Marriage Guarantee and the Value of Gay Friends

As much as I've loved my education here at BYU-Idaho, there is one thing I feel compelled to complain about. I am supposed to attend a graduating English majors' dinner on Monday, and every invitation I've received for it says: "Please make sure you bring your spouse or significant other."


You hear jokes in your classes about not being able to graduate from BYU-I without being married, but I'm not so sure they were jokes. My German professor's office is just down the hall from mine, and the other day he walked by and we had a little chat. He asked me if I was married, and I thought he was going to fall over when I said no. "What? A girl like you? I thought you'd be married by now." I couldn't help but agree with him. "Well, you have to throw yourself at guys. I know you're not that kind of girl, but you have to throw yourself at guys because they are too stupid to see how beautiful and smart you are on your own."

That's when I thought: wow. I'm kind of glad I'm not married then. First of all, why should I have to be something I'm not in order to secure a husband? Secondly, if he can't appreciate who I am on his own, why would I want to marry him? Thirdly, if guys are really that stupid, I can be satisfied with the Second Degree for the sake of my sanity. I'm not expecting Mr. Darcy, but I would like to believe that there is a guy out there who is intelligent, sensitive, and manly all at the same time. Well, I know there is. My dad is one. I'm just hoping there's one left in my generation.

Oddly, the older I get, the less I feel like I'm failing life because I've never had a healthy relationship. I'm realizing more and more that it's more about commitment than compatibilities, more about persistence than physicality, more about character than cute/corniness. Yes, I've been told that my whole life, and I knew it for a long time, but I didn't realize how deep it went. In light of a recent conversation with a friend who openly admits that his shallowness is preventing him from finding matrimonial bliss, I think I can say that physical appearance is probably #10 on my top 10 things I'm looking for. In a couple of years it might not even appear on the list.

As I was pondering on this "bring your spouse or significant other," I thought back to my high school days when I had a certain guy friend who would come with me to any such event and have no problem acting like we were dating. He pulled it off quite convincingly (probably because he actually did want to date me, come to find out). Where is that friend now? Married to someone else.

Here is how I should fix this problem: find a gay guy to be my best friend. This way he can act like my boyfriend/fiance whenever I need him to (My Best Friend's Wedding or The Wedding Date style, ironically both with the same actor), there won't be any of that awkward "Is she asking me to do this because she wishes we were dating" on his end or any "Is he agreeing to this because he wants it" on my end, and most likely he won't get married (depending on the state I guess) and even if he does it won't be to some crazy jealous chick who forbids him from talking to me. All problems solved. Unfortunately I'm not going to find a gay guy in Rexburg. Not because they don't exist, but because they keep it very quiet around here.

So to solve my current dillemma: go to the party alone and be happy about it. I'm single by choice, because I had a couple of opportunities to choose marital strife, or single life. And I chose the latter. And that was the right choice for me.