Final Analysis of the Twilight Saga

So over the past few months, my sister Jill and my dear friend Jill have both been...pressuring...me to watch the Twilight movies. Watch, because they knew reading was beyond the powers of their persuasion. And out of a great act of love, I did. Here's my synopsis:

1. Twilight: Hilariously disgusting.
2. New Moon: Horrific.
3. Eclipse: Hilariously disturbing.
4. Breaking Dawn #1: Unnerving, and yet...decent.
5. Breaking Dawn #2:  Continuously decent, and then hilariously violent.

Now, I could probably write a huge essay detailing why I feel this way. But I will try to be precise. For more details on my views on the despicable morality of Twilight, see here. But for my more optimistic views now that I've seen the whole story, stay right where you're at.

1. Bella and Edward's relationship.

I still think that Edward is just a prettier version of Anakin Skywalker. Super obsessive and creepy. Yeah, I'll be honest. I found that kind of ardent attention attractive (in Anakin), until I dated a guy who gave me that kind of attention. Ladies: it is not exciting or flattering or endearing after about...two days. It is a burden; it causes fear and anxiety in your life. Some women are willing to continue putting up with it. It took Padme's life to do so. I almost did it, too, and thank goodness that path of my life was intervened.

BUT: Once they get married, their relationship changes. Actually, I should say, once they find out Bella's pregnant (don't get me started on the holes in the logic here, such as a 100-year-old vampire having semen) their relationship changes. According to Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, the "falling in love" sensation lasts about two years. After that, love requires commitment and choice and dedication and all those things that everyone warns you about. Bella and Edward's two years were long up by they time they get married. But the dedication they showed to each other in the face of this huge trial was surprising to me. And then after the "baby" was born, the continued dedication they showed to each other and their daughter was impressive. Yes, impressive. I was impressed. So that was pretty much the most redeeming aspect of the entire series. Bella and Edward were pretty good parents and the message about family unity was undeniably timely.

2. Bella and Jacob's relationship.

Let me put this out there: WHY on earth would you date/marry a creepy-face killer when you could marry an immensely attractive wolf man who completely accepts you for who you are, understands your feelings and your viewpoint, and keeps you warm at night? Done and done.

Clearly if I were on a team, it would be Team Jacob. Yeah, it's not as magnetic or electric or whatever as Bella and Edward's "Chemistry." Well, let me tell you something about chemistry. All reactions reach a point where are the molecules have spent their energy and there is nothing left to react. What lasts forever? True friendship. This is what healthy relationships are based on.

The whole imprint thing still sicks me out.

3. Overall plot arc.

I always thought the idea of a teenager falling in love with a vampire was intriguing. Ever since I read the first book, anyway. Great premise for a story. A government for vampires (thereby establishing a history and depth to their reality)? Brilliant. Arch-enemies in werewolves? Not too creative, but overcoming that for love...that has potential. All of these were poorly executed. But good ideas. Good enough ideas that they do in fact contribute to my resevoir of writing inspiration. The story contributes. Not the writing. And especially not the "no killing my main characters" stuff, and not because of a strong non-violence standpoint like Aang has (The Last Airbender). Am I happy that Fred Weasley died? Heck to the no!! It still hurts my heart to think about it. But am I glad Rowling did it? Yes. It increases my respect for her as a writer, and also in a battle of good vs evil, there has to be casualties, and just because someone loves you, doesn't mean you're safe. However, Twilight was not a story of good vs evil. It wasn't even a story of moral growth or strength. That's probably why the parenthood was my favorite part of the whole thing: because it revealed the most moral character in Bella and Edward (and the whole Cullen family, as well as Jacob). This is a story without archetypes or symbolism. It's sole purpose was to explore the aspects of love, and it doesn't even start on real love until after they get married.

4. Femininity:

I was for a long while appalled at Bella's perturbing setbacks in portraying independent female protagonists (by independent I mean thinking for themselves, making hard choices because it's what's best and not necessarily what they want, having grown-up emotions). But she almost entirely redeemed that with her motherhood. Because motherhood is the pinnacle of femininity.


So there you have it. Now I've seen the whole thing. I didn't hate every minute of it (although there were moments in every movie when I found myself asking "why isn't this over yet?" and I laughed out loud at inappropriate parts of each movie). I found some shiny (or glittering?) beacons of hope in it. But I don't feel the need to ever watch it again. Maybe if I was on lortab. ;)

Quotables 3

• I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow. - Woodrow Wilson
• He that always gives way to others will end up having no principles of his own. - Aesop
• The sweat of hard work is not to be displayed. It is much more graceful to appear favored by the gods. - Maxine Hong Kingston
• Love and kindness are never wasted. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver. - Barbara DeAngelis
• It's a funny thing about life. If you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it. - Somerset Maugham
• Practice doesn't make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect. - Vince Lombardi
• The minute you start talking about what you're going to do if you lose, you have lost. - George Schultz
• Truth is the only safe ground to stand on. - Elizabeth Cady Stanton
• We must use time wisely and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right. - Nelson Mandela
• I still have my feet on the ground, I just wear better shoes. - Oprah Winfrey
• There are no days in life so memorable as those which vibrated to some stroke of the imagination. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• More grows in the garden than the gardener knows he has sown. - Spanish proverb
• Better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese proverb
• Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm. - Winston Churchill
• The world is a pretty good sort of a world, and it is our duty to make the best of it, and be thankful. - Benjamin Franklin
• We cannot control the evil tongues of others, but a good life enables us to disregard them. - Cato the Elder
• Derive happiness in oneself from a good day's work, from illuminating the fog that surrounds us. - Henry Matisse
• Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose. - Bill Gates
• You have to trust yourself, be what you are, and do what you ought to do the way you should do it. - Barbra Steisand
• If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. - Mother Teresa
• Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart, don't nkow how to laugh either. - Golda Meir
• All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion, and desire. - Aristotle
• I do not think much of a man who does not know more today than he did yesterday. - Abraham Lincoln
• At the center of your being you have the answer. You know who you are and you know what you want. - Lao-Tzu
• The weak can nnever forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. - Mahatma Gandhi
• It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. - William Blake
• When a decision has to be made, make it. There is no totally right time for anything. - General George Patton
• Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. - Oscar Wilde
• When you relinquish the desire to control your future, you can have more happiness. - Nicole Kidman
• The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity if every difficulty. - Winston Churchill
• What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness? - Jean Jacques Rousseau
• The little unremembered acts of kindness and love are the best parts of a person's life. - William Wordsworth
• I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. - Thomas Edison
• The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. - Moliere
• It is more rewarding to watch money change the world than watch it accumulate. - Gloria Steinem
• The difficult I can do today. The impossible will take a little longer. - Billie Holiday
• Victory belongs to the most presevering. - Napoleon Bonaparte
• Life is like playing a violin in public and learnning the instrument as one goes on. - Samuel Butler
• If A is a success in life, then A equals X+Y+Z. Work is X Y is play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut. - Albert Einstein
• It doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself. - Lucille Ball
• While we are postponing, life speeds by. - Seneca
• How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct. - Bejamin Disraeli
• To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• Let us not look back in anger, of forward with fear, but around in awareness. - James Thurber
• Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein
• When it's all over, it's not who you were, it's whether or not you made a difference. - Bob Dole
• People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built. - Eleanor Roosevelt
• I don't care what anybody says about me as long as it isn't true. - Dorothy Parker
• Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress. - Gandhi
• If you can't sleep, get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. The worry gets you, not the loss of sleep. - Dale Carnegie
• When you get to the end of your rope, with a know and hang on. - Franklin D. Roosevelt
• Imagination is the highest kite one can fly. - Lauren Bacall
• The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes. - Frank Lloyd Wright
• It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness. - Seneca
• Gratitude is the sign of noble souls. - Aesop
• Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with. - Mark Twain
• It's better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe. Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life. - Sophia Loren

My Soul Purpose

This post is inspired by Glee and The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and of course LDS general conference.

I saw The Perks of Being a Wallflower yesterday, and I found it to be a very touching movie. I wouldn't recommend if for everyone, but if you're like me and you enjoy stories where people face (and sometimes conquer, but sometimes don't conquer) the harsh realities of life, especially growing up, I would highly recommend it.

It touched me for a lot of reasons, but mostly because I related so strongly to the main character. Fortunately, I wasn't abused as a kid; I grew up in a very stable, loving home and my parents still love and support me, all my sisters, and each other. I consider myself extremely lucky for that. Nor did my friends in high school drug me for entertainment (although some of them wanted to). But Charlie said a line in there that struck me like playing the harp with my veins. It was something like: Do you ever feel like if you really shared what was in your head, everyone around you would think you're crazy?

Like I said, I lived a normal, happy childhood (well, considering I wasn't really a normal kid), but once I became a teenager, I started experiencing things that were hard, and dark. Maybe my friends haven't shared everything with me, but in comparing experiences back then, and with friends I have now, of middle school and high school, I kinda think a lot of the things I experienced were outside of the normal range of growing up, finding yourself, dealing-with-hormones-and-feelings-you've-never-had-before experiences.

When I was in high school, I was obsessed with someone, just one person, understanding me and where I was coming from. So much so that I poured my heart out to so many people, most of whom didn't really care or honestly couldn't relate. I don't blame any of them, and quite honestly, wouldn't be surprised if everyone who went to high school with me thinks I'm completely crazy, including the ones I'm still in contact with (and thank you, for sticking around). When I finally realized that I was making things worse for myself, I stopped sharing so much, and started feeling like a normal person.

But Kelly Clarkson's song "Dark Side" put a bolt through my heart. I know, and have known, everyone has a dark side. Still I've refused to believe that anyone's is like mine. Some are certainly worse. Some are comparatively trivial. But the song opened up to me the possibility of finally letting someone back in.

Glee has often struck chords within me, addressing the challenges teenagers face in so many decisions that they are not well-equipped to make, and reminding me of the decisions I've made, and also giving me a little motivation to follow my dreams (yeah, it's cheesy, but everything about Glee is, so deal with it). In the episode I caught up on tonight, Rachel gives this speech to Finn about how he was her first love. And once again, the chords in my heart sang. My first love, he did all those things for me that Rachel said Finn did for her: made her feel visible, and sexy, and loved. And if he could do that once, when we were 17, as the only person who knew (and still knows) the depth and breadth of my dark side, I can trust and have faith that someone else can do that again. If he reads this, I want to thank him, for being the only man who ever understood me. And I hope he remembers that I will always love him.

But that's not the point of this post. The point is that I have a dark side, but I have worked hard and long to tame and control it, and it doesn't rule me. It doesn't drive me. Now it's there to remind me of my soul purpose: to do whatever I can to prevent others from feeling small, helpless, or unlovable. I'm nowhere near perfect at it, but I am going to do something every day for the rest of my life to work at it.

This song feels right at the moment. Wonderful track from Muse's new album The 2nd Law (out last Tuesday, shameless plug to check it out because it will shift your music paradigm), sung by the bassist Chris Wolstenholme. It's called "Save Me."

To conclude, I have to give credit for everything to my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. They made me who I am, good and dark, and I love every bit of where I've been to get me here. And the only reason I know I'll survive the rest of the future is through Them and Their plan. I know I have a long journey ahead, but I've learned that as long as I keep moving my legs, They will make sure my foot falls in the right place. This weekend I was reminded of that so many times, so with renewed conviction, I'm following my dreams and fulfilling my soul purpose.

Quotables 2

• Only through experience of tiral and suffering can the soul be strengthed, ambition inspired, and success achieved. - Helen Keller
• Joy is prayer - Joy is strength - Joy is love - Joy is a net of love by which you can catch souls. - Mother Teresa
• Generosity is giving more than you can, and pride is taking less than you need. - Khalil Gibran
• To learn to succeed, you must first learn to fail. - Michael Jordan
• Everything comes too late for those who one wait. - Elbert Hubbard
• If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now. - Marie Osmond
• The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. - Bertrand Russell
• The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you. Don't go back to sleep. - Rumi
• Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved. - Victor Hugo
• The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. - Hubert Humphrey
• You have got to discover you, what you do, and trust it. - Barbra Streisand
• Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him, and to let him know that you trust him. - Booker T. Washington
• Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature. Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. - Helen Keller
• Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. - Albert Einstein
• Always tell the truth. Then you'll never have to remember what you said the last time. - Sam Rayburn
• Don't be too timid and squeamish about your actions. Life is an experiment. The more experiments you make, the better. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it. - George Moore
• Wise men learn more from fools than fools from the wise. - Cato the Elder
• Friendship with oneself is all-important because without it one cannot be friends with anyone else. - Eleanor Roosevelt
• The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things. - Henry Ward Beecher
• Every calling is great when greatly pursued. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
• There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered. - Nelson Mandela
• You imagine what you desire, you will what you imagine and at least you create what you will. - George Bernard Shaw
• The spirit is the true self, not that physical figure which can be pointed out by your finger. - Cicero
• It is only by doing things others have not that one can advance. - George S. Patton
• It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues. - Abraham Lincoln
• They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. - Andy Warhol
• Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours. - Mark Twain
• Keep your fears to yourself, but share your courage with others. - Robert Louis Stevenson
• Only I can change my life. No one can do it for me. - Carol Burnett
• Anything's possible if you've got enough nerve. - J.K. Rowling
• My opinion is that you never find happiness until you stop looking for it. - Chuang Tzu
• No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow. - Alice Walker
• You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• So long as you can sweeten another's pain, life is not in vain. - Helen Keller
• Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone. - Pablo Picasso
• Nuture your minds with great thoughts. To believe in the heroic makes heroes. - Benjamin Disraeli
• Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards. - Soren Kierkegaard
• Artists who seek perfection in everything are those who cannot attain it in anything. - Eugene Delacroix 
• Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing. - Theodore Roosevelt
• You can't be brave if you've had only wonderful things happen to you. - Mary Tyler Moore
• One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. - A.A. Milne

Quotables

• Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings tunes without words and never stops at all. - Emily Dickinson
• They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. - Carl Sagan
• Someday you will find out that there is far more happiness in another's happiness than in your own. - Honore de Balzac
• It's easy to make a buck. It's a lot tougher to make a difference. - Tom Brokaw
• I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is to try to please everyone. - Bill Cosby
• We must use time as a tool, not as a crutch. - John F. Kennedy
• I owe my success to having listened respectfully to the very best advice, and then going away and doing the exact opposite. - GK Chesterton
• Money often costs too much. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't. - Margaret Thatcher
• Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something. - Plato
• The strongest principle of growth lies in human choice. - George Eliot
• Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. - Will Rogers
• The moment one gives a close attention to anything, even a blade of grass, it becomes a magnificent world unto itself. - Henry Miller
• We can draw lessons from the past, but we cannot live in it. - Lyndon Johnson
• I'm not afraid of storms, for I'm learning to sail my ship. - Louisa May Alcott
• Sometimes it is not enough to do our best; we must do what is required. - Winston Churchill
• I never think of the future - it comes soon enough. - Albert Einstein
• The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. - Eleanor Roosevelt
• You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through. - Rosalyn Carter
• Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything they just cry over [it]. But when they get angry, they bring about a change. - Malcolm X
• Think wrongly if you please, but in all cases think for yourself. - Doris Lessing
• If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them. - Henry David Thoreau
• Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther King Jr.
• With slight efforts, how can we obtain great results? It is foolish to even desire it. - Euripides
• A sound mind in a sound bady is a short but full description of a happy state in this work. - John Locke
• Be happy with what you have and are, be generous with both, and you won't have to hunt for happiness. - William Gladstone
• Self-reliance is the only road to true freedom, and being one's own person is its ultimate reward. - Patricia Sampson
•  Mystery creates wonder and wonder is the basis of man's desire to understand. - Neil Armstrong
• Happiness is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. - Helen Keller
• The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. - Lucille Ball
• Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time; for that's the stuff life is made of! - Bejamin Franklin
• One who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; one who does not ask a question remans a fool forever. - Chinese Proverb
• We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face. - Eleanor Roosevelt

What I Learned from Britney Spears

So I went on a cruise to Mexico over this past week. I'm not going to blog about it. Sorry.

But I am going to blog about one experience that I had on the cruise, the highlight of the cruise (or at least the parts where we were on the ship) for me. A truly life-changing experience.

They had a show called Carnival Legends where any old person on the cruise could audition by going to karaoke and singing a song by one of the legendary artists they were going to present at the show. I thought there was no harm in trying out. At the very least it'd give me some experience and feedback for my voice lessons.

So I went, and I signed up to try out for Madonna and Aretha Franklin. Unfortunately there were some women (who were awesome) that pleased the crowd a little better than I did. But then the DJ announced that no one had signed up to audition for Britney Spears. So I thought, why not. Another girl signed up right when I did, and I sang terribly for the audition (Britney's always been a little low for me). But when the crowd cheered for me, they erupted! I was seriously hit by a wall of screaming and clapping. It was the craziest sensation I've ever had. And thus I became Britney Spears for the show.

The girl who was Madonna actually offered to switch me, but I decided to stick with Britney because I knew the song better (Baby One More Time) and because for some reason, it just felt right.

The night of the performance came and I didn't feel nervous. For once I just felt...I practiced, I'll do my best, I'll let go and have fun and who cares what the outcome is. My friends did my make up (which I hadn't worn at all in months) and I looked fantastic.

I sang terribly. My dance moves were probably hilarious (I haven't watched the DVD yet). But the crowd of 900 that was watching me cheered. I entertained them. My off-pitch singing and my naive, curvy white girl moves were entertaining.

Afterwards, I felt great. Even though I knew I'd not sung to the best of my ability. I went out in front of a larger crowd than I ever had, I had fun, and I entertained. I was Britney Spears.

 (Sorry, I cannot get the pic to upload vertically). I loved the way I looked and felt so much, that right then and there I made some changes in my attitude.

1. It's ok to get made up and pamper myself, even if it costs a lot sometimes. Because I deserve to feel like I look amazing, and that will reflect in my mood and attitude and how I interact with others. So it's worth the extra money and time sometimes.

2. I don't have to perform perfectly in everything I do. It's ok to be human and to be less than the best, as long as you are your best. So just live and have fun. You don't have to be perfect at living. You just have to actually live. So you let go of control, and you dive head first into whatever you want, even if you have no idea how long it will last. Because if it makes you happy, helps you grow and learn, or changes you for the better, it's worth it, even if it's fleeting.

So, I came home and colored my hair a darker blonde and got bangs cut in. Because I needed to feel different and special, and also needed a physical reminder of what I've learned from Britney Spears.

Also, I listened to 3 country songs today, all the way through. Because I decided that part of jumping in and appreciating growth and change in myself should involve branching out and exploring uncharted territory. Am I a country fan? Not yet, but I think I might find some virtue in it. :)

More Quoties

Getting these out of the way before it gets bigger. :)

1. He who doesn't find a little enough with find nothing enough. - Epicurus
2. Not life, but good life, is to be chiefly valued. - Socrates
3. We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. - Martin Luther King Jr.
4. It is never too late to be what you might have been. - George Eliot
5. The shell must break before the bird can fly. - Tennyson
6. Happiness is nothing but everyday living seen through a veil. - Zora Neale Hurston
7. Never let yesterday use up too much of today. - Will Rogers
8. Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises. - Demosthenes
9. There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way. - Christopher Morley
10. Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content. - Helen Keller
11. Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. - William Butler Yeats
12. Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it. - Henry David Thoreau
13. He who strikes the first blow admits he's lost the argument. - Chinese Proverb
14. Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. - Mahatma Gandhi
15. A little nonsense now and then si relished by the wisest men. - Roald Dahl
16. Be thankful for what you have. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough. - Oprah Winfrey
17. It's kind of fun to do the impossible. - Walt Disney
18. Common sense in an uncommon degree is what the world calls wisdom. - Samuel Coleridge
19. If you do not wish to be prone to anger, do not feed the habit. Give it nothing which may tend to its increase. - Epictetus
20. A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains. - Dutch Proverb
21. For happiness one needs security, but joy can spring like a flower even from the cliffs of despair. - Anne Morrow Lindbergh
22. Life is far too important a thing to ever talk about seriously. - Oscar Wilde
23. Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak. Courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. - Winston Churchill
24. Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. - Mother Teresa
25. I think I began learning long ago that those who are happiest are those who do the most for others. - Booker T. Washington
26. Character - the willingness to accept responsibility for one's own life - is the source from which all self-respect springs. - Joan Didion
27. We are all born for love. It is the principle of existence, and its only end. - Benjamin Disraeli
28. The character of every act depends upon the circumstances in which it is done. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
29. I've learned that you can't have everything and do everything at the same time.
30. I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be. - Martin Luther King Jr. 
31. Play for more than you can afford to lose and you'll learn the game. - Winston Churchill
32. Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work. - Aristotle
33. Common sense is the knack of seeing things as they are, and doing things as they ought to be done. - Harriet Beecher Stowe
34. He who would travel happily must travel light. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery
35. We would often be sorry if our wishes were gratified. - Aesop
36. Let him that would move the world first move himself. - Socrates
37. Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. - Oscar Wilde
38. In giving advice, seek to help, not to please, your friend. - Solon
39. Whatever you do, do it with all your might. Early and late, in season and out of season, not leaving a stone unturned. - P.T. Barnum
40. What difference does it make how much you have? What you do not have means much more. - Seneca
41. He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else. - Benjamin Franklin
42. The more a man knows, the more he forgives. - Catherine the Great
43. Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question. - Albert Camus
44. If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable. - Seneca
45. The important thing is not to stop questioning. - Albret Einstein
46. The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. - Ben Stein
47. Almost every wise saying has an opposite one, no less wise, to balance it. - George Satanaya
48. Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried. - Mae West
49. He who has hope has everything. - Arabic Proverb
50. The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty; not knowing what comes next. - Ursula LeGuin

I AM a Rocker Chick

So last night I went to see Rock of Ages which was offensively trashy and I don't recommend anyone to see it (and you know that's a big deal coming from me). But I also went to see Def Leppard, Poison, and Scorpions in concert this month. And I have come to this conclusion: classic rock music ignites my soul. Not just my body. Not just my spirit. My soul.

There were a few good things about the movie which I will use to illustrate why rock music is so wonderful.

• Rock tells stories. 

The lyrics to rock songs may not tell stories over a plot arch the way that country and rap tend to do. It's much more subtle, but thereby more relatable and  intrepretable by a wider audience. The stories rock tells are about the every day lives of ordinary people. Take for example, the song "Let's Get Rocked" by Def Leppard. First verse is about an "average ordinary everyday kid" and the second is about an "average ordinary everyday dude," both who just want to live life their own way without anyone telling them how. Or "The Zoo" by Scorpions. About a couple who spend a fun night on the town. People do these things in real life. Everyone can relate to this. Then there is also the many, many rock songs that address the issues of humanity as a whole, such as "Humanity" by Scorpions, or "Bicycle" by Queen. Or "Bohemian Rhapsody."

One of my favorite Scorpions songs.

• Rock is emotional.

 Anyone who knows me knows that there is little I love more in this life than passion. I'm in favor of anything that is done with passion. And rock is always done with passion. And it's not stuck in one passion or another. It's not always about sex, it's not always about drugs, and it's not always about rock and roll (although it is sometimes each of these). I've actually come to realize that a huge portion of rock songs are about trying to get through the mundane parts of life and feel alive once in a while. "Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. She took the midnight train going anywhere..." - Don't Stop Believing: Journey. "When the bombs and the devils and the kids keep on comin', no way to breathe easy no time to be young" - Crazy on You: Heart. And another huge portion is about figuring love out (of course, this is the eternal question for all artists, and could be considered a sub-category to the previous). "I would try to change the things that killed our love" - Still Loving You: Scorpions. "I've been waiting for a girl like you, a love that will survive" - Waiting for a Girl Like You: Foreigner. Again, these are emotions that everyone can relate to: growing up, figuring life out, regret, infatuation/falling in love/giddiness depending on the intention. And my personal favorite thing about these rock concerts is that the passion comes through on the band's faces - all the members - and ignites the crowd.

C.C. DeVille of Poison killing it.

• Rock just rocks.

To anyone who listens, there is a hinge that started in the 90s, where rock music changed. I think a lot of music changed, but rock was pretty drastic. Some people blame this change on Nirvana, but that's another blog post. So the rock that I am talking about in this post is not alternative, or heavy metal, or "soft rock" (whatever that is). It is Grade A, Premium, Extra Large ROCK. I'm talking electric guitars with solos in every song. I'm talking the drummer goes crazy and rips his shirt off every other song. I'm talking the stuff that takes incredible skill to play and blasting vocals to sing. The stuff that sounds different in every song (yes, that is possible!). This is why it imbues my soul with fire. It is not average, it is not humdrum in the background. It commands your attention. It is bright, edgy, glamourous. It is meant to be heard!

Scorpions rocking my face off.

So for those of you who might believe that rock is devilish, to you I say: if it is wrong for humanity to try to understand and then express itself, what is the point of living? I love rock and roll, so put another dime in the juke box, baby.

Quoties

Gotta get some of these out so I can remember them forever!!

1. Take chances. When rowing forward, the boat may rock. - Chinese Proverb
2. Like anyone else, there are days I feel beautiful and days I don't, and when I don't, I do something about it. - Cheryl Tiegs
3. Never to suffer would be never to have been blessed. - Edgar Allen Poe
4. Nothing is so wretched or foolish as to anticipate misfortunes. What maddness it is to be expecting evil before it comes. - Seneca
5. The time is always right to do what is right. - Martin Luther King Jr.
6. When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends. - Japanese Proverb
7. No one has ever achieved anything form the smallest to the greatest unless the dream was dreamed first. - Laura Ingalls Wilder
8. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained. - Marie Curie
9. It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
10. I never see what has been done. I only see what remains to be done. - Marie Curie
11. A professional is someone who can do his best when he doesn't feel like it. - Alistair Cooke
12. Some painters transform the sun into a yellow spot, others transform a yellow spot into the sun. - Pablo Picasso
13. There would be nothing to frighten you if you refused to be afraid. - Gandhi
14. The function of leadership is to produce more leaders, not more followers. - Ralph Nader
15. What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
16. It is not good enough to have a good mind; the main thing is to use it well. - Rene Descartes
17. Concentrate all you thoughts upon the work at hand. The sun's rays do not burn until brought to a focus. - Alexander Graham
18. Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, and acquaintance, or a stranger. - Franklin Jones
19. It takes courage to make a fool of yourself. - Charlie Chaplin
20. It is common sense to make a method and try it; if it fails, admit it frankly and try another. But above all, try something. - Franklin Roosevelt
21. They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. - Andy Warhol
22. Know when to tune out. If you listen to too much advice, you may wind up making other people's mistakes. - Ann Landers
23. The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money. - Johnny Carson
24. Everyone has talent. What is rare is the courage to follow the talent to the dark place where it leads. - Erica Jong
25. Gray skies are just clouds passing over. - Duke Ellington
26. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb if, go through it, or work around it. - Michael Jordan
27. The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up. - Mark Twain
28. Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage. - Anais Nin
29. Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. It is the only thing thta ever has. - Margaret Mead
30. You got to be careful if you don't know where you're going, because you might not get there. - Yogi Berra
31. Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens. - JRR Tolkien
32. Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one. - Eleanor Roosevelt
33. Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of someone else. - Judy Garland
34. Don't be afraid of missing opportunities. Behind every failure is an opportunity somebody wishes they had missed. - Lily Tomlin
35. A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do. - Bob Dylan
36. Winning is important to me, but what brings me real joy is the experience of being fully engaged in whatever I'm doing. - Phil Jackson
37. Friendship is a plant of slow growth and must withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the name. - George Washington
38. That's the secret to life...replace one worry with another... - Charles M Schulz
39. Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. - Will Rogers
40. In order to be irreplaceable one must always be different. - Coco Chanel
41. You are educated when you have the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or self-confidence. - Robert Frost
42. How much trouble he avoids who does not look to see what his neighbor says or does or thinks. - Marcus Aurelis

He is Risen, He is Risen!

Tell it out with joyful voice!

Today in Relief Society we listened to the talk "None were with Him" by Jeffrey R. Holland (I think it's from April 2009's conference). I remember pretty vividly this talk changing my perspective on a lot the first time I heard it, and it did the same this time.

This Mormon Message is based on the talk and is awesome. :)

So when we were discussing the talk in Relief Society there were two things that really stuck out to me.

1. Elder Holland quotes Isaiah 63:5:

 5 And I looked, and there was none to help; and I wondered that there was none to uphold: therefore mine own arm brought ^asalvation unto me; and my fury, it upheld me.

 What stuck out to me is that Christ wondered that there was none to uphold him. If Christ needs friends and people to support Him, then who am I to say that I can make it through anything without anyone's help? I tend to do that a lot...shut up in myself when something happens that I struggle to deal with, and even though often I want to talk to someone about it, I convince myself not to because somehow it will end up getting worse if I tell anyone. A ridiculous, paranoid mindset maybe, but sometimes a reality to me nonetheless. But if Christ recognized a need for friends and family supporting Him, then I definitely need to be more open to that because I am nowhere near perfect, and He is.

2. I was bothered for pretty much my entire life, until I heard this talk, about the time when Jesus is on the cross and cries out that God has forsaken Him. God is perfect with a perfect love, I always thought, why would He abandon His Son? It always frustrated me so much I couldn't think about it for too long. But Elder Holland explains that in order for Christ to complete the Atonement and feel every sorrow that we would ever feel, He needed to know what it was like to spiritually die; to be cut off from God. So it's not that God forsook His Son. God was always there, loving His Son and reaching out, just as He always is with us. But the Spirit had to withdraw from Christ in order for Him to know what it feels like to sin. And that feeling is the feeling you get when deep inside you, somethig aches, something is screaming in anguish because it is so very, very alone.

I've had that feeling a few times in my life, and as I've gotten a little wiser, whenever that feeling comes I know I need to turn immediately to Heavenly Father, but I want to have something to offer Him when I come. So I always try to search my mind for something I need to repent of (not too hard). Then I pray, and apologize for my sins, and sometimes need to apologize to other people as well, or else rectify something in some way, but as soon as I start that process, the alone feeling vanishes and is immediately replaced with a rush of comfort and love, often unto a bursting feeling.

Today I wore a ring with a big cross on it to church, just because I like to conduct sociological experiments like that and see what people will say (no one said anything). But the cross took on a new meaning today as we discussed the Atonement in all three meetings of church. Christ was utterly alone on the cross, and this He did so that I never ever have to be alone. This is the absolute greatest gift I have received from Him.

Elder Holland finished his talk with this quote, which I want to reiterate for myself and for everyone who believes in Jesus Christ:

This Easter week and always, may we stand but Jesus Christ "at all times and in all things, and in all places that [we] may be in, even until death," for surely that is how He stood by us when it  was unto death and when He had to stand entirely and utterly alone.

 Christ has given me everything, and I don't want Him to ever be alone because He has never left me alone. I know that He loves me and died for me, and that has made all the difference.

Ain't I a Woman?

As of late, I have been pondering a lot about my role in this world as a woman. I have been trying to be a better woman...the kind of woman that when people think of me, they think of a strong female. Not a girly girl, cause that's not what I am and I never will be. But a woman who pulled her weight, who thought for herself, who worked as hard as she could on everything she took up, who was full of patience and compassion, and who was willing to give to anyone she found in need. To me, this is real womanhood.

While I have been working on these attributes that I want to acquire, I have noticed one major hang up. The more I try to exemplify this extraordinary woman I want to be, the less guys want to be around me. I have been taught to believe that men like women who are feminine. So this leads me to the conclusion that men and I have a very different definition of femininity.

This is understandable because of the currently degrading concept of gender roles, and the skewed idea of feminism. But my personal struggle has inspired me to write my own version of Sojourner Truth's wonderful "Ain't I a Woman?" speech (please review the history of this beautiful speech here.)

That man over there

Says that women need to be coupled to a man,

And enjoy being doted on, And receive

                                                                        flowers

for any occasion, wherever.

No man is coupled to me,

 And I'm not adored or respected,
                   And I don't receive any

 flowers.

And ain't I a woman?

Look at me.

Look at my arm.

                                I have trained,                       And served,

And taught myself how to live in this 

world,

And no man could break me, ever! 

                                                     Ain't I a woman?

I can work as much And think as hard as a man

—If they would let me—

And bear the stress as well.

And ain't I a woman?

I have borne no  

children,

Despite the desire to be a mother who will actually care for them,

And when I cried out,

In my barren grief,

None but

Jesus

heard me. 

A Word about Peeta

Last night, my car died for the second time in 2012. It's only March. A little upsetting?

In January I ended up paying over $1,400 to fix my car, Peeta. I was terrified that I would have to pay that much again to keep him. But honestly, I couldn't imagine doing anything else. I, like Katniss, was willing to give anything to take Peeta home alive with me

Am I in love with my car, legitimately, or am I in love with the idea that he and the fictional character he was named after stand for?

I really hope it's the second.

Peeta Mellark is one of those fictional characters that represents the ideal man (at least my ideal man!). He is kind, selfless, patient, and generous, but above all that, he knows who he is, what he believes, and is willing to die defending that. For example, one of my favorite parts of the film:

So I'm planning on writing a legitimate essay, maybe more like a research paper, about how amazing Peeta is (also one about Ron Weasley). I know that no one cares about this as much as I do, but as long as I'm analyzing something so intensely, I might as well make it academic.

But the good news is, my mechanic fixed Peeta in one day, and since the problem was a result of something that didn't get completely fixed in January, he didn't charge me anything. Holla for honest mechanics!!

(Disclaimer for anyone who doesn't know me very well who might read this: I'm not in love with my car, although I am pretty attached to it. I know it's an it, not a he, and that it doesn't "stand" for anything. I just like symbols and personification.)

Philosophical Crisis

So this morning I was reading in my book, Get a Grip on Philosophy, about Socrates. Socrates reportedly lived this life of self-reflections and virtue, continually questioning in himself and in everyone around him what their innermost motivations were, and how to make those motivations into the absolute best ones. He was put on trial for upsetting so many people by expecting them (untactfully) to improve their wicked ways.

I've never wanted to be self- righteous, but this reminded me of myself. Probably because I recently had an experience where I told someone they needed to change their ways and I lost a friendship from it. But I absolutely don't regret it.

So I began to ponder on the best way to live, thinking about Socrates' questions. Am I living the best life that I can? No, of course not.

Then on the way to church, I was listening to the classical station and they were playing an excerpt from a speech, and the man, don't know who it was, was talking about saying "please" and "thank you," and how a smile, or a compliment, or a thank you card, can all be some of the most important moments in someone's life. And this happens to be something I've been trying to work on forrrrrrrreeeeeeeevvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrr. So then I felt even worse about not living the best life I can.

During church, I don't remember all the thoughts and feelings I had, but I remember a few distinct ones. I remembered how my life has been changed and blessed through the girls that visit taught me and whom I visit taught my freshman year of college. It was brought to my attention how emcompassing the Atonement is, and how it can heal all wounds. I pondered on the things that occupy my thoughts, and what they say about me as a person. And I remembered how much I want to be better about living my testimony and attending the temple.

Then I realized something. It's outlined in 2 Nephi, 2:27:

• Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.

God has given us everything we ever need, but whatever we do with it is our choice. I have the tools I need to become a better person. I just need to make the choice now to do it.

The girl who spoke in sacrament meeting put it very well. You just have to fake it 'til you make it. If you are wanting to change something, you wake up one day and tell yourself "I'm the best at (insert changed characteristic here)," and then you keep acting like it until it's comfortable, and then it becomes true through time. I strongly believe in this idea. So many times I have had friends come to me saying that they wish they were something, and I always say, don't wish it, be it. Just start doing it.

I have tried many times to follow my own advice, but usually I lose motivation after a while. I start thinking patterns of "this isn't my natural character," "why should I change this?" or "what's wrong with being a cynically bitter recluse anyway?"

But the truth about all of those excuses is: I don't want to be that way. The person I want to be is someone else. So what if my natural character wants to sit quietly and unnoticed? That doesn't mean that I can't also be friendly and make people's days better.

So I started right away. I spent time with my roommate, which is the first time I have just hung out with her in the 6 weeks we've lived together/known each other. I texted a girl in my ward to tell her that I appreciated her. I complimented the girl I sat next to in sacrament on her singing voice. And it's not going to stop tomorrow or the next day.

What I know is this: God loves me and has given me everything. It is my duty to help Him by uplifting others. It is something I want to do. So I am the best compliment giver ever. I am the best hugger ever. I am the best at telling the truth kindly. And I am the best at calling upon His strength to help me know how to do these things.

For so long I have been trying to figure out who I am, and be it, but so afraid that who I am wouldn't be good enough for some people. But really, every time that's happened, I don't care. If they don't think I'm good enough, I don't need them. Why should I be afraid? Also, I can be whoever I want to be if I make up my mind to do it, so I'm going to do it.

I finally joined Pinterest tonight as an expression of not being afraid to show the world who I am. Odd, trivial maybe. But as a lover of definition and expression, it's about time I did some of my own.