolkien’s use of the archetype in his trilogy The Lord of the Rings in order to accomplish the objectives of reawakening a sense of the mythic among society and establishing a mythology for his home country of England, through which he hoped to move his people into a more conscientious and moral way of living. This is the objective of all great literature. I should like to reference that paper in its entirety right here, however that would take phenomenal space as well as any reader’s attention span, so I will conclude that as Carl Jung asserts, the archetype truly does speak more deeply than anything else to human motivation and emotion.
However, archetypes are hard to develop. They must be completely round, yet completely human and believable. To make one requires one to study their character in whole, every single personality quirk and facet, every moment of the character’s past, and every hidden part of the character’s psyche. But doesn’t the author just tell the character what to do when they want them to do it? you may wonder. No. A real author knows that they may conceive a character on their own, but from the moment of conception that character is its own entity, and will act according to its own will, and the author must then set up a series of situations in which they can predict the characters’ reactions to give them the desired action to propel the story forward along the line of plot. If the author tries to tell the character what to do and when to do it, the character loses its dimensionality, its relevance, and its mythic effects on the reader. The character is merely a puppet, without will or responsibility, and cannot reach the souls of the readers who encounter it. Such is the plight of the clumsy, witless girl and the stalking predator.
In addition to basic characterization, there are archetypes for story structure. There are truly only a few stories in the world that keep presenting themselves in different ways: man vs. man, man vs. nature, and man vs. self. The concept of Twilight presents great potential for the conflicts of man vs. nature (Bella vs. Edward’s demonism) and man vs. self (Edward vs. his demonism), but because of the underdeveloped characters, these conflicts must remain underdeveloped as well. As a result their affection for each other isn’t the result of a larger-than-life barrier that has been overcome, it is not the result of true acceptance and trust built over a long period of time, it is simply the result of the grand orchestrator telling them to love each other. To those familiar with the depths of true love, the superficiality of the relationship which is the driving force of the plot is unbearable. Because the characters lack personality, all that is created between them is lust. Albeit eternal, insatiable lust, but lust nonetheless. Sadly, this actually does reflect real life, among those who have not used their minds to discover their own personal depths and thus the depths of another human. There are many relationships and families that have been founded in such a lustful beginning.
This lustful relationship should not give the characters the kind of motivation they have to stay together despite their specie limitations. But they do stay together. Why? Because the grand orchestrator told them to. There is no foundation to their relationship besides a scent and the color of one’s eyes. This does not, or at least should not, speak to the depths of the souls of the readers. It is irrelevant to anyone’s real life besides perhaps a young teenager whose brain hasn’t fully developed and has come across strong physical magnetism for the first time. Anyone outside of this category should not be swept into the spell of Edward Cullen.
Why is it then, that women (and a few men) across the globe have been captivated by the blood-sucker? Perhaps it is because he was endowed with many desirable traits. He’s apparently a Greek god (although who knows what that really looks like or feels like?), he’s cultured, and well-mannered. Yes, many women find this to be lacking in the men in their lives. But I don’t think this is enough to trigger the obsessive mania that surrounds Edward Cullen. No, I think this is a direct result of the squalor in which our present society finds itself. In our society we’ve largely come to ignore archetypes and myths, because they are inconvenient. They are steeped in layers of meaning. Twilight has one interpretation only, and that is boy and girl overcome ludicrous obstacles in order to satiate their lust for each other. The profundity is astounding. No, most people want the easy way out: that is why they watch movies instead of reading books. There are times when taking the easy way out is acceptable. But a time when it is never acceptable is when it concerns their own minds or human relationships, and a romance novel deals with both. The fact that Twilight became as popular as it did relies on this principle of human weakness.
The problem with wanting to take the easy route in understanding one’s own mind or the dynamics of a human relationship, is that one simply cannot reach full understanding that way. And this creates and perpetuates shallow people who form shallow relationships. This is why Twilight achieved the popularity that it did. It gave women everywhere (and yes, those few men) an “idealistic” example of an easy relationship.
Wait you’re telling me. Bella and Edward did not have it easy. First, there was the vampire problem (oh, you mean the problem where he wanted to EAT her?) and then he had to keep protecting her (because he brought her into a world of dangers she would’ve never had to face had he resisted the original temptation of being her “lover?”) and then there was the whole Jacob episode (you mean where she pretty much cheated on Edward all over the place?) and then finally making the decision to have Bella become a vampire (but if they were truly in love, wouldn’t that decision be an easy one to make?). So not an easy path to love.
That’s not what I’m saying. Once you’re in love, there are all sorts of crazy problems that arise which you must overcome. What I’m talking about is the fact that they just had to have a conversation, ONE CONVERSATION, to fall eternally in love with each other. I’m not going to suggest here that love can only come over a very long period of time and getting to know every detail of the other person first. I do think love happens very quickly. But I think after one conversation, the most that is emotionally possible is intrigue. But Edward and Bella were built for each other Tell me how they complement each other, cause all I’m seeing is having the right blood type and being too stupid to be afraid of a destructive predator in the one puzzle piece, and a hundred years of practice to become the perfect charmer in the other puzzle piece. So Edward could clearly seduce anyone (which he nearly has) and Bella just has to run into the right predator (which she did, twice, evidently). Brilliant. My favorite part is how they connect not only hormonally, but also emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually.
Another reason why their relationship is easy: they sacrificed very little for each other. In fact, I might say that their only sacrifice was Bella’s family once she finally decided to become a vampire as well. Other than that, Edward was saving Bella from situations he got her into. This was not a sacrifice, because it was a direct result (as suggested above) of his selfish decision to keep her in his presence regardless of the danger he and his family and his enemies presented. He gave in to that original temptation, and Bella gave in to the original temptation of attention, and from that moment forward, the entire relationship was a series selfish decisions made in the name of love.
Now, hold on. Edward tried to repent, per say, of this temptation in New Moon. He pushed her away. Yep, he sure did, and as a result, she becomes heavily distracted by Jacob (who also happens to be a predator. I’m beginning to wonder if she had AB blood, or maybe O negative; something rare anyway). I feel it is safe to say that anyone who is actually in love with another person would not be capable of such a distraction. Yes, I do think you could possibly be physically intimate with someone while being in love with another. I do think you can sincerely enjoy the company of another while being in love. But I don’t think, when you are in love, really and truly, that any other person will ever measure up. And I think that this schema of the loved one lasts for a drawn out period of time, even if the loved one has left without hope of return. So I would argue that the entire Jacob infatuation is further evidence of Bella’s selfishness and easiness (easiness being a direct result of lack of personality).
This is what thousands of women across the planet are identifying with. A shallow, selfish individual, who takes very little control over her own life. A character who makes nearly zero rational decisions. And women everywhere envy her. They envy her because she got a “perfect man.” This envy is poisonous for two reasons: 1. Edward should not be everyone’s picture of a perfect man and 2. Envy inspires mimicry, and mimicry of such a feeble-minded female will only escalate more problems in the male/female dynamic.
It is widely known that men don’t understand women. What is less covered by popular media is the fact that women don’t understand women, and much, much less do they understand men. This leads to many cruelties on the part of women. They live by many double standards, which they can neither explain nor justify if they can actually be persuaded to recognize the existence of these double standards. As a relevant example, women want to be rescued, seduced, and protected by the equivalent of a Greek god (Adonis?) or a super hero. The problem with this is they hold every man to that standard, a standard not based on any individual, and clearly not based on anything human, but rather something like a Platonic idealized form, something of legend, where all the real facts have been lost. This is what women have come to expect, rather than discovering the hero inside of each individual man and measuring him up to that standard only. No, that’s much too hard; it’s much easier to sit and wait for a real hero, or even to sell out on our dreams and settle for less than we want and resent it for the rest of our lives.
No man deserves to be treated in such a way. This is what cemented and entrenched my disgust for Twilight: I was talking to a friend who had just started dating her boyfriend a few weeks prior, and she told me that every time she kissed her boyfriend, she pretended she was kissing Edward.
I find it absolutely unacceptable for any woman to misappreciate the men in her life because she has an idealized form of male in her head. In today’s society, this misled male apotheosis is trained into women’s heads essentially from birth. I struggle with it myself. It is part of the way women’s minds work. The key is that women should not act on it.
All men deserve to be respected and admired on an individual basis. From the sweet, romantic charmer to the serial killer, each man has at least one gift that could (and should) be praised. Women must endeavor to find these characteristics in each man that crosses their path, rather than dismissing them the instant they don’t measure up to whichever idealization the woman subscribes to. And in no case, ever, should a woman feel the need to mentally compensate for her significant man’s weaknesses by “pretending” he is a fictional character or whatever characterization of “perfection.”
The perfect man does not exist. What does exist is a wide variety of men, each with something magnificent to offer into any woman’s life. The way into relationship happiness is to find the man that gives you something no one else can or will ever give you. This may only be instantaneous, or last a few weeks, months, or years; it is not necessarily life-long of eternal. But in every moment that the equation holds true, you will have happiness. And you will have happiness in every male-female relationship, from the glance of a complete stranger you never see again, to the life partner and husband. All one must do is recognize the role a man is able to play in her life, and expect him to play that role only, and absolutely none other.
Pertinently, I’d like to add for any woman who insists on finding an Edward, that finding an Edward (which you won’t) will not solve your problems and fill you with bliss. That must come from within; it will never come any other way.
Edward Cullen’s seduction of so many women is a direct ramification of decades of societal error. It is incontrovertible evidence that as a whole, people have become lazy about their mental vigor and inter-personal health, that they have become apathetic toward a conscientious and moral lifestyle, and they have simply accepted the gender roles assigned to them by popular society (that men and women will never understand each other, and will always be disappointed by each other, because men will never measure up to what they should be). The only way to circumvent this is by individual dedication to personal improvement and acceptance of all other individuals as they are (not as you want them to be). Without these two objectives penetrating the lives of any and all individuals, Twilight and similar symbols of degradation will continue to rule the world.
by Laura Whitney
As a disclaimer, I would like to start out by saying that this is not an attack on Stephenie Meyer. I think her ideas were right and rare; I admire her rags to riches story, and I don’t think the effects of her writing could have been anticipated on her part. The only crime she committed was not enough research, revising, and editing before she took the book to the publishers — a common mistake among inexperienced writers. This essay is merely an extrapolation on how the Twilight series has become a symbol for the expansive corruption and loss of morals by the general society in which we mill about in our daily lives, a society that is looking more like an inbred cockroach infestation than humanity at this point.
There are two primary reasons why Twilight is a beacon of the weaknesses of our global society. The first is its infinite popularity despite deep and obvious literary flaws, namely redundant and indulgent writing techniques, as well as a significant lack of the essential characteristics of good literature, as in what makes literature timeless: relevance to universal audiences, vast or even unending interpretive possibilities, and the expression of moral implications in such a way that expands, changes, or challenges the view point and knowledge of each reader. The second reason for Twilight’s depravity is the fact that it is even possible for the fan following and effects such a story would have on womankind: evidence of the corrosion of gender roles.
I have been writing for as long as I can remember. When I was in 1st or 2nd grade, I remember our teacher assigning us to write a story about Christmas cookies or something of that nature, and she told us to try to make the story at least two pages (front only) long. Mine was in the neighborhood of seven. My teacher pulled me aside and told me that I had a talent beyond anyone else in the class. I didn’t think much of it then, but by the time I commenced from elementary school, I had started two books, both of which were beyond novella length. The point is, when I read Twilight I was immediately reminded of those books I started ten or twelve years ago. Since then I have taken creative writing and publishing classes in junior high, high school, and college. Stephenie Meyer graduated with a degree in creative writing, so I imagine she went through similar preparation. But her novel was still produced at the level of a marginally talented twelve-year-old.
What happened to the voice of the teacher suggesting to try different adjectives? Edward is beautiful. Edward is beautiful. Edward is breathtakingly beautiful? REALLY? What about the use of verbs as descriptors instead of adverbs? Use verbs that actually punch instead of using floppy verbs and telling us that they punched. Ok, you’ve got “muttered” and “murmured” instead of “said quietly.” Oh, there they are again, on about every facing page, three or four times. Diverse. Powerful stuff. If this is coming across as scornful and condescending, I won’t tell you that it isn’t, because currently I am studying the conventions of a sentence, and how I can break those conventions; for, when a sentence starts with a subject and ends with a predicate, with only few commas and no semi-colons (not to mention colons or em-dashes), I am overcome with ennui; but then, at least, I can bathe in the pleasure of passivity and the subjunctive mood; unfortunately, however, this cannot satisfy my appetite for appositives and conjunctions, or for the breathlessness of a daring sentence fragment or interjection — alas if only I were indulging myself with true literature.
And what is true literature? Why, it is anything written that wrenches men’s souls from the dark, and forces them into a blinding light, where they don’t sparkle, but their grotesque, misshapen forms cry, “Fix me Mold me into something greater ” And the time-tested, time-approved way of accomplishing this is through the archetype. Archetypes are characterizations that are so general and universal that no one can deny them, because everyone sees a part of them (the archetypes) in themselves (the people), and a part of them (the people) in themselves (the archetypes). I once wrote an explication of J.R.R. Tolkien’s use of the archetype in his trilogy The Lord of the Rings in order to accomplish the objectives of reawakening a sense of the mythic among society and establishing a mythology for his home country of England, through which he hoped to move his people into a more conscientious and moral way of living. This is the objective of all great literature. I should like to reference that paper in its entirety right here, however that would take phenomenal space as well as any reader’s attention span, so I will conclude that as Carl Jung asserts, the archetype truly does speak more deeply than anything else to human motivation and emotion.
However, archetypes are hard to develop. They must be completely round, yet completely human and believable. To make one requires one to study their character in whole, every single personality quirk and facet, every moment of the character’s past, and every hidden part of the character’s psyche. But doesn’t the author just tell the character what to do when they want them to do it? you may wonder. No. A real author knows that they may conceive a character on their own, but from the moment of conception that character is its own entity, and will act according to its own will, and the author must then set up a series of situations in which they can predict the characters’ reactions to give them the desired action to propel the story forward along the line of plot. If the author tries to tell the character what to do and when to do it, the character loses its dimensionality, its relevance, and its mythic effects on the reader. The character is merely a puppet, without will or responsibility, and cannot reach the souls of the readers who encounter it. Such is the plight of the clumsy, witless girl and the stalking predator.
In addition to basic characterization, there are archetypes for story structure. There are truly only a few stories in the world that keep presenting themselves in different ways: man vs. man, man vs. nature, and man vs. self. The concept of Twilight presents great potential for the conflicts of man vs. nature (Bella vs. Edward’s demonism) and man vs. self (Edward vs. his demonism), but because of the underdeveloped characters, these conflicts must remain underdeveloped as well. As a result their affection for each other isn’t the result of a larger-than-life barrier that has been overcome, it is not the result of true acceptance and trust built over a long period of time, it is simply the result of the grand orchestrator telling them to love each other. To those familiar with the depths of true love, the superficiality of the relationship which is the driving force of the plot is unbearable. Because the characters lack personality, all that is created between them is lust. Albeit eternal, insatiable lust, but lust nonetheless. Sadly, this actually does reflect real life, among those who have not used their minds to discover their own personal depths and thus the depths of another human. There are many relationships and families that have been founded in such a lustful beginning.
This lustful relationship should not give the characters the kind of motivation they have to stay together despite their specie limitations. But they do stay together. Why? Because the grand orchestrator told them to. There is no foundation to their relationship besides a scent and the color of one’s eyes. This does not, or at least should not, speak to the depths of the souls of the readers. It is irrelevant to anyone’s real life besides perhaps a young teenager whose brain hasn’t fully developed and has come across strong physical magnetism for the first time. Anyone outside of this category should not be swept into the spell of Edward Cullen.
Why is it then, that women (and a few men) across the globe have been captivated by the blood-sucker? Perhaps it is because he was endowed with many desirable traits. He’s apparently a Greek god (although who knows what that really looks like or feels like?), he’s cultured, and well-mannered. Yes, many women find this to be lacking in the men in their lives. But I don’t think this is enough to trigger the obsessive mania that surrounds Edward Cullen. No, I think this is a direct result of the squalor in which our present society finds itself. In our society we’ve largely come to ignore archetypes and myths, because they are inconvenient. They are steeped in layers of meaning. Twilight has one interpretation only, and that is boy and girl overcome ludicrous obstacles in order to satiate their lust for each other. The profundity is astounding. No, most people want the easy way out: that is why they watch movies instead of reading books. There are times when taking the easy way out is acceptable. But a time when it is never acceptable is when it concerns their own minds or human relationships, and a romance novel deals with both. The fact that Twilight became as popular as it did relies on this principle of human weakness.
The problem with wanting to take the easy route in understanding one’s own mind or the dynamics of a human relationship, is that one simply cannot reach full understanding that way. And this creates and perpetuates shallow people who form shallow relationships. This is why Twilight achieved the popularity that it did. It gave women everywhere (and yes, those few men) an “idealistic” example of an easy relationship.
Wait you’re telling me. Bella and Edward did not have it easy. First, there was the vampire problem (oh, you mean the problem where he wanted to EAT her?) and then he had to keep protecting her (because he brought her into a world of dangers she would’ve never had to face had he resisted the original temptation of being her “lover?”) and then there was the whole Jacob episode (you mean where she pretty much cheated on Edward all over the place?) and then finally making the decision to have Bella become a vampire (but if they were truly in love, wouldn’t that decision be an easy one to make?). So not an easy path to love.
That’s not what I’m saying. Once you’re in love, there are all sorts of crazy problems that arise which you must overcome. What I’m talking about is the fact that they just had to have a conversation, ONE CONVERSATION, to fall eternally in love with each other. I’m not going to suggest here that love can only come over a very long period of time and getting to know every detail of the other person first. I do think love happens very quickly. But I think after one conversation, the most that is emotionally possible is intrigue. But Edward and Bella were built for each other Tell me how they complement each other, cause all I’m seeing is having the right blood type and being too stupid to be afraid of a destructive predator in the one puzzle piece, and a hundred years of practice to become the perfect charmer in the other puzzle piece. So Edward could clearly seduce anyone (which he nearly has) and Bella just has to run into the right predator (which she did, twice, evidently). Brilliant. My favorite part is how they connect not only hormonally, but also emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually.
Another reason why their relationship is easy: they sacrificed very little for each other. In fact, I might say that their only sacrifice was Bella’s family once she finally decided to become a vampire as well. Other than that, Edward was saving Bella from situations he got her into. This was not a sacrifice, because it was a direct result (as suggested above) of his selfish decision to keep her in his presence regardless of the danger he and his family and his enemies presented. He gave in to that original temptation, and Bella gave in to the original temptation of attention, and from that moment forward, the entire relationship was a series selfish decisions made in the name of love.
Now, hold on. Edward tried to repent, per say, of this temptation in New Moon. He pushed her away. Yep, he sure did, and as a result, she becomes heavily distracted by Jacob (who also happens to be a predator. I’m beginning to wonder if she had AB blood, or maybe O negative; something rare anyway). I feel it is safe to say that anyone who is actually in love with another person would not be capable of such a distraction. Yes, I do think you could possibly be physically intimate with someone while being in love with another. I do think you can sincerely enjoy the company of another while being in love. But I don’t think, when you are in love, really and truly, that any other person will ever measure up. And I think that this schema of the loved one lasts for a drawn out period of time, even if the loved one has left without hope of return. So I would argue that the entire Jacob infatuation is further evidence of Bella’s selfishness and easiness (easiness being a direct result of lack of personality).
This is what thousands of women across the planet are identifying with. A shallow, selfish individual, who takes very little control over her own life. A character who makes nearly zero rational decisions. And women everywhere envy her. They envy her because she got a “perfect man.” This envy is poisonous for two reasons: 1. Edward should not be everyone’s picture of a perfect man and 2. Envy inspires mimicry, and mimicry of such a feeble-minded female will only escalate more problems in the male/female dynamic.
It is widely known that men don’t understand women. What is less covered by popular media is the fact that women don’t understand women, and much, much less do they understand men. This leads to many cruelties on the part of women. They live by many double standards, which they can neither explain nor justify if they can actually be persuaded to recognize the existence of these double standards. As a relevant example, women want to be rescued, seduced, and protected by the equivalent of a Greek god (Adonis?) or a super hero. The problem with this is they hold every man to that standard, a standard not based on any individual, and clearly not based on anything human, but rather something like a Platonic idealized form, something of legend, where all the real facts have been lost. This is what women have come to expect, rather than discovering the hero inside of each individual man and measuring him up to that standard only. No, that’s much too hard; it’s much easier to sit and wait for a real hero, or even to sell out on our dreams and settle for less than we want and resent it for the rest of our lives.
No man deserves to be treated in such a way. This is what cemented and entrenched my disgust for Twilight: I was talking to a friend who had just started dating her boyfriend a few weeks prior, and she told me that every time she kissed her boyfriend, she pretended she was kissing Edward.
I find it absolutely unacceptable for any woman to misappreciate the men in her life because she has an idealized form of male in her head. In today’s society, this misled male apotheosis is trained into women’s heads essentially from birth. I struggle with it myself. It is part of the way women’s minds work. The key is that women should not act on it.
All men deserve to be respected and admired on an individual basis. From the sweet, romantic charmer to the serial killer, each man has at least one gift that could (and should) be praised. Women must endeavor to find these characteristics in each man that crosses their path, rather than dismissing them the instant they don’t measure up to whichever idealization the woman subscribes to. And in no case, ever, should a woman feel the need to mentally compensate for her significant man’s weaknesses by “pretending” he is a fictional character or whatever characterization of “perfection.”
The perfect man does not exist. What does exist is a wide variety of men, each with something magnificent to offer into any woman’s life. The way into relationship happiness is to find the man that gives you something no one else can or will ever give you. This may only be instantaneous, or last a few weeks, months, or years; it is not necessarily life-long of eternal. But in every moment that the equation holds true, you will have happiness. And you will have happiness in every male-female relationship, from the glance of a complete stranger you never see again, to the life partner and husband. All one must do is recognize the role a man is able to play in her life, and expect him to play that role only, and absolutely none other.
Pertinently, I’d like to add for any woman who insists on finding an Edward, that finding an Edward (which you won’t) will not solve your problems and fill you with bliss. That must come from within; it will never come any other way.
Edward Cullen’s seduction of so many women is a direct ramification of decades of societal error. It is incontrovertible evidence that as a whole, people have become lazy about their mental vigor and inter-personal health, that they have become apathetic toward a conscientious and moral lifestyle, and they have simply accepted the gender roles assigned to them by popular society (that men and women will never understand each other, and will always be disappointed by each other, because men will never measure up to what they should be). The only way to circumvent this is by individual dedication to personal improvement and acceptance of all other individuals as they are (not as you want them to be). Without these two objectives penetrating the lives of any and all individuals, Twilight and similar symbols of degradation will continue to rule the world.
Julyness
So I pretty much didn't write any blogs in July...it was a crazy month! It was crazy because I work at a movie theater and the two most anticipated movies of this summer came out: Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen (pretty entertaining), and Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (phenomenal; I've seen it 4 times already). So I was working essentially this entire month. But now things have cooled down quite a bit.
So what did I do this month? I house-sat for a friend for the first week. Had some great adventures chasing her dogs around the neighborhood from 11:30 pm to 1:45 am on the last night. I worked all day on the 4th of July, but a friend from work and I bought some fireworks afterwards and set them off together (I was still house sitting, so not with my family :( ).
There's been all kinds of insane drama at work, so that's been pretty entertaining. Factions and dissentions seem to be rampant right now. I'm very glad I will only be there for one more month! I love my job, it is ridiculously fun when everyone gets along, but that's been getting harder these days...
Harry Potter midnight show; my sisters all wrote blogs about this I believe. At the theater we are allowed to dress up for the
whole weekend instead of wear our uniforms when big movies come out, and since Harry came out on a Wednesday and the midnight showing was on a Tuesday, I dressed up from Tuesday-Saturday for work that week. I alternated days between Professor Sprout (true to my Hufflepuff heritage) and Bellatrix Lestrange
(cause I felt a need for someone to dress as a bad gu
y). That was a lot of fun. It's always interesting the get comments from guests while you are tearing their tickets.I got the night off for the 24th of July, so I spent that hanging out with my family. We were unable to follow our usual tradition of watching the fireworks at Liberty Park, but Jill and I got some fireworks and we just did small ones at home. The best were definitely the Tazmanian devils.
Also at work, every few weeks we have a "team awards" meeting where we have the chance to win movie products at an auction. I couldn't go to this month's, because I was working, but my friend won for me a Spock poster (28x41 inches) and a vinyl poster that is about 4 ft tall and 15 ft long of the entire Star Trek cast. Booyah!!!!
Other than that, I've just been living life in the spare moments that I can. I have tons of friends who are pregnant, tons of friends getting engaged, and a couple of friends getting home from their missions. It's a very exciting time of life!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
My Best Friend's Wedding
Yesterday my best friend Diana got married. She married Scott Toronto in the Salt Lake Temple at 2:20 pm.
I've had a ton of friends get married, and even some friends I would consider to be besties, but this - this is legit. The happiness and joy, and the heartbreak and emptiness that I feel are all so strong I feel like my sternum should be ripping in two.
When I met Diana, I knew immediately that we were going to be friends, and we were going to be close - before I even talked to her. It was one of those moments that people often confuse for love at first sight, I guess. She didn't feel the same way, because she thought I was socially awkward, which is true. I am either too shy or too open, with relatively little middle ground, but somehow Diana got over it. Probably because we are perfect for each other. Our friendship isn't one where we are best friends by choice or by long association - we are best friends because we need to be. We don't have to work at all to understand each other or have twelve hour conversations or find something to do when we're together. The friendship just is, and always has been, since before man reconized time.
Here are the reasons why Diana is my best best friend:
1. Culture: Trying out and learning things from people all over the world is one of my most favorite things to do. And sometimes it is hard to find people who want to do it with me, but I never had that problem with Diana.
A. Food
Diana and I soon discovered that we both love bratwurst and virgin margaritas. That's where it started. We had a "Brat, Marg, and Moulin Rouge" night. Then we started having fine wine and cheese nights (where we'd find all the different delicious kinds of cheese we could in Rexburg), Thai food, German food after I got home from Germany, and of course, olive oil and balsalmic vinegar were staples of our diets. Mostly we love cheese and anything with cheese on it or in it was a green light. The best were our St. Patrick's Day celebrations with corned beef, red potatoes, and cabbage, and naturally, the divinity of Irish Aged Cheddar.
B. Music
Another thing Diana and I liked to do together was go to concerts. We both love classical and choral music, and grew up surrounded in it, so we liked to attend the events that BYU-Idaho has to offer. And we both love dance concerts as well, so we were often frequenters of Extravadance and whatever else we could get our hands on. Not only were we concert goers, but we were also concert givers. Late at night we'd entertain our other roommates with a few girl power favorites from Bonnie Tyler and the occasional Celine Dion. We'd also entertain each other by power stancing in bed. ;)
C. Myths and Legends
I think this was more of my nerdiness than Diana's but she didn't get annoyed or bored with it. I'd always be comparing things to Greek and Roman gods, or referencing obscure Irish legends. But the best will always be Diana's comparison of me to "The Birth of Venus" by Botticelli. :)
2. Intelligence: It's hard for me to be close to people who can't grasp or vocalize or theorize with me in my reflections on life. Never a problem with Diana.
A. Academic
Even though Diana hates philosophy and I love it, we were still biology and literature nerds together. We were both brought up in academic atmospheres and we could pretty much talk about anything we'd ever learned or studied. Which was a delight for me, because I could go on and on about sentence structure, and Diana would just laugh.
B. Social
Like I said, Diana thought I was socially awkward when we first met. She is very socially mided and well-mannered, so I had a lot to learn from her. But Diana is an amazing hostess and loves to throw parties. She'll be an excellent wife for that.
C. Nerdiness
Diana and I are both basically in love with Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and Star Wars. "But you were the Chosen One! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them! Bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness!" Harry and Ron shrines. Watching the Fellowship of the Ring every night before we went to bed. Enough said.
3. Beauty: I always thought I was the sexiest woman alive. Diana may have beat me though. Maybe. ;)
A. Outer
Let's be honest, people are shallow. Thankfully, Diana entered my life at an opportune time and taught me a lot about grace and beauty, like eye make-up and how to walk in heels. Haha. And she always made me feel beautiful, even when she was telling me that I couldn't wear that shirt or do my hair like that cause it was heinous. I knew it was all out of love.
B. Inner
Even though Diana is beautiful beyond all reason, her inner beauty is far superior to her outer beauty. I am constantly in awe of the things she is capable of. She is constantly becoming a better person, and working on some project or another. She is talented in pretty much every area, especially cooking. :) There is nothing she can't do, but she has a way of making you feel like the most special person in the world in whatever area you are talented in (except no one will ever compare to her cooking!).
4. Fun: Friends are supposed to have fun together. With Diana and I, it was nothing but.
A. The Office
Diana introduced me to the Office, and I am so glad she did. "The rules of 'shotgun' are very simple and very clear."
B. Sense of Humor
Diana loves to make people laugh. She has pretty much the exact same sense of humor as I do, so it was easy for us. We have a ridiculous amount of inside jokes, which I'm not even going to attempt to list. Suffice it to say, we pretty much have our own language between us.
C. Silliness
Diana's wiggle dance. I cna't even try to describe it. You just have to see it.
5. Kindness
I've already hinted that Diana is one of the most kind people I've ever known. She can say something nice about anyone, even someone she doesn't like (and she doesn't pretend to like people that she doesn't like, either). She can even say something good about boys who break her friends' hearts. She is so forgiving, as well. There have definitely been some times when we've been upset with each other, and haven't talked for a while, but she always makes an effort to fix it (which is more than I can say for myself). She is also affectionate and not afraid to show you how she feels about you. I will never have to doubt about how much I mean to her.
6. Spirituality
When we met, Diana was the Relief Society president of my freshman ward. She was perfect for the job. She was the most dedicated Relief Society president I've had to date. Not only does she care about her callings and the Gospel, but she is continually striving to be better and strengthen her testimony. She's bound to be full of inspiring quotes about a person's worth and living up to it. Every time I've come to her for advice, she's told me simple doctrinal truths that should be obvious to me. I think her profound dedication and spirituality are what make her so wonderful in all the other categories. She is bound for great things.
When Diana and Scott started dating, it was hard for me to realize and get used to not being her best friend anymore. But Scott is amazing in almost all the same ways, and I know he will take care of her and love her. My only hope is that she knows how much I love her, and that I was able to take care of everything she needed me for when it was my place. I'm lucky to have her in my life, and I know that we were meant to be friends and influence each other, because my life has changed so much for the good because of her example. I'm also really grateful that she and I have the kind of friendship that can be easily maintained over long distances, so that I can still have her as my best friend for the rest of my life.
I've had a ton of friends get married, and even some friends I would consider to be besties, but this - this is legit. The happiness and joy, and the heartbreak and emptiness that I feel are all so strong I feel like my sternum should be ripping in two.
When I met Diana, I knew immediately that we were going to be friends, and we were going to be close - before I even talked to her. It was one of those moments that people often confuse for love at first sight, I guess. She didn't feel the same way, because she thought I was socially awkward, which is true. I am either too shy or too open, with relatively little middle ground, but somehow Diana got over it. Probably because we are perfect for each other. Our friendship isn't one where we are best friends by choice or by long association - we are best friends because we need to be. We don't have to work at all to understand each other or have twelve hour conversations or find something to do when we're together. The friendship just is, and always has been, since before man reconized time.
Here are the reasons why Diana is my best best friend:
1. Culture: Trying out and learning things from people all over the world is one of my most favorite things to do. And sometimes it is hard to find people who want to do it with me, but I never had that problem with Diana.
A. Food
Diana and I soon discovered that we both love bratwurst and virgin margaritas. That's where it started. We had a "Brat, Marg, and Moulin Rouge" night. Then we started having fine wine and cheese nights (where we'd find all the different delicious kinds of cheese we could in Rexburg), Thai food, German food after I got home from Germany, and of course, olive oil and balsalmic vinegar were staples of our diets. Mostly we love cheese and anything with cheese on it or in it was a green light. The best were our St. Patrick's Day celebrations with corned beef, red potatoes, and cabbage, and naturally, the divinity of Irish Aged Cheddar.
B. Music
Another thing Diana and I liked to do together was go to concerts. We both love classical and choral music, and grew up surrounded in it, so we liked to attend the events that BYU-Idaho has to offer. And we both love dance concerts as well, so we were often frequenters of Extravadance and whatever else we could get our hands on. Not only were we concert goers, but we were also concert givers. Late at night we'd entertain our other roommates with a few girl power favorites from Bonnie Tyler and the occasional Celine Dion. We'd also entertain each other by power stancing in bed. ;)
C. Myths and Legends
I think this was more of my nerdiness than Diana's but she didn't get annoyed or bored with it. I'd always be comparing things to Greek and Roman gods, or referencing obscure Irish legends. But the best will always be Diana's comparison of me to "The Birth of Venus" by Botticelli. :)
2. Intelligence: It's hard for me to be close to people who can't grasp or vocalize or theorize with me in my reflections on life. Never a problem with Diana.
A. Academic
Even though Diana hates philosophy and I love it, we were still biology and literature nerds together. We were both brought up in academic atmospheres and we could pretty much talk about anything we'd ever learned or studied. Which was a delight for me, because I could go on and on about sentence structure, and Diana would just laugh.
B. Social
Like I said, Diana thought I was socially awkward when we first met. She is very socially mided and well-mannered, so I had a lot to learn from her. But Diana is an amazing hostess and loves to throw parties. She'll be an excellent wife for that.
C. Nerdiness
Diana and I are both basically in love with Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, and Star Wars. "But you were the Chosen One! It was said that you would destroy the Sith, not join them! Bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness!" Harry and Ron shrines. Watching the Fellowship of the Ring every night before we went to bed. Enough said.
3. Beauty: I always thought I was the sexiest woman alive. Diana may have beat me though. Maybe. ;)
A. Outer
Let's be honest, people are shallow. Thankfully, Diana entered my life at an opportune time and taught me a lot about grace and beauty, like eye make-up and how to walk in heels. Haha. And she always made me feel beautiful, even when she was telling me that I couldn't wear that shirt or do my hair like that cause it was heinous. I knew it was all out of love.
B. Inner
Even though Diana is beautiful beyond all reason, her inner beauty is far superior to her outer beauty. I am constantly in awe of the things she is capable of. She is constantly becoming a better person, and working on some project or another. She is talented in pretty much every area, especially cooking. :) There is nothing she can't do, but she has a way of making you feel like the most special person in the world in whatever area you are talented in (except no one will ever compare to her cooking!).
4. Fun: Friends are supposed to have fun together. With Diana and I, it was nothing but.
A. The Office
Diana introduced me to the Office, and I am so glad she did. "The rules of 'shotgun' are very simple and very clear."
B. Sense of Humor
Diana loves to make people laugh. She has pretty much the exact same sense of humor as I do, so it was easy for us. We have a ridiculous amount of inside jokes, which I'm not even going to attempt to list. Suffice it to say, we pretty much have our own language between us.
C. Silliness
Diana's wiggle dance. I cna't even try to describe it. You just have to see it.
5. Kindness
I've already hinted that Diana is one of the most kind people I've ever known. She can say something nice about anyone, even someone she doesn't like (and she doesn't pretend to like people that she doesn't like, either). She can even say something good about boys who break her friends' hearts. She is so forgiving, as well. There have definitely been some times when we've been upset with each other, and haven't talked for a while, but she always makes an effort to fix it (which is more than I can say for myself). She is also affectionate and not afraid to show you how she feels about you. I will never have to doubt about how much I mean to her.
6. Spirituality
When we met, Diana was the Relief Society president of my freshman ward. She was perfect for the job. She was the most dedicated Relief Society president I've had to date. Not only does she care about her callings and the Gospel, but she is continually striving to be better and strengthen her testimony. She's bound to be full of inspiring quotes about a person's worth and living up to it. Every time I've come to her for advice, she's told me simple doctrinal truths that should be obvious to me. I think her profound dedication and spirituality are what make her so wonderful in all the other categories. She is bound for great things.
When Diana and Scott started dating, it was hard for me to realize and get used to not being her best friend anymore. But Scott is amazing in almost all the same ways, and I know he will take care of her and love her. My only hope is that she knows how much I love her, and that I was able to take care of everything she needed me for when it was my place. I'm lucky to have her in my life, and I know that we were meant to be friends and influence each other, because my life has changed so much for the good because of her example. I'm also really grateful that she and I have the kind of friendship that can be easily maintained over long distances, so that I can still have her as my best friend for the rest of my life.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Lock, the Invincible Black Cat
Today my dad took my cat of the last ~17 years to the Humane Society to be put to sleep.
Yes, she was ridiculously old.
Yes, she couldn't move very fast.
She was losing her sight.
And probably her hearing.
And yes, her mental faculties were at an all time low.
So this was probably a good thing.
But I HATE IT!!!!!!!!
She was my cat and she knew that she was mine.
She got me through a lot.
Even though she was an insensitive and aloof cat, she seemed to know exactly when to drop that act and sleep on my bed.
I wish I didn't have to function for the rest of today.
I'm so upset I can't even put together beautiful words to do her justice. :(
Yes, she was ridiculously old.
Yes, she couldn't move very fast.
She was losing her sight.
And probably her hearing.
And yes, her mental faculties were at an all time low.
So this was probably a good thing.
But I HATE IT!!!!!!!!
She was my cat and she knew that she was mine.
She got me through a lot.
Even though she was an insensitive and aloof cat, she seemed to know exactly when to drop that act and sleep on my bed.
I wish I didn't have to function for the rest of today.
I'm so upset I can't even put together beautiful words to do her justice. :(
Monday, June 8, 2009
My Brother
I just said goodbye to one of the best people on this planet, Mark Shepard, as he leaves once again for Iraq in a few hours.
I love this kid in a different way than I've ever loved anybody before. He is the older brother I never had.
I could type an impossibly long blog about why I love him and how amazing he is, but I won't cause no one will read it. Suffice it to say, I would only be a small percentage of the person I am right now if it weren't for Mark.
I love you, Mark. Be safe, cause your little sister needs you.
I love this kid in a different way than I've ever loved anybody before. He is the older brother I never had.
I could type an impossibly long blog about why I love him and how amazing he is, but I won't cause no one will read it. Suffice it to say, I would only be a small percentage of the person I am right now if it weren't for Mark.
I love you, Mark. Be safe, cause your little sister needs you.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Little Rant
So life moves people in all kinds of directions. Sometimes you are on the same (or a very close) path with someone for a long time but suddenly life twists and you clash, break each other into little pieces, and ricochete backwards in infinite directions with immense force. And sometimes when that happens you leave a lot of pieces there at the collision site and you can't go back and pick them up, you can't put it back together, but it's fine, cause who needs those pieces anyway?
This is what happened to me in the past 6 weeks with someone, and now I feel like I'm falling under the condemnation from all our mutual friends for not trying to fix it.
Whenever I've had friends who've had falling outs, I have done everything I can to remain friends with both parties. Usually there is one who tells me more about the situation than the other, but I don't go around picking sides and holding grudges about situations that I am not a part of. So I end up having a ton of friends who are enemies with each other, and I'm fine with that.
So what I'm saying is that I don't understand why everyone thinks we should pretend that nothing happened between us and be BFF again. Forgiveness, yes, but I can honestly say I don't hate this person for what happened between us. I'm fine with seeing him and being around him, and I have done both of those things without a problem since the collision. We've even made light one-on-one conversation. But it seems to me that there is a point when you don't have to go back to the way things were.
We are supposed to forgive 70x7 but forgiveness doesn't mean put all the pieces back exactly where they were. If that were true, then women in abusive relationships should never leave their partners. Parents who have a child murdered would get their child back at the hands of the murderer. And no one would get punished for their crimes.
So no, I'm not going back into a friendship that was hollow and powered by my effort alone. I don't deserve that. Yes, it probably does ruin the entire dynamics of a circle of friends, but I was hoping that I was close enough friends with the rest of the group that we could maintain perhaps an elliptical dynamic at the least. If that is not possible, then I guess I lost an entire group of friends, but not suffering the injustices that I endured is worth it to me. C'est la vie.
Fortunately, I know the perfect song for this entire experience:
Schism by Tool
I know the pieces fit
'Cause I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smouldering
Fundamental differing
Pure intention juxtaposed
Will set two lovers' souls in motion
Disintegrating as it goes
Testing our communication
The light that fueled our fire then
Has a burned a hole between us so
We cannot see to reach an end
Crippling our communication
I know the pieces fit
'Cause I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame
It doesn't mean I don't desire to
Point the finger, blame the other
Watch the temple topple over
To bring the pieces back together
Rediscover communication
The poetry
That comes from the squaring off between
And the circling is worth it
Finding beauty in the dissonance
There was a time that the pieces fit
But I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smouldering
Strangled by our coveting
I've done the math enough to know
The dangers of our second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow
And strengthen our communication
Cold silence has
A tendency to
Atrophy any
Sense of compassion
Between supposed brothers
Between supposed lovers
I know the pieces fit
This is what happened to me in the past 6 weeks with someone, and now I feel like I'm falling under the condemnation from all our mutual friends for not trying to fix it.
Whenever I've had friends who've had falling outs, I have done everything I can to remain friends with both parties. Usually there is one who tells me more about the situation than the other, but I don't go around picking sides and holding grudges about situations that I am not a part of. So I end up having a ton of friends who are enemies with each other, and I'm fine with that.
So what I'm saying is that I don't understand why everyone thinks we should pretend that nothing happened between us and be BFF again. Forgiveness, yes, but I can honestly say I don't hate this person for what happened between us. I'm fine with seeing him and being around him, and I have done both of those things without a problem since the collision. We've even made light one-on-one conversation. But it seems to me that there is a point when you don't have to go back to the way things were.
We are supposed to forgive 70x7 but forgiveness doesn't mean put all the pieces back exactly where they were. If that were true, then women in abusive relationships should never leave their partners. Parents who have a child murdered would get their child back at the hands of the murderer. And no one would get punished for their crimes.
So no, I'm not going back into a friendship that was hollow and powered by my effort alone. I don't deserve that. Yes, it probably does ruin the entire dynamics of a circle of friends, but I was hoping that I was close enough friends with the rest of the group that we could maintain perhaps an elliptical dynamic at the least. If that is not possible, then I guess I lost an entire group of friends, but not suffering the injustices that I endured is worth it to me. C'est la vie.
Fortunately, I know the perfect song for this entire experience:
Schism by Tool
I know the pieces fit
'Cause I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smouldering
Fundamental differing
Pure intention juxtaposed
Will set two lovers' souls in motion
Disintegrating as it goes
Testing our communication
The light that fueled our fire then
Has a burned a hole between us so
We cannot see to reach an end
Crippling our communication
I know the pieces fit
'Cause I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame
It doesn't mean I don't desire to
Point the finger, blame the other
Watch the temple topple over
To bring the pieces back together
Rediscover communication
The poetry
That comes from the squaring off between
And the circling is worth it
Finding beauty in the dissonance
There was a time that the pieces fit
But I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smouldering
Strangled by our coveting
I've done the math enough to know
The dangers of our second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow
And strengthen our communication
Cold silence has
A tendency to
Atrophy any
Sense of compassion
Between supposed brothers
Between supposed lovers
I know the pieces fit
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
What Star Trek Did to Me
I went to see the new Star Trek movie the other day. AMAZING!!!!!!!!!
First of all, AWESOME music. Totally screenwiriting-inspiring.
Secondly, Spock. I mean, the rest of the movie was great, but I was hooked on Spock. Every second he wasn't on screen I was praying he'd come on screen.
Spock? Really?
Things have been pretty nostalgic for me since I've come to live in Murray again for the first time in a really, really long time. Everything here is different. Last time I was here, I had tons of friends. No longer so. When I got home from Germany, some things just couldn't go back to how they were. Too much moving on, which I'm totally fine with, it's still just a little weird though.
So in thinking about Spock, I realized what it was. See, in all the fiction I've ever read, or seen, I have been automatically strongly attracted to the strong and silent character, whether he was the main character or even the good guy.
There is something irresistable about a man who is collected and in control of his thoughts and feelings, especially if his thoughts are intelligent AND logical like Spock's are. But when inside all this control lies a raging fire...tie me down.
I just don't think I attract those kind of men. I've realized for quite some time now I attract more of the Captain Kirk type. Which is fun, but not real. I've been trying to change that, but so far it hasn't worked. In all my nostalgia I realized there was once a Spock-esque man who wanted to date me.I was young and stupid and wanted to hold out for more, test him harder. I lost. And later I lost him again.
But that is ok. I am really happy with where I'm at. There is more than one Spock in the world (I hope. Or maybe there is a better Spock than the last one...).
Thus begins my search for Spock.
First of all, AWESOME music. Totally screenwiriting-inspiring.
Secondly, Spock. I mean, the rest of the movie was great, but I was hooked on Spock. Every second he wasn't on screen I was praying he'd come on screen.
Spock? Really?
Things have been pretty nostalgic for me since I've come to live in Murray again for the first time in a really, really long time. Everything here is different. Last time I was here, I had tons of friends. No longer so. When I got home from Germany, some things just couldn't go back to how they were. Too much moving on, which I'm totally fine with, it's still just a little weird though.
So in thinking about Spock, I realized what it was. See, in all the fiction I've ever read, or seen, I have been automatically strongly attracted to the strong and silent character, whether he was the main character or even the good guy.
There is something irresistable about a man who is collected and in control of his thoughts and feelings, especially if his thoughts are intelligent AND logical like Spock's are. But when inside all this control lies a raging fire...tie me down.
I just don't think I attract those kind of men. I've realized for quite some time now I attract more of the Captain Kirk type. Which is fun, but not real. I've been trying to change that, but so far it hasn't worked. In all my nostalgia I realized there was once a Spock-esque man who wanted to date me.I was young and stupid and wanted to hold out for more, test him harder. I lost. And later I lost him again.
But that is ok. I am really happy with where I'm at. There is more than one Spock in the world (I hope. Or maybe there is a better Spock than the last one...).
Thus begins my search for Spock.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Now I'm just Waiting for the Person who is a Muse Song
Two things I've been thinking about today, that are loosely related:
Tonight I went to a wedding reception for one of my guy friends from high school. This is the first guy friend from high school I've had get married, besides my friend Derrick, who doesn't count because he married my best friend so I was still more on her side of the wedding even though I love Derrick immensely.
When I got there and gave him a hug, he said I was the only friend from high school who came. Somehow, I wasn't surprised, but I was disappointed.
You see, I look at my friends like I do songs. Just because they are old doesn't mean they suck. In some cases, that makes them better, and you never want to stop listening to them. Classic Rock. In some cases that makes them the same amount of awesome that they were when they were new. 90s Alternative. In some cases it's best to leave them alone for a while before you come back, but every time you come back it makes your day. Early 2000s Hip Hop. Some songs have never grown old, even though you're not craving it all the time. The Rat Pack Era. And some songs, you never truly liked, but you put up with because all your friends liked it. Pop. And some songs you never liked, and couldn't pretend you did. Country. But I guess I can't say any of those songs were my friends.
I have a TON of girl friends from high school who are now married. I'm in the minority now. I've made it to all of their receptions, with the exception of one when I had to work, one when I was on vacation, one that was on a weekday and I was at school in Idaho, and a few that happened while I was in Germany. And I scrapbook every invitation I get. And I plan on going to every reception that I get invited to in the future, work and school permitting.
I don't think that I'm vastly more devoted to my friends than other people. I hope I'm not. I just believe that if something is good once, it will always be good.
Naturally, it's been some years since high school, and people go all over the place for school, get married, missions, and have great adventures across the earth. I haven't kept up with everyone, although blogs and Facebook help a lot in that. There are really only three people that I went to high school with that I still see and talk to once a week or more. I don't mind this. It doesn't bother me to have loosely swaying rope bridges connecting me with former friends that I used to think the world of. Our friendships no longer serve the same purpose, and many of them it wouldn't bother me to never see them again.
I think that is because I still like all of them. Some of us don't talk because we're now at completely different stages of life. Some we are just both too busy or forgetful to keep up. Some we did have a violent falling out and chose not to be a part of each others' lives. But I don't think I've ever been truly angry with someone for more than a few days, if that. But sometimes peoples' purposes in your life do get worn out.
What I'm saying is that all those kids that I spent every day with in high school, you still mean as much to me now as you did then, even if I don't act on it. You're a song and I love music.
After the reception I watched Juno with some friends (from high school, incidentally) and it weighed heavy on my heart. I'd never seen it before. I don't want to spoil the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it, suffice it to say it's about a 16-year-old girl and the love she shares with her best guy friend.
I fell in love, legit love, with my best guy friend in high school. And unfortunately, as much as I loathe the movie, The Notebook was right. You never forget your first love.
Rumor has it he is happily and eternally sealed to someone else now. As Abba once wisely put it, the winner takes it all.
I don't expect that piece of my soul to ever come back. I don't really want it. I am very happy with where I am and the choices I've made, but I can never forget how happy I was that year.
Other awesomeness that has occured lately:
The Renaissance/Fantasy Faire.
Birch Beer.
I rode a camel.
I visited Rexburg in all of its glory.
I like my job, so far.
I've got two missionaries and a soldier coming home this month!!!!
Tonight I went to a wedding reception for one of my guy friends from high school. This is the first guy friend from high school I've had get married, besides my friend Derrick, who doesn't count because he married my best friend so I was still more on her side of the wedding even though I love Derrick immensely.
When I got there and gave him a hug, he said I was the only friend from high school who came. Somehow, I wasn't surprised, but I was disappointed.
You see, I look at my friends like I do songs. Just because they are old doesn't mean they suck. In some cases, that makes them better, and you never want to stop listening to them. Classic Rock. In some cases that makes them the same amount of awesome that they were when they were new. 90s Alternative. In some cases it's best to leave them alone for a while before you come back, but every time you come back it makes your day. Early 2000s Hip Hop. Some songs have never grown old, even though you're not craving it all the time. The Rat Pack Era. And some songs, you never truly liked, but you put up with because all your friends liked it. Pop. And some songs you never liked, and couldn't pretend you did. Country. But I guess I can't say any of those songs were my friends.
I have a TON of girl friends from high school who are now married. I'm in the minority now. I've made it to all of their receptions, with the exception of one when I had to work, one when I was on vacation, one that was on a weekday and I was at school in Idaho, and a few that happened while I was in Germany. And I scrapbook every invitation I get. And I plan on going to every reception that I get invited to in the future, work and school permitting.
I don't think that I'm vastly more devoted to my friends than other people. I hope I'm not. I just believe that if something is good once, it will always be good.
Naturally, it's been some years since high school, and people go all over the place for school, get married, missions, and have great adventures across the earth. I haven't kept up with everyone, although blogs and Facebook help a lot in that. There are really only three people that I went to high school with that I still see and talk to once a week or more. I don't mind this. It doesn't bother me to have loosely swaying rope bridges connecting me with former friends that I used to think the world of. Our friendships no longer serve the same purpose, and many of them it wouldn't bother me to never see them again.
I think that is because I still like all of them. Some of us don't talk because we're now at completely different stages of life. Some we are just both too busy or forgetful to keep up. Some we did have a violent falling out and chose not to be a part of each others' lives. But I don't think I've ever been truly angry with someone for more than a few days, if that. But sometimes peoples' purposes in your life do get worn out.
What I'm saying is that all those kids that I spent every day with in high school, you still mean as much to me now as you did then, even if I don't act on it. You're a song and I love music.
After the reception I watched Juno with some friends (from high school, incidentally) and it weighed heavy on my heart. I'd never seen it before. I don't want to spoil the movie for anyone who hasn't seen it, suffice it to say it's about a 16-year-old girl and the love she shares with her best guy friend.
I fell in love, legit love, with my best guy friend in high school. And unfortunately, as much as I loathe the movie, The Notebook was right. You never forget your first love.
Rumor has it he is happily and eternally sealed to someone else now. As Abba once wisely put it, the winner takes it all.
I don't expect that piece of my soul to ever come back. I don't really want it. I am very happy with where I am and the choices I've made, but I can never forget how happy I was that year.
Other awesomeness that has occured lately:
The Renaissance/Fantasy Faire.
Birch Beer.
I rode a camel.
I visited Rexburg in all of its glory.
I like my job, so far.
I've got two missionaries and a soldier coming home this month!!!!
Monday, April 20, 2009
The Great Snake Adventure
Normally every morning I bike for half an hour, but lately I haven't been getting sore from it, so this morning I laid in bed pondering what other activity I could do instead that would have a greater chance of getting me sore. The original other option was to sit in bed and work on my screenplay - how could I tie Wichern into Haven's death, and motivate Mark to kill him? And why would the government burn Haven's apartment down? How did they find them in Sherwood forest? - but I decided I have to be active. Running? No. Let's be honest, running isn't my thing. I could bike for ten hours before I could run for ten minutes straight. I'll rollerblade. And I will take the dogs.
I asked my mom if it would be a good idea to take the dogs rollerblading, and we all agreed that it would be best not to, because of dog behavior reasons, and to only take one dog at a time to do anything. So I would be jogging with Stacey, the chunk.
I got dressed and went downstairs to get Stacey's leash, the dogs at my heels. As I entered the kitchen, a long rubber snake was lying on the floor. "Oh, look, a snake," I said as I kicked it. Nudged it strongly with my foot. It didn't flop over stupidly like a rubber snake should've done, and the dogs started sniffing it long and slow. I ran upstairs.
"Mom," I interrupted her phone call. "Do we own a ridiculously real-looking rubber snake?" My mom and my little sisters froze. "Allie."
Allie! That over-decorated dustbunny! The arrogant fluff! The wayward feline! The answer to all the unexplained deviant ceremonies that take place at 782 Spanish Oak Way.
We concluded the snake was too cold to move. Kristan put on ski gloves and Sarah got a box. We put the box on the floor and Kristan easily shuffled the snake inside. Sarah wanted to put it under a light to warm it up. Then we'd let it loose outside. But outside, in our yard, or even our neighborhood, and Allie would have at it again. No, I decided. I will take it jogging with Stacey and me and let it out on the Parkway.
Stacey was more than happy to be put on a leash and led out of the house. But once I tried to pass our cars in the driveway, she clenched her whole body to the ground and started whimpering. I couldn't pull her. Holding the snake-box high above her, I half picked Stacey up and took her down the driveway. It occured to me that I hadn't taken a dog on a walk since Lucy. Stacey was puny compared to the lumbering overweight lab. Her one foot of height bounced along at my ankles, whining the whole way out of the neighborhood.
I didn't dare look at the snake in the box. I didn't want the sunlight to get in and warm it up to start it slithering around like a madman while we still had five minutes of walking before we'd reach the river. Dogs were attempting to break down their fences at the sound of Stacey's whimper as we passed. Lucy always whimpered as we passed as well. Stacey was whimpering from disappointment, but Lucy whimpered from fear of the other dogs.
We crossed the soccer field at the end of the street where there was a mom with two little kids on the playground. Sigh.
As we entered the Parkway, I panicked for a moment. When they relocated domestic animals into the wild, they often couldn't survive. What if this snake was accustomed to living in people's gardens and here I was about to release it into the wild grasslands. I walked a little farther on the path until we reached an open space, baked by the sun, littered with clumps of weedy grass. There was a bench, onto which Stacey leaped as though it were a lap. I pushed the loop of her leash over one of the slats so she couldn't get away while I released the snake.
I took a few steps into the field, thinking of the mice and other snakes that this one could eat, almost hoping one would cross my path, as if to say "this is a good place for your snake." They didn't.
I tipped the box's opening toward the grass and heard the snake slide down the cardboard. He came out in one long string, and I could feel his sigh at the sight of grass and the touch of sun, instead of the dark, cool wood floor of our kitchen. He moved quickly away.
I returned to Stacey and had to shove her off the bench as she clamped herself to it. "Sorry Stacey, you need to get some exercise." I left the box under the bench, not wanting to drag it along as we jogged. It was a nice mail-worthy box, and I figured it would still be there when we returned. This wasn't Germany, after all.
We started jogging, Stacey trotting along like a shaggy, miniature show horse. I'll be honest, I didn't jog for long, but I kept it at a brisk walk. More of a college pace than a missionary's, so it wasn't much more exercise than it would've been walking to and from campus a couple of times a day. But Stacey was panting pretty hard.
She reached towards passers-by, but never the way Lucy did. She'd walk toward them, but then I'd say "come on, Stacey," and she'd come without complaint. How I missed my bumbling black ball. Rest in peace, January 20, 2005.
The smell of the Jordan river is much more thick than the Rhein. It weighed more in my brain, full of dragonflies and algae. It was only about a sixth of the width as well. I could hear the conversation of the golfers on the other side, unlike the Rhein, where I could see the other bank, but only bikers in their flashy biker spandex and not others passing on the other side. Vikings could not invade on the Jordan River. It's not even really a river, but it does well for Utah.
After a while Stacey was smiling. Other joggers and dog-walkers passed, giving me a knowing smile. As if we shared a secret, the divine secret of the jogger/dog-walker clan. I'm not a regular, I thought. Maybe it was because I was wearing my Trogdor shirt.
When we reached the first park, Stacey tried to jump into the drinking fountain, which was dry. There was a family feeding the geese. These geese were twice the size of German geese. They weren't even Canadian, they were just regular grey geese, but probably the height of two-year-old Phineas, and I wouldn't have let Nicholas or Phineas near them. I attributed it to the American food they received. They stood statue-still on one side of the picnic table looking up at the family expectantly. There were two that weren't grey geese; they had longer necks and a funny horn fixture on the top of their beaks. Twelve years ago, I probably would've known the genus and species of those geese, but not now. Perhaps I wouldn't've, as I was always more interested in mammals anyway.
I obliged Stacey by sitting on the bench of a picnic table with her for a few minutes. I watched the kids on the playground, speculating what kind of adventure Nicholas would be having on it. I didn't linger long, and the bench was littered in long white dog hair in no time. Stacey was happy to leave this time.
On the way back I thought about my snake. I wondered if it had found a hole. I wondered how far it had gotten. Had it made friends with the other snakes? We passed an old man walking his miniature schnauzer/dachshund mix. Stacey suddenly squirmed out of her collar. Lucy used to do that. As we crossed a bridge over the Jordan Stream, two bikers passed us. "King Charles," one observed. "Good dog." "Yep."
When we reached the field where I released the snake, I scanned its surface for him. Of course I couldn't see him. The box was gone, too. Maybe this was Germany.
There were more families at the playground as we crossed over the soccer field again. I had this OCD moment where I felt a sting of panic for not walking on the path. But Stacey was loping along over the grass like a dwarfed Rufus Scrimgeour, tongue rolling out.
When we got home, I sat in an armchair with my Ikea glass of water. Allie was sprawled on the armchair next door, her eyes clamped in a grin, paws hanging lazily in mid-air. "Did you bring a snake inside this morning?" A squirm, infusing the upholstery with her fuzz while keeping the grin, was the answer.
I asked my mom if it would be a good idea to take the dogs rollerblading, and we all agreed that it would be best not to, because of dog behavior reasons, and to only take one dog at a time to do anything. So I would be jogging with Stacey, the chunk.
I got dressed and went downstairs to get Stacey's leash, the dogs at my heels. As I entered the kitchen, a long rubber snake was lying on the floor. "Oh, look, a snake," I said as I kicked it. Nudged it strongly with my foot. It didn't flop over stupidly like a rubber snake should've done, and the dogs started sniffing it long and slow. I ran upstairs.
"Mom," I interrupted her phone call. "Do we own a ridiculously real-looking rubber snake?" My mom and my little sisters froze. "Allie."
Allie! That over-decorated dustbunny! The arrogant fluff! The wayward feline! The answer to all the unexplained deviant ceremonies that take place at 782 Spanish Oak Way.
We concluded the snake was too cold to move. Kristan put on ski gloves and Sarah got a box. We put the box on the floor and Kristan easily shuffled the snake inside. Sarah wanted to put it under a light to warm it up. Then we'd let it loose outside. But outside, in our yard, or even our neighborhood, and Allie would have at it again. No, I decided. I will take it jogging with Stacey and me and let it out on the Parkway.
Stacey was more than happy to be put on a leash and led out of the house. But once I tried to pass our cars in the driveway, she clenched her whole body to the ground and started whimpering. I couldn't pull her. Holding the snake-box high above her, I half picked Stacey up and took her down the driveway. It occured to me that I hadn't taken a dog on a walk since Lucy. Stacey was puny compared to the lumbering overweight lab. Her one foot of height bounced along at my ankles, whining the whole way out of the neighborhood.
I didn't dare look at the snake in the box. I didn't want the sunlight to get in and warm it up to start it slithering around like a madman while we still had five minutes of walking before we'd reach the river. Dogs were attempting to break down their fences at the sound of Stacey's whimper as we passed. Lucy always whimpered as we passed as well. Stacey was whimpering from disappointment, but Lucy whimpered from fear of the other dogs.
We crossed the soccer field at the end of the street where there was a mom with two little kids on the playground. Sigh.
As we entered the Parkway, I panicked for a moment. When they relocated domestic animals into the wild, they often couldn't survive. What if this snake was accustomed to living in people's gardens and here I was about to release it into the wild grasslands. I walked a little farther on the path until we reached an open space, baked by the sun, littered with clumps of weedy grass. There was a bench, onto which Stacey leaped as though it were a lap. I pushed the loop of her leash over one of the slats so she couldn't get away while I released the snake.
I took a few steps into the field, thinking of the mice and other snakes that this one could eat, almost hoping one would cross my path, as if to say "this is a good place for your snake." They didn't.
I tipped the box's opening toward the grass and heard the snake slide down the cardboard. He came out in one long string, and I could feel his sigh at the sight of grass and the touch of sun, instead of the dark, cool wood floor of our kitchen. He moved quickly away.
I returned to Stacey and had to shove her off the bench as she clamped herself to it. "Sorry Stacey, you need to get some exercise." I left the box under the bench, not wanting to drag it along as we jogged. It was a nice mail-worthy box, and I figured it would still be there when we returned. This wasn't Germany, after all.
We started jogging, Stacey trotting along like a shaggy, miniature show horse. I'll be honest, I didn't jog for long, but I kept it at a brisk walk. More of a college pace than a missionary's, so it wasn't much more exercise than it would've been walking to and from campus a couple of times a day. But Stacey was panting pretty hard.
She reached towards passers-by, but never the way Lucy did. She'd walk toward them, but then I'd say "come on, Stacey," and she'd come without complaint. How I missed my bumbling black ball. Rest in peace, January 20, 2005.
The smell of the Jordan river is much more thick than the Rhein. It weighed more in my brain, full of dragonflies and algae. It was only about a sixth of the width as well. I could hear the conversation of the golfers on the other side, unlike the Rhein, where I could see the other bank, but only bikers in their flashy biker spandex and not others passing on the other side. Vikings could not invade on the Jordan River. It's not even really a river, but it does well for Utah.
After a while Stacey was smiling. Other joggers and dog-walkers passed, giving me a knowing smile. As if we shared a secret, the divine secret of the jogger/dog-walker clan. I'm not a regular, I thought. Maybe it was because I was wearing my Trogdor shirt.
When we reached the first park, Stacey tried to jump into the drinking fountain, which was dry. There was a family feeding the geese. These geese were twice the size of German geese. They weren't even Canadian, they were just regular grey geese, but probably the height of two-year-old Phineas, and I wouldn't have let Nicholas or Phineas near them. I attributed it to the American food they received. They stood statue-still on one side of the picnic table looking up at the family expectantly. There were two that weren't grey geese; they had longer necks and a funny horn fixture on the top of their beaks. Twelve years ago, I probably would've known the genus and species of those geese, but not now. Perhaps I wouldn't've, as I was always more interested in mammals anyway.
I obliged Stacey by sitting on the bench of a picnic table with her for a few minutes. I watched the kids on the playground, speculating what kind of adventure Nicholas would be having on it. I didn't linger long, and the bench was littered in long white dog hair in no time. Stacey was happy to leave this time.
On the way back I thought about my snake. I wondered if it had found a hole. I wondered how far it had gotten. Had it made friends with the other snakes? We passed an old man walking his miniature schnauzer/dachshund mix. Stacey suddenly squirmed out of her collar. Lucy used to do that. As we crossed a bridge over the Jordan Stream, two bikers passed us. "King Charles," one observed. "Good dog." "Yep."
When we reached the field where I released the snake, I scanned its surface for him. Of course I couldn't see him. The box was gone, too. Maybe this was Germany.
There were more families at the playground as we crossed over the soccer field again. I had this OCD moment where I felt a sting of panic for not walking on the path. But Stacey was loping along over the grass like a dwarfed Rufus Scrimgeour, tongue rolling out.
When we got home, I sat in an armchair with my Ikea glass of water. Allie was sprawled on the armchair next door, her eyes clamped in a grin, paws hanging lazily in mid-air. "Did you bring a snake inside this morning?" A squirm, infusing the upholstery with her fuzz while keeping the grin, was the answer.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Saints and Soldiers
So I am home for the summer now.
Tonight I went to a fireside by a man in my stake who was the Fire Chief for the Air Force in Kuwait. It was so good for me since one of my most favorite people in the world is serving in Iraq as a medic in the Army right now. Anyway, what he said provoked some thought in me.
There have been wars so long as humans have existed. There was a war before humans existed. In heaven. There was a war in heaven. War can be from God or Satan. It depends on who's side you are fighting on. But war itself, I don't believe, is completely evil.
Who abridged and took care of the Book of Mormon? A general. Who stands on top of our temples? A soldier.
People are coming to the LDS soldiers in the Middle East, both other soldiers and civilians, wanting to know of the truth and light they can feel those soldiers possess. There is a reason they are there.
On Friday I had the rare privilege of listening to the Kammerchor Vocalis out of Frankfurt, Germany, sing in the Assembly Hall on Temple Square. It is a choir made up of young adults from Germany, Switzerland, Denmark, and Norway, and I have a few friends in it (it was soo good to see them! :) ). They sang music from the Classical era, mostly Mozart and Mendelssohn, and a few arrangements from Mack Wilberg, all in German. And the singing was exquisite.
President Uchtdorf was there, with his wife (wearing an excellent Zebra striped blouse) and a few members of his family. He is much bigger in real life. His presence was almost solid in the way it filled the room. He couldn't get enough. The smile on his face reached every corner of the building. He gave the choir three well deserved standing ovations (I did, too).
The choir sang "I Believe in Christ," the Mack Wilberg arrangement, which in German is "Christus ist mein Herr." This is not my favorite hymn.
But in the third verse, the original English words say "Ye shall obtain." Christ is telling us we shall obtain his kingdom if we follow him.
The German translation for this line is "Du bist mein."
I don't know why they translated it this way, because "du bist mein" actually means "you are mine."
I think Mack Wilberg arranged it so this chord, on "mein," is engineered to give you chills.
But this time, the chills were much greater than I ever remember experiencing.
DU bist mein.
Du bist MEIN.
Du BIST mein.
How glad I am that I know this.
How great will it be when I actually hear these words.
(because German will be the language spoken in heaven. :) )
Tonight I went to a fireside by a man in my stake who was the Fire Chief for the Air Force in Kuwait. It was so good for me since one of my most favorite people in the world is serving in Iraq as a medic in the Army right now. Anyway, what he said provoked some thought in me.
There have been wars so long as humans have existed. There was a war before humans existed. In heaven. There was a war in heaven. War can be from God or Satan. It depends on who's side you are fighting on. But war itself, I don't believe, is completely evil.
Who abridged and took care of the Book of Mormon? A general. Who stands on top of our temples? A soldier.
People are coming to the LDS soldiers in the Middle East, both other soldiers and civilians, wanting to know of the truth and light they can feel those soldiers possess. There is a reason they are there.
On Friday I had the rare privilege of listening to the Kammerchor Vocalis out of Frankfurt, Germany, sing in the Assembly Hall on Temple Square. It is a choir made up of young adults from Germany, Switzerland, Denmark, and Norway, and I have a few friends in it (it was soo good to see them! :) ). They sang music from the Classical era, mostly Mozart and Mendelssohn, and a few arrangements from Mack Wilberg, all in German. And the singing was exquisite.
President Uchtdorf was there, with his wife (wearing an excellent Zebra striped blouse) and a few members of his family. He is much bigger in real life. His presence was almost solid in the way it filled the room. He couldn't get enough. The smile on his face reached every corner of the building. He gave the choir three well deserved standing ovations (I did, too).
The choir sang "I Believe in Christ," the Mack Wilberg arrangement, which in German is "Christus ist mein Herr." This is not my favorite hymn.
But in the third verse, the original English words say "Ye shall obtain." Christ is telling us we shall obtain his kingdom if we follow him.
The German translation for this line is "Du bist mein."
I don't know why they translated it this way, because "du bist mein" actually means "you are mine."
I think Mack Wilberg arranged it so this chord, on "mein," is engineered to give you chills.
But this time, the chills were much greater than I ever remember experiencing.
DU bist mein.
Du bist MEIN.
Du BIST mein.
How glad I am that I know this.
How great will it be when I actually hear these words.
(because German will be the language spoken in heaven. :) )
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Butterflies and Hurricanes
I FINISHED MY SCREENPLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It is beautiful.
I love it.
I will start revision in a few weeks.
It is beautiful.
I love it.
I will start revision in a few weeks.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
National Undergraduate Literature Conference
So for the past three days I have been at the National Undergraduate Literature Conference (NULC) at Weber State University in Ogden (UT). I had the opportunity to attend this conference because while I was feeling whimsical one week I submitted a paper and it got accepted (during the same week I signed up to be on the Scroll Readers' Panel for my school newspaper and did a couple of random surveys in hopes of winning some prize. I did end up with a $5 gift certificate to Jambe Juice. Booyah.). My paper was on T. S. Eliot's The Waste Land which I had written as my final paper for my American Realism and Modernism Literature course. I'll post it later once I'm back in Rexburg with my own computer.
Anyway, some notes about the conference:
We attended six sessions of readings spread over two days. Students read works of poetry, American literature, British literature, and World literature analysis; original poetry; original fiction; creative non-ficition; and there was one session dedicated to a French author (Moliere) and one session of Spanish compositions. These sessions gave me a lot of confidence about my writing, and also motivated me to read more (I am ridiculously illiterate for an English major).
In one of the sessions I went to, we began a superfluous debate about the importance of poetry in the world, and how it is dying out, and also the lack of motivated and qualified teachers in the world. You'd think all English teachers are motivated, qualified, and especially inspiring if you watched all the "education drama" films out there. But the truth is, they aren't. I was very blessed in my high school years to have only English teachers who were extremely passionate about language and literature, and it was one of them, Mrs. Lawrence, who inspired my current career path. But this debate made me feel more strongly about the possibility of pursuing a teaching career, because heaven knows I am passionate about language and literature, and also that I have natural teaching skills. Also as a part of the debate we discussed the use of the internet ot spread poetry, and I'd like to note that it is National Poetry Month, and I am receiving a poem-a-day from poets.org. Brilliant. April 30th is Poem-in-Your-Pocket Day, when you are supposed to carry a poem in yoru pocket and share it with someone at some point in the day. So get ready!
Beyond the student readings, we also had three authors speak to us. I missed the session with Maile Maloy, but I heard twice from Michael Chabon, who is a brilliant novelist. His writing reminded me of my friend Remington's, which is awesome, because Chabon has won the Pulitzer prize, and Remington is a goofy 19-year-old and a very dear friend of mine. So someday I will be very happy when he wins a pulitzer prize as well. His writing was jaw-dropping. We also had a poetry reading from Michael Sowder, who wasn't my particular favorite, but he did read one poem about the moon that was inspiring. He has won the T.S. Eliot Poetry prize and teaches at USU (of all places...hahaha).
Beyond that, I got to hang out with a bunch of English majors from my school! During dinner Friday night, we discussed our favorite words. One girl's favorite was pulchritudinous, which means beautiful. Mine is inevitable, and has been ever since I read Jack London's White Fang when I was 10. I love hanging out with English Majors.
One a light note, I saw Monsters vs. Aliens which was brilliant! So funny.
And in an effort to spread more poetry around, I will post my poem I wrote on the way down to the conference. This is the first draft, so don't expect anything good.
Deutsche Bahn (working title)
I miss long train rides
Watching the colorful flashes swing by
INF
I never knew what that meant
But I know now
That I want it back.
Fields beckoning
To my imagination
Thick and green
And ready to swallow me.
And I am ready to be swallowed.
My forehead leaned
On the cool Plexiglas pane.
Naechste Halt
Koeln Sued.
And everything is pleasant.
I don't have to talk to anybody.
Because they don't want to
Talk to me.
I've got music
And the fields
And graffiti.
Anyway, some notes about the conference:
We attended six sessions of readings spread over two days. Students read works of poetry, American literature, British literature, and World literature analysis; original poetry; original fiction; creative non-ficition; and there was one session dedicated to a French author (Moliere) and one session of Spanish compositions. These sessions gave me a lot of confidence about my writing, and also motivated me to read more (I am ridiculously illiterate for an English major).
In one of the sessions I went to, we began a superfluous debate about the importance of poetry in the world, and how it is dying out, and also the lack of motivated and qualified teachers in the world. You'd think all English teachers are motivated, qualified, and especially inspiring if you watched all the "education drama" films out there. But the truth is, they aren't. I was very blessed in my high school years to have only English teachers who were extremely passionate about language and literature, and it was one of them, Mrs. Lawrence, who inspired my current career path. But this debate made me feel more strongly about the possibility of pursuing a teaching career, because heaven knows I am passionate about language and literature, and also that I have natural teaching skills. Also as a part of the debate we discussed the use of the internet ot spread poetry, and I'd like to note that it is National Poetry Month, and I am receiving a poem-a-day from poets.org. Brilliant. April 30th is Poem-in-Your-Pocket Day, when you are supposed to carry a poem in yoru pocket and share it with someone at some point in the day. So get ready!
Beyond the student readings, we also had three authors speak to us. I missed the session with Maile Maloy, but I heard twice from Michael Chabon, who is a brilliant novelist. His writing reminded me of my friend Remington's, which is awesome, because Chabon has won the Pulitzer prize, and Remington is a goofy 19-year-old and a very dear friend of mine. So someday I will be very happy when he wins a pulitzer prize as well. His writing was jaw-dropping. We also had a poetry reading from Michael Sowder, who wasn't my particular favorite, but he did read one poem about the moon that was inspiring. He has won the T.S. Eliot Poetry prize and teaches at USU (of all places...hahaha).
Beyond that, I got to hang out with a bunch of English majors from my school! During dinner Friday night, we discussed our favorite words. One girl's favorite was pulchritudinous, which means beautiful. Mine is inevitable, and has been ever since I read Jack London's White Fang when I was 10. I love hanging out with English Majors.
One a light note, I saw Monsters vs. Aliens which was brilliant! So funny.
And in an effort to spread more poetry around, I will post my poem I wrote on the way down to the conference. This is the first draft, so don't expect anything good.
Deutsche Bahn (working title)
I miss long train rides
Watching the colorful flashes swing by
INF
I never knew what that meant
But I know now
That I want it back.
Fields beckoning
To my imagination
Thick and green
And ready to swallow me.
And I am ready to be swallowed.
My forehead leaned
On the cool Plexiglas pane.
Naechste Halt
Koeln Sued.
And everything is pleasant.
I don't have to talk to anybody.
Because they don't want to
Talk to me.
I've got music
And the fields
And graffiti.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Eirinn go Brach!!!!
It would be a crime for me not to write on my favorite holiday. So here goes.
A) I am insanely happy!
B) I love green!
C) I love Ireland!
D) I love corned beef and cabbage!
E) I love Celtic music!
F) I love the Gaelic language!
G) I love Irish step dancing!
F) I love myths and folklore!
H) I love magic!
I) I love today!
My best friend Diana and I have a hugeish party because it is our favorite holiday. We had to do it on two separate continents last year, but we still both did corned beef, cabbage, and red potatoes! (Well, there is no corned beef in Germany so I got other special beef, although why it was special I have no idea). Anyway, we delighted again this year in that deliciousness, after searching multiple stores for two days for the beef, we got what I think may have been the last ten pounds of corned beef in Rexburg. So worth it.
After the dinner, we had green cake and lime bars, and I told an Irish myth, about Finn Mac Cool, the largest giant in Ireland, and we watched some Riverdance. It was lovely.
Thank you Ireland, for giving us so many reasons to delight in life!
A) I am insanely happy!
B) I love green!
C) I love Ireland!
D) I love corned beef and cabbage!
E) I love Celtic music!
F) I love the Gaelic language!
G) I love Irish step dancing!
F) I love myths and folklore!
H) I love magic!
I) I love today!
My best friend Diana and I have a hugeish party because it is our favorite holiday. We had to do it on two separate continents last year, but we still both did corned beef, cabbage, and red potatoes! (Well, there is no corned beef in Germany so I got other special beef, although why it was special I have no idea). Anyway, we delighted again this year in that deliciousness, after searching multiple stores for two days for the beef, we got what I think may have been the last ten pounds of corned beef in Rexburg. So worth it.
After the dinner, we had green cake and lime bars, and I told an Irish myth, about Finn Mac Cool, the largest giant in Ireland, and we watched some Riverdance. It was lovely.
Thank you Ireland, for giving us so many reasons to delight in life!
Friday, March 6, 2009
DANCE YOUR HEART OUT!!
So, I LOVE to watch people dance.
I just got back from a dance performance at school, and it was WICKED awesome. It was life-inspiring.
The theme was Journey through Life, so each dance represented a new stage in life (BYU-I style) so we ranged from the pre-mortal existence to the Celestial kingdom (and you bet there were several songs devoted to the mission, waiting for missionaries, dating, and marriage, but it's cool). But that aside, it was so beautiful. The dancing style ranged from ballet to hip hop. It made me want to sing. Because that is the closest I get to dancing.
Other cool things this week:
Yesterday my Screenwriting class got out over an hour early, so I was able to make it to the German Association meeting. I had an hour in which I probably only spoke 5 sentences of English. SO HAPPY!
I finished reading Pride and Prejudice for the first time this afternoon. I liked it much better than I expected, but I'm not sure if I'm in love with it. There are definitely characters that I adore, but I don't know if I will ever read it again.
I have experienced several tender mercies, particularly in relation to a certain friend of mine. I love him dearly. I am so grateful that he is a part of my life. All the experiences of the past 18 months have been worth the depth and strength that have come out of my friendship with him in the past three days.
Basically, I'm in love with life. I want to SING CLASSIC ROCK AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS OUT OF ADRENALINE-PUMPED EUPHORIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the end.
I just got back from a dance performance at school, and it was WICKED awesome. It was life-inspiring.
The theme was Journey through Life, so each dance represented a new stage in life (BYU-I style) so we ranged from the pre-mortal existence to the Celestial kingdom (and you bet there were several songs devoted to the mission, waiting for missionaries, dating, and marriage, but it's cool). But that aside, it was so beautiful. The dancing style ranged from ballet to hip hop. It made me want to sing. Because that is the closest I get to dancing.
Other cool things this week:
Yesterday my Screenwriting class got out over an hour early, so I was able to make it to the German Association meeting. I had an hour in which I probably only spoke 5 sentences of English. SO HAPPY!
I finished reading Pride and Prejudice for the first time this afternoon. I liked it much better than I expected, but I'm not sure if I'm in love with it. There are definitely characters that I adore, but I don't know if I will ever read it again.
I have experienced several tender mercies, particularly in relation to a certain friend of mine. I love him dearly. I am so grateful that he is a part of my life. All the experiences of the past 18 months have been worth the depth and strength that have come out of my friendship with him in the past three days.
Basically, I'm in love with life. I want to SING CLASSIC ROCK AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS OUT OF ADRENALINE-PUMPED EUPHORIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the end.
Monday, March 2, 2009
I'm not kidding when I say Weddings are my Favorite!
One of my best friends of all time got engaged on Saturday night. They had already planned most of their wedding, but she finally got the ring. They are getting married on June 30th.
I also have one friend from high school getting married in May.
As well as two of the former missionaries from Germany, one getting married on April 25th, and the other on June 12th.
One of my FHE brothers is getting married on August 8th also.
And two of the members of my bowling team are getting married (to each other) on April 18th.
The girlfriend of another one of my FHE brothers (Cory) stayed with us this past weekend, and one of my roommates is dating an incredible guy in our ward.
One of the other former missionaries was telling me last night about his progression with this girl, which has been a slow and careful process, but is finally paying off.
I am just filled to the brim with joy seeing these successful, happy relationships bloom and grow. I really am so excited for all of these people in my life and their progression into eternal happiness (and hard work).
I love everything about weddings. I love the planning process, I love the details, I love the individual aspect of each wedding that fits so well with the particular couple.
Mostly I love seeing how people are willing to take that risk, and that they are willing to take a chance on eternal commitment - the kind that fights through the struggles and wins.
Every time I see one of my friends take this step I am filled with an overwhelming sense of awesomeness. Marriage is HUGE! Much too huge for me. But I am thrilled to feel the love that my friends are experiencing, and watch them tackle this gargantuan responsibility. I really admire people who want to take this step.
"You are the brightest star." -Between the Trees "White Lines and Red Lights"
I also have one friend from high school getting married in May.
As well as two of the former missionaries from Germany, one getting married on April 25th, and the other on June 12th.
One of my FHE brothers is getting married on August 8th also.
And two of the members of my bowling team are getting married (to each other) on April 18th.
The girlfriend of another one of my FHE brothers (Cory) stayed with us this past weekend, and one of my roommates is dating an incredible guy in our ward.
One of the other former missionaries was telling me last night about his progression with this girl, which has been a slow and careful process, but is finally paying off.
I am just filled to the brim with joy seeing these successful, happy relationships bloom and grow. I really am so excited for all of these people in my life and their progression into eternal happiness (and hard work).
I love everything about weddings. I love the planning process, I love the details, I love the individual aspect of each wedding that fits so well with the particular couple.
Mostly I love seeing how people are willing to take that risk, and that they are willing to take a chance on eternal commitment - the kind that fights through the struggles and wins.
Every time I see one of my friends take this step I am filled with an overwhelming sense of awesomeness. Marriage is HUGE! Much too huge for me. But I am thrilled to feel the love that my friends are experiencing, and watch them tackle this gargantuan responsibility. I really admire people who want to take this step.
"You are the brightest star." -Between the Trees "White Lines and Red Lights"
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Parakeets
So I just found this poem I wrote during my senior year of high school. Despite its age, it is still pretty good. I decided to post it so my sisters could read it cause they'll understand it more than anyone else would.
Snow Fall
Singing sweetly with bright black eyes
The white bird sits alone in her cage.
She gains a friend, a blue bird her size
Blue bird is quiet and young in age.
White bird is eating and blue bird screams
Pulls white bird's tail and scares her away
Blue bird haunts white bird's dreams
Away from screeches and shrieks she'll stay.
White bird is becoming hollow;
Blud bird yields to superfluity.
New bird doesn't know which to follow,
White surrounded by blue, heavenly.
White bird, lying on the floor
No movement, barely taking breath.
Pick her up and out the door
To a new cage to escape death.
Death is not escaped.
And thus Angel cannot stop
the Snow fall
from Sky.
Snow falls.
Snow Fall
Singing sweetly with bright black eyes
The white bird sits alone in her cage.
She gains a friend, a blue bird her size
Blue bird is quiet and young in age.
White bird is eating and blue bird screams
Pulls white bird's tail and scares her away
Blue bird haunts white bird's dreams
Away from screeches and shrieks she'll stay.
White bird is becoming hollow;
Blud bird yields to superfluity.
New bird doesn't know which to follow,
White surrounded by blue, heavenly.
White bird, lying on the floor
No movement, barely taking breath.
Pick her up and out the door
To a new cage to escape death.
Death is not escaped.
And thus Angel cannot stop
the Snow fall
from Sky.
Snow falls.
Friday, February 20, 2009
The Curious Case of Cory Caswell
I don't know if it's because we were talking about Abraham Maslow and existentialism and the 60s today in my psychology class...but I just had this breakthrough/epiphany.
I have this FHE brother, Cory. And from day one, he has been blowing all our minds. Honestly, about 55-75% of the conversation in my house is about him. Which is pretty significant, considering we are 20-22-year-old girls, who have been trained to think about and talk about and obsess about quite different things.
The first few times we met Cory, he probably didn't say a word. But he kept coming over to hang out with us with his roommates. His roommates' motives for wanting to hang out with us were obvious. His motives? We figured it couldn't be just to get to know us, cause he never spoke. So what was the deal?
Well, being me, I can't resist an enigma. I am absolutely powerless against them. And his roommates kept talking about how much they love him...so there had to be something redeeming about this twiggy bit of silence. So I started being very straightforward with him. And he responded very well. I was shocked.
After I got over the shock, I continued to ask him whatever came to my mind on whatever subject, directly related to him or not. And he gave me very direct answers. And I discovered what may be the epitome of quirkiness.
Cory owns countless guns. He keeps them in his car and his bedroom. He has only a select few here. The other dozens are at home in California (the Bay area).
Cory listens to, almost exclusively, techno (but not trance), classic rock (mostly the Led), and The Mars Volta. Cory also hates Muse with a fiery passion (fiery, but not burning. Although I am convinced this passion began to exist the moment he discovered my fiery,
burning love for Muse, and it came into existence just to irritate me).
Cory's singular love in his life is his cat, C-go (Cory-go). No woman will ever be able to compete with this cat. Direct quote: "If C-go could have kittens, my heart would melt into my diaphragm from joy."
Cory's primary hobby is paintballing. In addition to real guns, Cory spends hundreds of dollars each year on paintball guns. You can view them all on Myspace.
Cory's secondary hobby is video gaming. His current favorites are "Left for Dead" and "Guitar Hero: World Tour," which he will only play the drums for.
But these habits are only the beginning. These in themselves seem relatively harmless. What is really mind-boggling is his view on life.
Cory loves to destroy things. According to the personality theory of Erich Fromm, Cory would have acute Necrophilia, meaning an obsession with war, destruction, death, and he enjoys inflicting it if he can. Once we went to the store, and Cory bought everything he needed to make a small bomb in a water bottle, then he made it and set it off right outside of his apartment. In fact, Cory's knowledge of weaponry is both impressive and frightening. He can give intimate details about pretty much every explosive I've ever wanted to know about.
On the other hand, nothing brings Cory more joy than fuzzy things (like his cat). Mention kittens or puppies and Cory will melt in your arms. His mom used to breed Cavaliers, in fact, and once we had a battle of who had the cuter cavalier puppy pictures (Stacey won). Cory has a profuse collection of fleece blankets. He also has a kilt, as a side note. And a few Scottish flags. No bagpipes, unfortunately.
Once in Sunday school, the teacher asked us if we had any stories about receiving an immediate answer to prayer. Cory shared a story about his oscillating hedge trimmers, in which he prayed to be able to disobey his father and was then able to do so. It wasn't a serious disobedience (less than the Little Mermaid, anyway) but regardless. It was arbitrary.
Last night Cory almost yelled at me for telling him he was a great guy.
Taking in all of these factors, I believe I have finally figured out what the deal is. Cory is the truest non-conformist of all time. Because he doesn't realize that he is a non-conformist.
I think there are certains mechanisms in human nature that tell us we need to fit into a category. Probably because we naturally categorize everything we perceive into schemas, which includes other human beings. Let's be honest, you can probably stereotype yourself. For example, I love my roommates, and they are all very wonderful and interesting people, but there are definite stereotypes for all of us: Kasey - the athlete, Kristen - the sassy one, Sarah - the quirky one, Katie - the hot dancer one, and me - the English majory way too smart one. I can't even begin to stereotype Cory Caswell.
Because Cory Caswell does what he wants to do.
I have always liked the color purple. Ever since about first grade. But until a few months ago, I never admitted it, I hardly ever wore purple clothes, I never used purple in the scheme of my life. Why? Because it didn't seem to fit in what I felt was who I am, or how I perceived at least. Because purple is a color of luxury and romance. And I am not an advocate of luxury and romance.
Cory Caswell does not even conceive of limitations like that, consciously or unconsciously (probably). He just is and does whatever he likes without even thinking about it.
His roommate put it best. I was walking home with him, telling him I was going home to write a paper that was due in two hours. He replied, "Well, hopefully then Cory isn't at your house corying around."
Cory Caswell: (n) an apotheosis of existentialism; pure humanity
to cory: (v) to distract, tease, and uplift simutaneously
In reality, we are all a little bit of Cory Caswell. We all have quirks and anomalies in our personalities. But we recognize them as that. Cory just has them. May we all become a bit more Cory Caswell.
I have this FHE brother, Cory. And from day one, he has been blowing all our minds. Honestly, about 55-75% of the conversation in my house is about him. Which is pretty significant, considering we are 20-22-year-old girls, who have been trained to think about and talk about and obsess about quite different things.
The first few times we met Cory, he probably didn't say a word. But he kept coming over to hang out with us with his roommates. His roommates' motives for wanting to hang out with us were obvious. His motives? We figured it couldn't be just to get to know us, cause he never spoke. So what was the deal?
Well, being me, I can't resist an enigma. I am absolutely powerless against them. And his roommates kept talking about how much they love him...so there had to be something redeeming about this twiggy bit of silence. So I started being very straightforward with him. And he responded very well. I was shocked.
After I got over the shock, I continued to ask him whatever came to my mind on whatever subject, directly related to him or not. And he gave me very direct answers. And I discovered what may be the epitome of quirkiness.
Cory owns countless guns. He keeps them in his car and his bedroom. He has only a select few here. The other dozens are at home in California (the Bay area).
Cory listens to, almost exclusively, techno (but not trance), classic rock (mostly the Led), and The Mars Volta. Cory also hates Muse with a fiery passion (fiery, but not burning. Although I am convinced this passion began to exist the moment he discovered my fiery,
burning love for Muse, and it came into existence just to irritate me).Cory's singular love in his life is his cat, C-go (Cory-go). No woman will ever be able to compete with this cat. Direct quote: "If C-go could have kittens, my heart would melt into my diaphragm from joy."
Cory's primary hobby is paintballing. In addition to real guns, Cory spends hundreds of dollars each year on paintball guns. You can view them all on Myspace.
Cory's secondary hobby is video gaming. His current favorites are "Left for Dead" and "Guitar Hero: World Tour," which he will only play the drums for.
But these habits are only the beginning. These in themselves seem relatively harmless. What is really mind-boggling is his view on life.
Cory loves to destroy things. According to the personality theory of Erich Fromm, Cory would have acute Necrophilia, meaning an obsession with war, destruction, death, and he enjoys inflicting it if he can. Once we went to the store, and Cory bought everything he needed to make a small bomb in a water bottle, then he made it and set it off right outside of his apartment. In fact, Cory's knowledge of weaponry is both impressive and frightening. He can give intimate details about pretty much every explosive I've ever wanted to know about.
On the other hand, nothing brings Cory more joy than fuzzy things (like his cat). Mention kittens or puppies and Cory will melt in your arms. His mom used to breed Cavaliers, in fact, and once we had a battle of who had the cuter cavalier puppy pictures (Stacey won). Cory has a profuse collection of fleece blankets. He also has a kilt, as a side note. And a few Scottish flags. No bagpipes, unfortunately.
Once in Sunday school, the teacher asked us if we had any stories about receiving an immediate answer to prayer. Cory shared a story about his oscillating hedge trimmers, in which he prayed to be able to disobey his father and was then able to do so. It wasn't a serious disobedience (less than the Little Mermaid, anyway) but regardless. It was arbitrary.
Last night Cory almost yelled at me for telling him he was a great guy.
Taking in all of these factors, I believe I have finally figured out what the deal is. Cory is the truest non-conformist of all time. Because he doesn't realize that he is a non-conformist.
I think there are certains mechanisms in human nature that tell us we need to fit into a category. Probably because we naturally categorize everything we perceive into schemas, which includes other human beings. Let's be honest, you can probably stereotype yourself. For example, I love my roommates, and they are all very wonderful and interesting people, but there are definite stereotypes for all of us: Kasey - the athlete, Kristen - the sassy one, Sarah - the quirky one, Katie - the hot dancer one, and me - the English majory way too smart one. I can't even begin to stereotype Cory Caswell.
Because Cory Caswell does what he wants to do.
I have always liked the color purple. Ever since about first grade. But until a few months ago, I never admitted it, I hardly ever wore purple clothes, I never used purple in the scheme of my life. Why? Because it didn't seem to fit in what I felt was who I am, or how I perceived at least. Because purple is a color of luxury and romance. And I am not an advocate of luxury and romance.
Cory Caswell does not even conceive of limitations like that, consciously or unconsciously (probably). He just is and does whatever he likes without even thinking about it.
His roommate put it best. I was walking home with him, telling him I was going home to write a paper that was due in two hours. He replied, "Well, hopefully then Cory isn't at your house corying around."
Cory Caswell: (n) an apotheosis of existentialism; pure humanity
to cory: (v) to distract, tease, and uplift simutaneously
In reality, we are all a little bit of Cory Caswell. We all have quirks and anomalies in our personalities. But we recognize them as that. Cory just has them. May we all become a bit more Cory Caswell.
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