Happy Easter Thoughts

Just going to blog about two really important things in one post. Hopefully it doesn't get out of control.

Last week, on March 27, 2013, I received an acceptance letter from my #1 choice of grad school at Edinburgh Napier University in Edinburgh, Scotland in a Masters of Arts in Screenwriting program. I have researched this school and pondered about actually going to grad school for over a year. It was not a decision I made lightly.

It's a huge decision - the expenses will be paid for almost entirely with loans, so I will be incurring more debt than I've ever had. I will be moving to a foreign country - alone this time - to live - alone - for a year. I will be completely on my own when it comes to everything I need to do to survive, from eating to writing a full length feature film. Some of it will be easy, because some of it I've done before. Some of it won't be, because there are some things I will have to do that I've never done on my own before, or I've always had a fail safe Plan B for.

The feelings I felt knowing that I was in the program, and that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing - what I feel like I was made to do - were astronomical. It really was too much for my body to comprehend. Then of course, there trickled in the gravity of what I was really doing. I was consciously taking my whole life, and hefting it into a higher plane of existence. A place that I hadn't known it would go. And that was followed with doubt - how am I going to pay for it? What if the loans don't cover enough and I don't save/earn enough, and I end up homeless in Scotland, or worse, have to leave? What if I don't have the talent it takes to get a career, or even a job, from this degree? What if I fail my classes? What if I get kidnapped? Each doubt more irrational than the one before (cause we all know I'd never get kidnapped - I'd kick their trash before they could take me).

I was battling these feelings - all the while still knowing that this was the right path for me to take - this morning. And then I began to remember this:


Of course because today is Easter, but in my stake, we've had the privilege of studying about the Atonement all month with this amazing 30-day study guide: http://atonementofjesuschrist.blogspot.com/.

And I combined what I'd learned from studying about the Atonement into what is going on in my life right now. What I learned was:

1. Heavenly Father loves me, and each of us, so much that He sent His Only Begotten Son to stuffer every pain imaginable (physical, emotional, and spiritual) so that we would never have to be alone and we could always receive strength from Jesus Christ.
2. Jesus Christ also paid the price for every sin ever committed on this earth, and if we accept that payment (by obedience and our own sacrifices), we can return to live with Heavenly Father and Jesus in glory forever.
3. We only need to call on our Father and Brother to receive the help and strength we need. We should talk to them all the time, really, because having a closer relationship with them makes everything in our lives happier and easier.

Well, here I am, desperately needing help, and with this beautiful knowledge that it is there, waiting for me to take it.

It's still scary, but I know I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I also know that the Lord will provide for me to grow to the capacity I need to be at to handle the challenges, as well as provide solutions to the challenges I will face...for the rest of my life.

I never would have made it this far without Him, but also wouldn't have made it without a few other people/experiences:

1. Obviously my parents, as well as all my sisters, who have been in examples to me in ways they probably don't even realize.
2. BYU-Idaho, where I realized my passions and purpose, and also learned how to be my own woman and truly find joy in life. As well as meet my two best friends, Diana Toronto and Kristen Cox, and Stephanie Palmer who introduced to me the idea of going to grad school in the UK (and is also a wonderful friend).
3. Living in Germany, which taught me that I am smart and capable, and I can stand on my own two feet without falling. I also made many new best friends there who taught me how to love (Miriam Blanchette), work hard (Hiu Tung Hung), and be patient (Kurt Thatcher).
4. Living in Draper, which has helped me refine so many edges of my personality that I feel like I'm a completely different person because of what I've learned here. I am so grateful for a bishop who challenges me to be more than what I have become. Also so grateful for my other best friend Jill Christensen who has rocked my world into epicness, and Andrew Clark and Jenna Bowman who probably have no idea what a stellar influence they've had on me. :)
5. The opportunity I've had to go to the temple and learn about Heavenly Father's plan for me and all of us. The knowledge I have gained there is more precious than any knowledge I will ever get from school. Also thanks to Rachel Fisihetau, Candace Larsen, and Stephanie Palmer for getting me to go regularly and keeping me going regularly.

I know that I am watched over and loved by a Father in Heaven who knows every bit of me. I am grateful to know of His amazing plan that allows me to return to Him and reach my full potential. I am excited to live His plan and do amazing things with my life (even if I don't know how it will happen!).

Mowing the Lawn: A Romantic Take

I haven't mowed my parents' lawn in 6 years, since I graduated high school, but with my parents and my two youngest sisters out of town for 2 weeks (since one of them usually takes care of it), I had to mow it today. And I was quite surprised at how much I learned while pushing that ancient mechanical vegetarian around.

I hated mowing the lawn as a teenager. If my parent's hadn't paid me for it, I probably would've suffered a lot of nagging for my neglect of the chore. But today I learned lesson number one: Somewhere between now and then, I learned to love physical labor. I'm going to say this was at Jacob Lake, although it had probably been building up since Germany. Working in the bakery at Jacob Lake was the most physically intense job I've ever had, and nearly every other activity at Jacob Lake, that I engaged in, was physical as well. I went running 5-6 times a week, and on my days off I went hiking or swimming for hours almost every single week. Not to mention hiking across the Grand Canyon in one day, which I still need to blog about. After that experience, I can say that I am not afraid to use my body for work because I'm much more aware of what it can do. Karate is helping with that, too. I'm very glad that I changed from a soft, spoiled teenager into a hard-working, borderline-athletic adult. :)

Next lesson was more gradual over the course of 90 minutes of mowing.  See, the lawn hadn't been mowed in a while, and had grown quite tall because of all the rain we've been having here. To give you an idea, the dogs looked like lionesses on the hunt in the grasslands of Africa as they ran around the yard. I remembered as a kid begging my dad to let the grass grow that long at some point, because I just knew it would inspire something fantastic in me, not to mention be less itchy. He never let it grow that long, but I was right, it would inspire something fantastic in me, because it did today.

I had forgotten something very important: I super love nature. Being in the backyard for that long brought back a lot of memories (as a child, if I wasn't down the street at the Cards' house, I was in the backyard crawling around on my hands and knees), especially concerning the cherry tree we have growing on the hill, where I spent many hours reading books among the branches. Back then, it was much easier to just go outside and be happy, and I want to get back to that fundamental value. Whenever life is stressful, take a stroll through the park. Walk the dogs. Fall asleep in some grass. Admire some flowers. Even a few minutes of this is rejuvenating.

I think this is why Germany and Jacob Lake and Rexburg are such happy places in my life. All three of them are surrounded in wilderness. In Rexburg, I lived across the street from a park for most of my time there, plus there were the sand dunes, wide open fields, short hikes, caves, and abundant places for bonfires within half an hour of everywhere. In Germany, the cities are like little pockets of civilization contained in the vast recklessly majestic forest. And Jacob Lake was just a group of maybe ten buildings with 40 miles of forest in every direction before you hit any more buildings. I think I'm a country girl with better taste in music.

So, how is this Romantic? It's "big R Romantic," meaning from the philosophical era of Romanticism. Commune with nature, free yourself from inhibitions, dare to dream...

I've been having a lot of epiphanies around these kind of subjects lately. I guess I'm in a growing period. But I can't talk about them all now, so look for upcoming entries on Glee and Avatar: The Last Airbender. :)