Little Rant

So life moves people in all kinds of directions. Sometimes you are on the same (or a very close) path with someone for a long time but suddenly life twists and you clash, break each other into little pieces, and ricochete backwards in infinite directions with immense force. And sometimes when that happens you leave a lot of pieces there at the collision site and you can't go back and pick them up, you can't put it back together, but it's fine, cause who needs those pieces anyway?

This is what happened to me in the past 6 weeks with someone, and now I feel like I'm falling under the condemnation from all our mutual friends for not trying to fix it.

Whenever I've had friends who've had falling outs, I have done everything I can to remain friends with both parties. Usually there is one who tells me more about the situation than the other, but I don't go around picking sides and holding grudges about situations that I am not a part of. So I end up having a ton of friends who are enemies with each other, and I'm fine with that.

So what I'm saying is that I don't understand why everyone thinks we should pretend that nothing happened between us and be BFF again. Forgiveness, yes, but I can honestly say I don't hate this person for what happened between us. I'm fine with seeing him and being around him, and I have done both of those things without a problem since the collision. We've even made light one-on-one conversation. But it seems to me that there is a point when you don't have to go back to the way things were.

We are supposed to forgive 70x7 but forgiveness doesn't mean put all the pieces back exactly where they were. If that were true, then women in abusive relationships should never leave their partners. Parents who have a child murdered would get their child back at the hands of the murderer. And no one would get punished for their crimes.

So no, I'm not going back into a friendship that was hollow and powered by my effort alone. I don't deserve that. Yes, it probably does ruin the entire dynamics of a circle of friends, but I was hoping that I was close enough friends with the rest of the group that we could maintain perhaps an elliptical dynamic at the least. If that is not possible, then I guess I lost an entire group of friends, but not suffering the injustices that I endured is worth it to me. C'est la vie.

Fortunately, I know the perfect song for this entire experience:
Schism by Tool
I know the pieces fit
'Cause I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smouldering
Fundamental differing
Pure intention juxtaposed
Will set two lovers' souls in motion
Disintegrating as it goes
Testing our communication
The light that fueled our fire then
Has a burned a hole between us so
We cannot see to reach an end
Crippling our communication

I know the pieces fit
'Cause I watched them tumble down
No fault, none to blame
It doesn't mean I don't desire to
Point the finger, blame the other
Watch the temple topple over
To bring the pieces back together
Rediscover communication

The poetry
That comes from the squaring off between
And the circling is worth it
Finding beauty in the dissonance

There was a time that the pieces fit
But I watched them fall away
Mildewed and smouldering
Strangled by our coveting
I've done the math enough to know
The dangers of our second guessing
Doomed to crumble unless we grow
And strengthen our communication

Cold silence has
A tendency to
Atrophy any
Sense of compassion
Between supposed brothers
Between supposed lovers

I know the pieces fit