My Rights as a Woman

A little while ago I saw a TED talk about women in the workplace. The woman giving the talk shared a bunch of facts. I can't remember the exact numbers, but it was something like 15% of all executive level jobs are held by women. Which is not enough.


When I heard the fact, before she went on a tirade about how we need more women in the workplace, I thought "hey, that's actually not too bad." But then I was corrected by the speech-giver.

I absolutely support the movement to give women equal opportunity to be leaders and executives and everything else. But I absolutely feel no need for everything to be split 50/50 with men and women.

Because I don't want to be an executive. I don't even want to stay in the workplace for longer than I have to.

Some people might pinpoint this to the way I was brought up, with a stay-at-home mom. But I don't. I went through a phase from about 15-20 years old where I had no desire whatsoever to be a stay-at-home mom. I wanted to get married and have kids still, on some days, but I also wanted to have power. I wanted to rule some sector of the world. I wanted to make a difference somehow, somewhere.

What happened to that? you might be asking.

Honestly, I dated a guy who changed my mind.

Feminists are slamming on their brakes everywhere.

But let me point out that he didn't change my mind because he thought it was wrong of me to go into the workplace. He fully supported me doing whatever I wanted with my life. But it's because he was the perfect father, or at least my vision of what the perfect father for my kids would be like. And although we only dated for a summer, and I have moved on from him, I haven't moved on from the ideal that he gave me - the way he made me feel about my role in the world - and that was feminine. He made me feel feminine.

Shortly after that, I worked as a nanny. To be honest, I was probably not the first person that should've become a nanny. Like I said, I'd just spent several years with the idea that staying at home with kids was not for me. But as I spent time with these two sweet boys and watched them learn and grow, I could not picture a happier, more meaningful path in life for myself. This was the sector of the world in which I could see myself making a difference - with children and teenagers - with my family.

After that, I've never looked back. And I very much look forward to the day when I go into labor for the first time and never (hopefully) have to work full time again.

Is it wrong for me to want this? Is it a bad thing that I want to raise children and clean my house every day and that I expect to find a husband who will be the main provider (although I have no problem with finding a source of supplementary income which I can provide as well)? Absolutely not. That's what I want, and I'm a human being who deserves to have my own desires which are separate from what society says and thinks.

So, do we need more than 15% of executive jobs to be held by women? Sure, if more than the 15% want to hold the jobs, they should be able to. And if social structure is stopping them, we should fix that.

But for all the women who don't want to hold an executive job, whether they are happy with a lower level job, or go into another career field such as nursing, teaching, dog-grooming, farming, dancing, retail, or fast food, or who want to be a stay-at-home mom, let them be. What we need in society is not 50% of executive jobs to be filled by women. We need a clear path for all women to be what they want to be. Women should do what makes them feel fulfilled and feminine. Which for me is not working in some high-level office job. In fact, I find office jobs to be quite bad for my writing, not just my femininity.

Basically, I feel that my personal talents and strengths are better focused and realized in a home. I can organize and clean like nobody's business. I love running errands and driving around to several destinations per day - really, I do. I love laundry. I love cooking big meals. I love giving kids something creative to do, and watching them explore. I love watching kids learn new things and I watch all my friends' videos they post of their kids learning to roll over or count or whatever. And I LOVE teenagers with all my heart. So being a stay-at-home mom has pretty much become my personal dream job. And no one's going to tell me that's not okay.

Also, if everyone is going to fight so hard for women to get equal rights in the workplace so they can fulfill their dreams, why don't they fight so hard for me to fulfill my dreams by finding me a ginger husband with a kilt? Is that so much harder than 100 years of fighting for women's rights?

Dreams Coming True

When I was a teenager, I belonged to this lovely organization in my church called Young Women.

I loved Young Women. I thrived on it. It was my favorite part of the week. Whenever my leaders asked me to go home and think about something or read something, I actually did. And right away. Whenever they gave me a little bookmark or whatnot with something inspiring on it, I hung it on my wall. By the time I graduated from high school, I had an entire wall, at least eleven feet long, covered from ceiling to baseboards with these little handouts. I was a Young Women NERD.

And in that moment, I desired to lead a group of Young Women myself some day in the future.

Today is that day.

And while I feel that I am still a teenager most of the time, I am thrilled about this opportunity. I don't think I'm the best leader out there, but I know I'm going to try as hard as I can, and that I'm going to love it, a lot.

I feel very lucky to have had the amazing influences of older women in my life through this program. Each of the leaders I had made a huge impact on me, and I still make decisions based on the examples they gave me, and I still want to make them proud. It was like having six more moms in addition to my own.

Not everyone gets so lucky in their delicate teenage years, even those who have Young Women in their life. I am sincerely grateful for the blessing that experience was for me.

I think the best thing that Young Women taught me was this: I am worth something, and that worth was given to me by God and no one and nothing can ever take it away. If I could teach that to one girl, I would feel like I succeeded for the rest of my life.

Women change the world. I'm grateful that I belong to a religion which believes that so fiercely they teach it to girls of every age.

#ldsconf

Okay...I haven't posted on this blog in four months. :/

But I wanted to write a quick note before the feelings fade from General Conference.

There is nothing happier than the feeling that you have a huge family, spread out all over the world, some of whom you've never even met, who give love and support, who believe the same things you do, and who believe in you and you believe in them. Welcome to the Mormon family.

I love having leaders from all kinds of backgrounds from all over the world. I love that we come together twice every year to be taught by them. I love that no matter where I am, I can receive these messages.

I love that I can be reminded as often as I need that God loves me and has a plan just for me.

I love that I can walk with my head high and my heart with wings every single day of my life because I know that no matter what happens to me, no matter what anyone else thinks or does, no matter what crisis the world goes through, I can turn to God and figure out the best thing to do, or receive protection.

God lives. He loves each of us. He wants to be close to us.

And I love being close to him.

Draper YSA

Before I head out on my next adventure, I want/need to express some gratitude, humility, and excitement about where I've been for the past 20 months. I moved from my parents' house in Murray to a nice apartment in Draper, and there my life changed forever!

When I walked into the leasing office to look at the apartments, I knew absolutely that I needed to live there. I was ready to sign the lease without even looking at the apartments, and I knew I would make an effort to live there no matter what roommate situation I had to put up with.

Well, the first roommate I had was a disaster. But that enabled - encouraged - me to reach out to people in a way that I normally wouldn't. Which turned out to be...the best.

First I met this girl who loves and accepts without bounds...I seriously am blown away by how much she is willing to give others, and how unceasingly kind she is. Her friendship was the first life-preserver I caught in this new place.

Then I met another girl that knows how to live life to the ultimate capacity - every experience is exciting and precious and worth living! She taught me to really let go and relax (being a massage therapist helps). And to make my life epic!

And then there were two brothers that completed the outfit. They brought rationality, calmness, and intellectualism into the group. What they brought specifically to my life was a better understanding of understanding, including a widened perspective on forgiveness and acceptance. They helped me learn how to implement the positive changes I wanted to make in my life.

I got to know a lot of other people in Draper, but there are a couple of other girls that deserve a specific mention. This girl, who treats everyone equally, no matter what, which is something I admire extremely:

And this girl, who is like mango salsa: sweet and spicy at the same time. She brightens my day and is just plain awesome!:

Now for one of the most important people to mention is my bishop. He said some very profound things to me in our various meetings:

• You don't have to prove anything to anyone. You are already amazing because you are a daughter of God.
• You are beautiful and doing good things (I need to hear that often).
• Do the right thing and the rest will be taken care of. He quoted this scripture to me more than once:  

25 ^aTherefore I say unto you, Take no ^bthought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
 26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

 27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

 28 And why take ye thought for raiment? ^aConsider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:

 29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

 30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, ^ashall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little ^bfaith?

 31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

 32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father ^aknoweth that ye have need of all these things.

 33 ^aBut ^bseek ye first the ^ckingdom of God, and his ^drighteousness; and all these ^ethings shall be ^fadded unto you.

 34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take ^athought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. (Matthew 6:25-34)

So in conclusion, in case you didn't get what I was trying to say in this post, what I learned from living in Draper was to love more and worry less. To give without holding back, and without expecting in return. To forget when you forgive. So many things that sound easy but aren't. Living in Draper was an absolute necessity to make me into the person I really want to be. I will cherish the time I spent there and the people I met there by living better because of them.

Why Glee Has Changed My Life

In light of the death of the actor of one of my most favorite characters on Glee, Cory Monteith, I've decided to finally write the blog that ennumerates why I love Glee, and why I think I needed it in my life. For those of you who are haters, please stop reading now, and I don't want to hear your opinion. Thank you!

1. Glee taught me to stand up for myself. Not in a beat up everyone, bitterly condescending, backstabbing way. In a way that says, "This is who I am. It's not perfect, but I'm doing my best. If you can't appreciate that, then I don't need your negative influence in my life." There are many times on the show that a character feels like they are being oppressed of under-appreciated, but particularly I want to mention Brittany. She is totally overlooked a lot of the time, but she just keeps going, keeps being herself, and doesn't let what other people say or think about her keep her down, and I think that is awesome, and something that I and many people in the world should learn from.       
2. Glee showed me how to forgive and move on. I know it sounds ridiculous, but because of all the drama in the show, people dating people, then cheating on them, or leaving them for someone else, or spreading rumors, or bullying, or shaming, or a great number of horrid things to each other, the characters always manage to sing it out and be ok with each other. When I first started watching the show, I thought, how on earth can he dump that girl and be with another girl right in front of her face and she doesn't try to strangle him? But then I really began to think about it, and decided that my feelings of hurt and revenge were probably pretty extreme, and it took another extreme (because I still don't believe that people could completely forgive each other in such short amounts of time, but they can start the healing immediately) to counterbalance my mentality and bring me into the middle. Forgiveness is essential to human happiness, and we should be forgiving everyone regardless of how they've hurt us. Which leads me to my next point:
3. Glee showed me that everyone has value. It doesn't matter how different you are from someone, or what they've done/been through, or where they are from, or how intelligent or talented they are, every person on this planet has value and something to offer the world. We must remember that and treat everyone in a way that shows we understand they have value including ourselves. You, and everyone around you, has something inside of you that can change the world, so believe in yourself, believe in others, and share your light (talent, love, etc.) with everyone. The characters in Glee are always getting picked on, made fun of, etc., but they come to glee club and know that everyone there is their family, they are safe, and are appreciated. I want to create that kind of environment for anyone that I come in contact with.
4. Glee taught me that love is selfless. This lesson came primarily from Finn (Cory's character). Now, I've been taught this my whole life, but it is another thing to see it played out before you (even if it is a written script and acting). Two occasions I'd like to point out. First, at a high time of bullying for Kurt Hummel, Finn's future step-brother, Finn dresses up like a lobster (Lady Gaga style) and stands up to the football team (of which he is a part) that is harassing Kurt. Finn at that point makes a choice that he loves his friend/step-brother more than he loves his reputation or his team or other friends, and never backs down from that. He never turns his back on Kurt again.  Next, Finn takes his fiancee Rachel to the train station instead of the courthouse on the day they are supposed to get married so she can pursue her dreams of school in New York and Broadway. Enough said there, I will let this video say the rest:

Now for less serious things that Glee gave me.

• The desire to start taking voice lessons again (although that was pretty life-changing)
• A way to get certain friends to listen to amazing classic rock songs!!
• Another wonderful fandom (as if I need more)

That's all. Glee is awesome. I am devastated that my favorite character (and ideal for my future husband, let's be honest) can no longer be a part of the show, but I am grateful for what he gave the world while he was alive. Thanks, Cory.

What I Learned from Britney Spears

So I went on a cruise to Mexico over this past week. I'm not going to blog about it. Sorry.

But I am going to blog about one experience that I had on the cruise, the highlight of the cruise (or at least the parts where we were on the ship) for me. A truly life-changing experience.

They had a show called Carnival Legends where any old person on the cruise could audition by going to karaoke and singing a song by one of the legendary artists they were going to present at the show. I thought there was no harm in trying out. At the very least it'd give me some experience and feedback for my voice lessons.

So I went, and I signed up to try out for Madonna and Aretha Franklin. Unfortunately there were some women (who were awesome) that pleased the crowd a little better than I did. But then the DJ announced that no one had signed up to audition for Britney Spears. So I thought, why not. Another girl signed up right when I did, and I sang terribly for the audition (Britney's always been a little low for me). But when the crowd cheered for me, they erupted! I was seriously hit by a wall of screaming and clapping. It was the craziest sensation I've ever had. And thus I became Britney Spears for the show.

The girl who was Madonna actually offered to switch me, but I decided to stick with Britney because I knew the song better (Baby One More Time) and because for some reason, it just felt right.

The night of the performance came and I didn't feel nervous. For once I just felt...I practiced, I'll do my best, I'll let go and have fun and who cares what the outcome is. My friends did my make up (which I hadn't worn at all in months) and I looked fantastic.

I sang terribly. My dance moves were probably hilarious (I haven't watched the DVD yet). But the crowd of 900 that was watching me cheered. I entertained them. My off-pitch singing and my naive, curvy white girl moves were entertaining.

Afterwards, I felt great. Even though I knew I'd not sung to the best of my ability. I went out in front of a larger crowd than I ever had, I had fun, and I entertained. I was Britney Spears.

 (Sorry, I cannot get the pic to upload vertically). I loved the way I looked and felt so much, that right then and there I made some changes in my attitude.

1. It's ok to get made up and pamper myself, even if it costs a lot sometimes. Because I deserve to feel like I look amazing, and that will reflect in my mood and attitude and how I interact with others. So it's worth the extra money and time sometimes.

2. I don't have to perform perfectly in everything I do. It's ok to be human and to be less than the best, as long as you are your best. So just live and have fun. You don't have to be perfect at living. You just have to actually live. So you let go of control, and you dive head first into whatever you want, even if you have no idea how long it will last. Because if it makes you happy, helps you grow and learn, or changes you for the better, it's worth it, even if it's fleeting.

So, I came home and colored my hair a darker blonde and got bangs cut in. Because I needed to feel different and special, and also needed a physical reminder of what I've learned from Britney Spears.

Also, I listened to 3 country songs today, all the way through. Because I decided that part of jumping in and appreciating growth and change in myself should involve branching out and exploring uncharted territory. Am I a country fan? Not yet, but I think I might find some virtue in it. :)

He is Risen, He is Risen!

Tell it out with joyful voice!

Today in Relief Society we listened to the talk "None were with Him" by Jeffrey R. Holland (I think it's from April 2009's conference). I remember pretty vividly this talk changing my perspective on a lot the first time I heard it, and it did the same this time.

This Mormon Message is based on the talk and is awesome. :)

So when we were discussing the talk in Relief Society there were two things that really stuck out to me.

1. Elder Holland quotes Isaiah 63:5:

 5 And I looked, and there was none to help; and I wondered that there was none to uphold: therefore mine own arm brought ^asalvation unto me; and my fury, it upheld me.

 What stuck out to me is that Christ wondered that there was none to uphold him. If Christ needs friends and people to support Him, then who am I to say that I can make it through anything without anyone's help? I tend to do that a lot...shut up in myself when something happens that I struggle to deal with, and even though often I want to talk to someone about it, I convince myself not to because somehow it will end up getting worse if I tell anyone. A ridiculous, paranoid mindset maybe, but sometimes a reality to me nonetheless. But if Christ recognized a need for friends and family supporting Him, then I definitely need to be more open to that because I am nowhere near perfect, and He is.

2. I was bothered for pretty much my entire life, until I heard this talk, about the time when Jesus is on the cross and cries out that God has forsaken Him. God is perfect with a perfect love, I always thought, why would He abandon His Son? It always frustrated me so much I couldn't think about it for too long. But Elder Holland explains that in order for Christ to complete the Atonement and feel every sorrow that we would ever feel, He needed to know what it was like to spiritually die; to be cut off from God. So it's not that God forsook His Son. God was always there, loving His Son and reaching out, just as He always is with us. But the Spirit had to withdraw from Christ in order for Him to know what it feels like to sin. And that feeling is the feeling you get when deep inside you, somethig aches, something is screaming in anguish because it is so very, very alone.

I've had that feeling a few times in my life, and as I've gotten a little wiser, whenever that feeling comes I know I need to turn immediately to Heavenly Father, but I want to have something to offer Him when I come. So I always try to search my mind for something I need to repent of (not too hard). Then I pray, and apologize for my sins, and sometimes need to apologize to other people as well, or else rectify something in some way, but as soon as I start that process, the alone feeling vanishes and is immediately replaced with a rush of comfort and love, often unto a bursting feeling.

Today I wore a ring with a big cross on it to church, just because I like to conduct sociological experiments like that and see what people will say (no one said anything). But the cross took on a new meaning today as we discussed the Atonement in all three meetings of church. Christ was utterly alone on the cross, and this He did so that I never ever have to be alone. This is the absolute greatest gift I have received from Him.

Elder Holland finished his talk with this quote, which I want to reiterate for myself and for everyone who believes in Jesus Christ:

This Easter week and always, may we stand but Jesus Christ "at all times and in all things, and in all places that [we] may be in, even until death," for surely that is how He stood by us when it  was unto death and when He had to stand entirely and utterly alone.

 Christ has given me everything, and I don't want Him to ever be alone because He has never left me alone. I know that He loves me and died for me, and that has made all the difference.

Heroes: Ann and Nancy Wilson

So, a few weeks ago, Jill and I went to see Heart and Def Leppard in concert. It was the third Def Leppard concert we've seen together. But it was Heart that I was really going for. Heart is definitely one of my top three bands of all time (with Muse and Foreigner). And I always worry that I won't get a chance to see my favorite classic rock bands in concert before it's too late, so I always grab the chance.

I've seen a lot of concerts, but something about this one was different. I know a bit about the story of Ann and Nancy Wilson, and I'd been looking forward to seeing them in concert, interacting with each other, observing the sisterly bond. It was there: they complimented each other and talked of the support and talent they'd provided for each other over the years. I found that quite remarkable.

But the thing that really got to me was the courage of their concert. As a concert goes, the lighting was very simple, wardrobe simple, effects practically non-existant. But the energy flow from Ann and Nancy, and their performance - unmatchable. Nancy, a 57-year-old woman, was jumping around on stage during her guitar solos - she did a toe touch in the middle of the intro to "Crazy on You." And Ann...was unbelievable.

Usually in concerts, the songs are a little different from the recordings. Notes held a little longer, a few extra runs thrown in, whatever. But Ann was totally unafraid to mix up the tempo and sing whatever in the world came to her head, and pulled it off completely brilliantly. I wish I had a recording to share. But for example, after the second chorus in "Crazy on You," she slowed down so much, people thought the song was over (I knew better because I'd been waiting for my favorite line which hadn't come yet!). And I already knew she knows how to bust it out...but live, it was mind-blowing busting. She just sang...as though to stop singing meant to die. I felt like her heart, the spirit and the emotions, was tangible through the sound of her voice. I know it absolutely doesn't make sense, but I'm still blown away.

Knowing Ann's history, I thought about the things she must've gone through mentally to become what she is. To be able to stand on that stage and blast the ears and minds of thousands of people...you must have a ton of confidence, or a ton of gumption (probably both).

So I realized something, between "Crazy on You" and "Barracuda" somewhere. What's the point in holding back? Sing, whatever you want, as loud as you can. Do it differently than what people expect. Do it the way it makes you happy. You'll discover your boundaries and limits, and you'll become stronger within them, and gain the ability to stretch them. And no one in the world can rightly scoff at you for passionately pursuing something you legitimately love. It will be hard work, and you'll have to keep trying and keep getting up every day, but when you right the right note with the right power, the whole world will stop and notice. So just keep singing until you get there.

 

Thank you, Ann Wilson (and Nancy cause that toe touch was awesome!).