Happy Easter Thoughts

Just going to blog about two really important things in one post. Hopefully it doesn't get out of control.

Last week, on March 27, 2013, I received an acceptance letter from my #1 choice of grad school at Edinburgh Napier University in Edinburgh, Scotland in a Masters of Arts in Screenwriting program. I have researched this school and pondered about actually going to grad school for over a year. It was not a decision I made lightly.

It's a huge decision - the expenses will be paid for almost entirely with loans, so I will be incurring more debt than I've ever had. I will be moving to a foreign country - alone this time - to live - alone - for a year. I will be completely on my own when it comes to everything I need to do to survive, from eating to writing a full length feature film. Some of it will be easy, because some of it I've done before. Some of it won't be, because there are some things I will have to do that I've never done on my own before, or I've always had a fail safe Plan B for.

The feelings I felt knowing that I was in the program, and that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing - what I feel like I was made to do - were astronomical. It really was too much for my body to comprehend. Then of course, there trickled in the gravity of what I was really doing. I was consciously taking my whole life, and hefting it into a higher plane of existence. A place that I hadn't known it would go. And that was followed with doubt - how am I going to pay for it? What if the loans don't cover enough and I don't save/earn enough, and I end up homeless in Scotland, or worse, have to leave? What if I don't have the talent it takes to get a career, or even a job, from this degree? What if I fail my classes? What if I get kidnapped? Each doubt more irrational than the one before (cause we all know I'd never get kidnapped - I'd kick their trash before they could take me).

I was battling these feelings - all the while still knowing that this was the right path for me to take - this morning. And then I began to remember this:


Of course because today is Easter, but in my stake, we've had the privilege of studying about the Atonement all month with this amazing 30-day study guide: http://atonementofjesuschrist.blogspot.com/.

And I combined what I'd learned from studying about the Atonement into what is going on in my life right now. What I learned was:

1. Heavenly Father loves me, and each of us, so much that He sent His Only Begotten Son to stuffer every pain imaginable (physical, emotional, and spiritual) so that we would never have to be alone and we could always receive strength from Jesus Christ.
2. Jesus Christ also paid the price for every sin ever committed on this earth, and if we accept that payment (by obedience and our own sacrifices), we can return to live with Heavenly Father and Jesus in glory forever.
3. We only need to call on our Father and Brother to receive the help and strength we need. We should talk to them all the time, really, because having a closer relationship with them makes everything in our lives happier and easier.

Well, here I am, desperately needing help, and with this beautiful knowledge that it is there, waiting for me to take it.

It's still scary, but I know I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I also know that the Lord will provide for me to grow to the capacity I need to be at to handle the challenges, as well as provide solutions to the challenges I will face...for the rest of my life.

I never would have made it this far without Him, but also wouldn't have made it without a few other people/experiences:

1. Obviously my parents, as well as all my sisters, who have been in examples to me in ways they probably don't even realize.
2. BYU-Idaho, where I realized my passions and purpose, and also learned how to be my own woman and truly find joy in life. As well as meet my two best friends, Diana Toronto and Kristen Cox, and Stephanie Palmer who introduced to me the idea of going to grad school in the UK (and is also a wonderful friend).
3. Living in Germany, which taught me that I am smart and capable, and I can stand on my own two feet without falling. I also made many new best friends there who taught me how to love (Miriam Blanchette), work hard (Hiu Tung Hung), and be patient (Kurt Thatcher).
4. Living in Draper, which has helped me refine so many edges of my personality that I feel like I'm a completely different person because of what I've learned here. I am so grateful for a bishop who challenges me to be more than what I have become. Also so grateful for my other best friend Jill Christensen who has rocked my world into epicness, and Andrew Clark and Jenna Bowman who probably have no idea what a stellar influence they've had on me. :)
5. The opportunity I've had to go to the temple and learn about Heavenly Father's plan for me and all of us. The knowledge I have gained there is more precious than any knowledge I will ever get from school. Also thanks to Rachel Fisihetau, Candace Larsen, and Stephanie Palmer for getting me to go regularly and keeping me going regularly.

I know that I am watched over and loved by a Father in Heaven who knows every bit of me. I am grateful to know of His amazing plan that allows me to return to Him and reach my full potential. I am excited to live His plan and do amazing things with my life (even if I don't know how it will happen!).

Final Analysis of the Twilight Saga

So over the past few months, my sister Jill and my dear friend Jill have both been...pressuring...me to watch the Twilight movies. Watch, because they knew reading was beyond the powers of their persuasion. And out of a great act of love, I did. Here's my synopsis:

1. Twilight: Hilariously disgusting.
2. New Moon: Horrific.
3. Eclipse: Hilariously disturbing.
4. Breaking Dawn #1: Unnerving, and yet...decent.
5. Breaking Dawn #2:  Continuously decent, and then hilariously violent.

Now, I could probably write a huge essay detailing why I feel this way. But I will try to be precise. For more details on my views on the despicable morality of Twilight, see here. But for my more optimistic views now that I've seen the whole story, stay right where you're at.

1. Bella and Edward's relationship.

I still think that Edward is just a prettier version of Anakin Skywalker. Super obsessive and creepy. Yeah, I'll be honest. I found that kind of ardent attention attractive (in Anakin), until I dated a guy who gave me that kind of attention. Ladies: it is not exciting or flattering or endearing after about...two days. It is a burden; it causes fear and anxiety in your life. Some women are willing to continue putting up with it. It took Padme's life to do so. I almost did it, too, and thank goodness that path of my life was intervened.

BUT: Once they get married, their relationship changes. Actually, I should say, once they find out Bella's pregnant (don't get me started on the holes in the logic here, such as a 100-year-old vampire having semen) their relationship changes. According to Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, the "falling in love" sensation lasts about two years. After that, love requires commitment and choice and dedication and all those things that everyone warns you about. Bella and Edward's two years were long up by they time they get married. But the dedication they showed to each other in the face of this huge trial was surprising to me. And then after the "baby" was born, the continued dedication they showed to each other and their daughter was impressive. Yes, impressive. I was impressed. So that was pretty much the most redeeming aspect of the entire series. Bella and Edward were pretty good parents and the message about family unity was undeniably timely.

2. Bella and Jacob's relationship.

Let me put this out there: WHY on earth would you date/marry a creepy-face killer when you could marry an immensely attractive wolf man who completely accepts you for who you are, understands your feelings and your viewpoint, and keeps you warm at night? Done and done.

Clearly if I were on a team, it would be Team Jacob. Yeah, it's not as magnetic or electric or whatever as Bella and Edward's "Chemistry." Well, let me tell you something about chemistry. All reactions reach a point where are the molecules have spent their energy and there is nothing left to react. What lasts forever? True friendship. This is what healthy relationships are based on.

The whole imprint thing still sicks me out.

3. Overall plot arc.

I always thought the idea of a teenager falling in love with a vampire was intriguing. Ever since I read the first book, anyway. Great premise for a story. A government for vampires (thereby establishing a history and depth to their reality)? Brilliant. Arch-enemies in werewolves? Not too creative, but overcoming that for love...that has potential. All of these were poorly executed. But good ideas. Good enough ideas that they do in fact contribute to my resevoir of writing inspiration. The story contributes. Not the writing. And especially not the "no killing my main characters" stuff, and not because of a strong non-violence standpoint like Aang has (The Last Airbender). Am I happy that Fred Weasley died? Heck to the no!! It still hurts my heart to think about it. But am I glad Rowling did it? Yes. It increases my respect for her as a writer, and also in a battle of good vs evil, there has to be casualties, and just because someone loves you, doesn't mean you're safe. However, Twilight was not a story of good vs evil. It wasn't even a story of moral growth or strength. That's probably why the parenthood was my favorite part of the whole thing: because it revealed the most moral character in Bella and Edward (and the whole Cullen family, as well as Jacob). This is a story without archetypes or symbolism. It's sole purpose was to explore the aspects of love, and it doesn't even start on real love until after they get married.

4. Femininity:

I was for a long while appalled at Bella's perturbing setbacks in portraying independent female protagonists (by independent I mean thinking for themselves, making hard choices because it's what's best and not necessarily what they want, having grown-up emotions). But she almost entirely redeemed that with her motherhood. Because motherhood is the pinnacle of femininity.


So there you have it. Now I've seen the whole thing. I didn't hate every minute of it (although there were moments in every movie when I found myself asking "why isn't this over yet?" and I laughed out loud at inappropriate parts of each movie). I found some shiny (or glittering?) beacons of hope in it. But I don't feel the need to ever watch it again. Maybe if I was on lortab. ;)

Excellent Journalism

I just wanted to share this extremely well-written news article I read during my down-time at work: Floods in Brazil

The writer in me is never asleep even though I now have a job that doesn't require any writing at all (unless you count emails that are usually two sentences or less). At least my job does use my four semesters of German from college, if absolutely nothing else. So far.

When I wrote for the Scroll at BYU-Idaho, I was really frustrated with the formality of the writing, because I wanted to write creatively. Of course in journalism there are rules about accuracy, so my usual descriptive language was often judged as subjective and therefore unfit to print. This is one of the biggest reasons why I only stayed on staff for one semester. I had about three articles that I thoroughly enjoyed writing, which was too small of a percentage.

The above article, however, is a masterpiece in my opinion. It is vivid, rugged, wrenching, and graceful, just like the country of its subject. This is brilliant journalism.