Happy Easter Thoughts

Just going to blog about two really important things in one post. Hopefully it doesn't get out of control.

Last week, on March 27, 2013, I received an acceptance letter from my #1 choice of grad school at Edinburgh Napier University in Edinburgh, Scotland in a Masters of Arts in Screenwriting program. I have researched this school and pondered about actually going to grad school for over a year. It was not a decision I made lightly.

It's a huge decision - the expenses will be paid for almost entirely with loans, so I will be incurring more debt than I've ever had. I will be moving to a foreign country - alone this time - to live - alone - for a year. I will be completely on my own when it comes to everything I need to do to survive, from eating to writing a full length feature film. Some of it will be easy, because some of it I've done before. Some of it won't be, because there are some things I will have to do that I've never done on my own before, or I've always had a fail safe Plan B for.

The feelings I felt knowing that I was in the program, and that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing - what I feel like I was made to do - were astronomical. It really was too much for my body to comprehend. Then of course, there trickled in the gravity of what I was really doing. I was consciously taking my whole life, and hefting it into a higher plane of existence. A place that I hadn't known it would go. And that was followed with doubt - how am I going to pay for it? What if the loans don't cover enough and I don't save/earn enough, and I end up homeless in Scotland, or worse, have to leave? What if I don't have the talent it takes to get a career, or even a job, from this degree? What if I fail my classes? What if I get kidnapped? Each doubt more irrational than the one before (cause we all know I'd never get kidnapped - I'd kick their trash before they could take me).

I was battling these feelings - all the while still knowing that this was the right path for me to take - this morning. And then I began to remember this:


Of course because today is Easter, but in my stake, we've had the privilege of studying about the Atonement all month with this amazing 30-day study guide: http://atonementofjesuschrist.blogspot.com/.

And I combined what I'd learned from studying about the Atonement into what is going on in my life right now. What I learned was:

1. Heavenly Father loves me, and each of us, so much that He sent His Only Begotten Son to stuffer every pain imaginable (physical, emotional, and spiritual) so that we would never have to be alone and we could always receive strength from Jesus Christ.
2. Jesus Christ also paid the price for every sin ever committed on this earth, and if we accept that payment (by obedience and our own sacrifices), we can return to live with Heavenly Father and Jesus in glory forever.
3. We only need to call on our Father and Brother to receive the help and strength we need. We should talk to them all the time, really, because having a closer relationship with them makes everything in our lives happier and easier.

Well, here I am, desperately needing help, and with this beautiful knowledge that it is there, waiting for me to take it.

It's still scary, but I know I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I also know that the Lord will provide for me to grow to the capacity I need to be at to handle the challenges, as well as provide solutions to the challenges I will face...for the rest of my life.

I never would have made it this far without Him, but also wouldn't have made it without a few other people/experiences:

1. Obviously my parents, as well as all my sisters, who have been in examples to me in ways they probably don't even realize.
2. BYU-Idaho, where I realized my passions and purpose, and also learned how to be my own woman and truly find joy in life. As well as meet my two best friends, Diana Toronto and Kristen Cox, and Stephanie Palmer who introduced to me the idea of going to grad school in the UK (and is also a wonderful friend).
3. Living in Germany, which taught me that I am smart and capable, and I can stand on my own two feet without falling. I also made many new best friends there who taught me how to love (Miriam Blanchette), work hard (Hiu Tung Hung), and be patient (Kurt Thatcher).
4. Living in Draper, which has helped me refine so many edges of my personality that I feel like I'm a completely different person because of what I've learned here. I am so grateful for a bishop who challenges me to be more than what I have become. Also so grateful for my other best friend Jill Christensen who has rocked my world into epicness, and Andrew Clark and Jenna Bowman who probably have no idea what a stellar influence they've had on me. :)
5. The opportunity I've had to go to the temple and learn about Heavenly Father's plan for me and all of us. The knowledge I have gained there is more precious than any knowledge I will ever get from school. Also thanks to Rachel Fisihetau, Candace Larsen, and Stephanie Palmer for getting me to go regularly and keeping me going regularly.

I know that I am watched over and loved by a Father in Heaven who knows every bit of me. I am grateful to know of His amazing plan that allows me to return to Him and reach my full potential. I am excited to live His plan and do amazing things with my life (even if I don't know how it will happen!).

What I Learned from Britney Spears

So I went on a cruise to Mexico over this past week. I'm not going to blog about it. Sorry.

But I am going to blog about one experience that I had on the cruise, the highlight of the cruise (or at least the parts where we were on the ship) for me. A truly life-changing experience.

They had a show called Carnival Legends where any old person on the cruise could audition by going to karaoke and singing a song by one of the legendary artists they were going to present at the show. I thought there was no harm in trying out. At the very least it'd give me some experience and feedback for my voice lessons.

So I went, and I signed up to try out for Madonna and Aretha Franklin. Unfortunately there were some women (who were awesome) that pleased the crowd a little better than I did. But then the DJ announced that no one had signed up to audition for Britney Spears. So I thought, why not. Another girl signed up right when I did, and I sang terribly for the audition (Britney's always been a little low for me). But when the crowd cheered for me, they erupted! I was seriously hit by a wall of screaming and clapping. It was the craziest sensation I've ever had. And thus I became Britney Spears for the show.

The girl who was Madonna actually offered to switch me, but I decided to stick with Britney because I knew the song better (Baby One More Time) and because for some reason, it just felt right.

The night of the performance came and I didn't feel nervous. For once I just felt...I practiced, I'll do my best, I'll let go and have fun and who cares what the outcome is. My friends did my make up (which I hadn't worn at all in months) and I looked fantastic.

I sang terribly. My dance moves were probably hilarious (I haven't watched the DVD yet). But the crowd of 900 that was watching me cheered. I entertained them. My off-pitch singing and my naive, curvy white girl moves were entertaining.

Afterwards, I felt great. Even though I knew I'd not sung to the best of my ability. I went out in front of a larger crowd than I ever had, I had fun, and I entertained. I was Britney Spears.

 (Sorry, I cannot get the pic to upload vertically). I loved the way I looked and felt so much, that right then and there I made some changes in my attitude.

1. It's ok to get made up and pamper myself, even if it costs a lot sometimes. Because I deserve to feel like I look amazing, and that will reflect in my mood and attitude and how I interact with others. So it's worth the extra money and time sometimes.

2. I don't have to perform perfectly in everything I do. It's ok to be human and to be less than the best, as long as you are your best. So just live and have fun. You don't have to be perfect at living. You just have to actually live. So you let go of control, and you dive head first into whatever you want, even if you have no idea how long it will last. Because if it makes you happy, helps you grow and learn, or changes you for the better, it's worth it, even if it's fleeting.

So, I came home and colored my hair a darker blonde and got bangs cut in. Because I needed to feel different and special, and also needed a physical reminder of what I've learned from Britney Spears.

Also, I listened to 3 country songs today, all the way through. Because I decided that part of jumping in and appreciating growth and change in myself should involve branching out and exploring uncharted territory. Am I a country fan? Not yet, but I think I might find some virtue in it. :)

The Bay Area is my Most Favorite Place in the United States!!

I just spent the last weekend in the San Fransisco Bay Area because my parents were awesome and gave me the happiest graduation present possible (maybe besides a trip to Germany, but San Fransisco is literally only an inch below Germany on the Most Amazing Places on Earth Scale).

My old roommate, Jessica Kenney (now Knudsen), got married in the Oakland temple on Saturday (July 31), so I flew out on the 29th and stayed with her and helped her set things up for the wedding the day before. The fabulous thing about this wedding is that Jessica and her mom handmade everything. All the decorations and the food for both the reception and the luncheon. It was amazazing.

Jessica hand made all the boxes (that look like cake slices) to fill with candy as the favors.

This is how the backyard was decorated. They bought the chair covers and ribbons and tablecloths, but hand steamed and ironed all of them. It paid off, it was beautiful!


The best part about the wedding was that out of the 7 of us who lived in that apartment with Jessica, only one was missing!! And the great thing about that is that this set of roommates was BY FAR the best set of roommates, the closest friend, and the most amazing women I had the privilege of living with. Sorry everyone else I've roommed with. I don't even know how to express how amazing this apartment was besides to say that we'd come home from classes, around 1-3 pm, and once everyone was home, we'd all sit in the living room attempting to do homework, but we'd end up talking until 2-4 am every single night. We went out to Craigo's (pizza) or steak about once a month, and had margarita nights about once a week, sometimes more. Anything we did, we did it all together. We were inseparable. Seriously. Best friends of my life.

From left to right in this picture: Emily Haycock Gatewood, Sandy Depew, Jessica Kenney Knudsen, Diana Hawkes Toronto, Tina Erndt Braegger, and me. Missing: Tara Cottle Martin

This is all of us plus Emileigh Norling, who is like an honorary roommate because she grew up with Diana, Tina, and Jessica in the Bay Area. Also plus Emily and Tina's babies, Hannah and Olivia, respectively.

So now 5/7 of us from that apartment are married. I'm the only one not yet endowed, as Sandy served a mission. The best part about all of this, is that all of us are still righteous, as we were together someone was bearing testimony of something about every five minutes. Alma 17:2 describes perfectly how I felt. It is SOO wonderful to have this sisterhood with people and to feel and know the support will always be there because your sisters are steadfast in the Gospel.

Now for some pictures of the wedding and the couple:

The Oakland temple is one of the most majestic I think. I almost wanted to make sure I marry someone from that area so I have a good excuse to get married there, but I think I'll stick with the Timpanogos temple.

So after the wedding was over, I stayed with Sandy at Diana's house and we went to church there (in the Los Altos ward) and on Monday we went with Diana's mom and sister, Melanie, to Chinatown. It was a blast! Who knew Chinatown would be so amazing? Sorry I didn't feel like verticalizing the picture, but you get the idea. This is the gate to Chinatown.

Sandy had a very old Chinese man try to kiss her at the fortune cookie factory. It was hilarious. :)

On Tuesday I spent the day with my Uncle Robert and his wife, Shon. We went to the Golden Gate Park where we visited the Japanese Tea Garden and the California Academy of Sciences Museum where they had a rainforest, aquarium, and an "extreme mammals" exhibit. We also went to the Golden Gate Bridge and Ghirardelli Square. Perhaps best of all, we met up with my favorite Clay Brown and ate at this hole-in-the-wall French/Southern place called Brenda's (on the corner of Eddy and Polk if you want to know) where "oral climax" (Clay's words, not mine) is achievable. It was pretty amazing, let's be honest.

Robert and Shon in the Japanese garden...again, too lazy to fix the picture.

View of the city from the Golden Gate Bridge.

Clay and I outside of Brenda's

To sum up, I LOVE San Fransisco because it is SO much like a European city, particularly a German one because of the weather. I'm seriously considering moving there. I love everything about it; there are nice suburbs as well as exciting city life, but it's not crazy or scary city life. I love it so much my heart is pretty much still bursting from being there for five days. :) :) :)

It's Been a While...

So I haven't posted in almost two months. This is because I have been crazy busy with school, I suppose. Even though I am taking three classes that don't really count for anything, two of which never have homework, I still am ridiculously busy. I am in class/at work from 9-5 every day, and then I go home and do homework from about 5:30-1 a.m. with a few breaks, usually do to my calling and eat. Awesome.

However, I do have pretty awesome roommates and phenomenal FHE brothers. Something about that apartment (I had other awesome FHE bros that lived in the same apartment) guarantees amazingness I think.

So my roommates and brothers like to do a lot of bonfires, play Rock Band, family dinner on Sundays, and "homework parties." It's very fun, casual, and a great way to take up my time when I can't stand doing homework any longer.

Other than that...I went to a concert by the Young Ambassadors from BYU a few weeks ago and it was pretty awesome. I went to a lot of show choir shows in high school and pretty much expected the same, but this was actually much better. Not only were the singers way more accomplished, of course, but the dance numbers were, for the most part, way less cheesy, which made the show entirely more enjoyable.

Also, I took a random road trip to San Francisco over May 1, because one of my friends was getting married in Oakland. I went with my roommate Kristen, and I was able to meet up with some long lost friends so it was pretty much the best weekend of my college career. I'll throw down some pictures:

The most adorable couple! Daniel and Elizabeth Perry

Kristen's friend Michelle, Kristen and I at the Oakland Temple

At Pier 39, Kristen, Me, Michelle, and Cory (old FHE bro; sorry it's sideways: I didn't feel like fixing it)

My most favorite friend ever, "Clay" Brown and I in front of the Bay Bridge