Draper YSA

Before I head out on my next adventure, I want/need to express some gratitude, humility, and excitement about where I've been for the past 20 months. I moved from my parents' house in Murray to a nice apartment in Draper, and there my life changed forever!

When I walked into the leasing office to look at the apartments, I knew absolutely that I needed to live there. I was ready to sign the lease without even looking at the apartments, and I knew I would make an effort to live there no matter what roommate situation I had to put up with.

Well, the first roommate I had was a disaster. But that enabled - encouraged - me to reach out to people in a way that I normally wouldn't. Which turned out to be...the best.

First I met this girl who loves and accepts without bounds...I seriously am blown away by how much she is willing to give others, and how unceasingly kind she is. Her friendship was the first life-preserver I caught in this new place.

Then I met another girl that knows how to live life to the ultimate capacity - every experience is exciting and precious and worth living! She taught me to really let go and relax (being a massage therapist helps). And to make my life epic!

And then there were two brothers that completed the outfit. They brought rationality, calmness, and intellectualism into the group. What they brought specifically to my life was a better understanding of understanding, including a widened perspective on forgiveness and acceptance. They helped me learn how to implement the positive changes I wanted to make in my life.

I got to know a lot of other people in Draper, but there are a couple of other girls that deserve a specific mention. This girl, who treats everyone equally, no matter what, which is something I admire extremely:

And this girl, who is like mango salsa: sweet and spicy at the same time. She brightens my day and is just plain awesome!:

Now for one of the most important people to mention is my bishop. He said some very profound things to me in our various meetings:

• You don't have to prove anything to anyone. You are already amazing because you are a daughter of God.
• You are beautiful and doing good things (I need to hear that often).
• Do the right thing and the rest will be taken care of. He quoted this scripture to me more than once:  

25 ^aTherefore I say unto you, Take no ^bthought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
 26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

 27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

 28 And why take ye thought for raiment? ^aConsider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:

 29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

 30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, ^ashall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little ^bfaith?

 31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

 32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father ^aknoweth that ye have need of all these things.

 33 ^aBut ^bseek ye first the ^ckingdom of God, and his ^drighteousness; and all these ^ethings shall be ^fadded unto you.

 34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take ^athought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. (Matthew 6:25-34)

So in conclusion, in case you didn't get what I was trying to say in this post, what I learned from living in Draper was to love more and worry less. To give without holding back, and without expecting in return. To forget when you forgive. So many things that sound easy but aren't. Living in Draper was an absolute necessity to make me into the person I really want to be. I will cherish the time I spent there and the people I met there by living better because of them.

Happy Easter Thoughts

Just going to blog about two really important things in one post. Hopefully it doesn't get out of control.

Last week, on March 27, 2013, I received an acceptance letter from my #1 choice of grad school at Edinburgh Napier University in Edinburgh, Scotland in a Masters of Arts in Screenwriting program. I have researched this school and pondered about actually going to grad school for over a year. It was not a decision I made lightly.

It's a huge decision - the expenses will be paid for almost entirely with loans, so I will be incurring more debt than I've ever had. I will be moving to a foreign country - alone this time - to live - alone - for a year. I will be completely on my own when it comes to everything I need to do to survive, from eating to writing a full length feature film. Some of it will be easy, because some of it I've done before. Some of it won't be, because there are some things I will have to do that I've never done on my own before, or I've always had a fail safe Plan B for.

The feelings I felt knowing that I was in the program, and that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing - what I feel like I was made to do - were astronomical. It really was too much for my body to comprehend. Then of course, there trickled in the gravity of what I was really doing. I was consciously taking my whole life, and hefting it into a higher plane of existence. A place that I hadn't known it would go. And that was followed with doubt - how am I going to pay for it? What if the loans don't cover enough and I don't save/earn enough, and I end up homeless in Scotland, or worse, have to leave? What if I don't have the talent it takes to get a career, or even a job, from this degree? What if I fail my classes? What if I get kidnapped? Each doubt more irrational than the one before (cause we all know I'd never get kidnapped - I'd kick their trash before they could take me).

I was battling these feelings - all the while still knowing that this was the right path for me to take - this morning. And then I began to remember this:


Of course because today is Easter, but in my stake, we've had the privilege of studying about the Atonement all month with this amazing 30-day study guide: http://atonementofjesuschrist.blogspot.com/.

And I combined what I'd learned from studying about the Atonement into what is going on in my life right now. What I learned was:

1. Heavenly Father loves me, and each of us, so much that He sent His Only Begotten Son to stuffer every pain imaginable (physical, emotional, and spiritual) so that we would never have to be alone and we could always receive strength from Jesus Christ.
2. Jesus Christ also paid the price for every sin ever committed on this earth, and if we accept that payment (by obedience and our own sacrifices), we can return to live with Heavenly Father and Jesus in glory forever.
3. We only need to call on our Father and Brother to receive the help and strength we need. We should talk to them all the time, really, because having a closer relationship with them makes everything in our lives happier and easier.

Well, here I am, desperately needing help, and with this beautiful knowledge that it is there, waiting for me to take it.

It's still scary, but I know I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I also know that the Lord will provide for me to grow to the capacity I need to be at to handle the challenges, as well as provide solutions to the challenges I will face...for the rest of my life.

I never would have made it this far without Him, but also wouldn't have made it without a few other people/experiences:

1. Obviously my parents, as well as all my sisters, who have been in examples to me in ways they probably don't even realize.
2. BYU-Idaho, where I realized my passions and purpose, and also learned how to be my own woman and truly find joy in life. As well as meet my two best friends, Diana Toronto and Kristen Cox, and Stephanie Palmer who introduced to me the idea of going to grad school in the UK (and is also a wonderful friend).
3. Living in Germany, which taught me that I am smart and capable, and I can stand on my own two feet without falling. I also made many new best friends there who taught me how to love (Miriam Blanchette), work hard (Hiu Tung Hung), and be patient (Kurt Thatcher).
4. Living in Draper, which has helped me refine so many edges of my personality that I feel like I'm a completely different person because of what I've learned here. I am so grateful for a bishop who challenges me to be more than what I have become. Also so grateful for my other best friend Jill Christensen who has rocked my world into epicness, and Andrew Clark and Jenna Bowman who probably have no idea what a stellar influence they've had on me. :)
5. The opportunity I've had to go to the temple and learn about Heavenly Father's plan for me and all of us. The knowledge I have gained there is more precious than any knowledge I will ever get from school. Also thanks to Rachel Fisihetau, Candace Larsen, and Stephanie Palmer for getting me to go regularly and keeping me going regularly.

I know that I am watched over and loved by a Father in Heaven who knows every bit of me. I am grateful to know of His amazing plan that allows me to return to Him and reach my full potential. I am excited to live His plan and do amazing things with my life (even if I don't know how it will happen!).

My Soul Purpose

This post is inspired by Glee and The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and of course LDS general conference.

I saw The Perks of Being a Wallflower yesterday, and I found it to be a very touching movie. I wouldn't recommend if for everyone, but if you're like me and you enjoy stories where people face (and sometimes conquer, but sometimes don't conquer) the harsh realities of life, especially growing up, I would highly recommend it.

It touched me for a lot of reasons, but mostly because I related so strongly to the main character. Fortunately, I wasn't abused as a kid; I grew up in a very stable, loving home and my parents still love and support me, all my sisters, and each other. I consider myself extremely lucky for that. Nor did my friends in high school drug me for entertainment (although some of them wanted to). But Charlie said a line in there that struck me like playing the harp with my veins. It was something like: Do you ever feel like if you really shared what was in your head, everyone around you would think you're crazy?

Like I said, I lived a normal, happy childhood (well, considering I wasn't really a normal kid), but once I became a teenager, I started experiencing things that were hard, and dark. Maybe my friends haven't shared everything with me, but in comparing experiences back then, and with friends I have now, of middle school and high school, I kinda think a lot of the things I experienced were outside of the normal range of growing up, finding yourself, dealing-with-hormones-and-feelings-you've-never-had-before experiences.

When I was in high school, I was obsessed with someone, just one person, understanding me and where I was coming from. So much so that I poured my heart out to so many people, most of whom didn't really care or honestly couldn't relate. I don't blame any of them, and quite honestly, wouldn't be surprised if everyone who went to high school with me thinks I'm completely crazy, including the ones I'm still in contact with (and thank you, for sticking around). When I finally realized that I was making things worse for myself, I stopped sharing so much, and started feeling like a normal person.

But Kelly Clarkson's song "Dark Side" put a bolt through my heart. I know, and have known, everyone has a dark side. Still I've refused to believe that anyone's is like mine. Some are certainly worse. Some are comparatively trivial. But the song opened up to me the possibility of finally letting someone back in.

Glee has often struck chords within me, addressing the challenges teenagers face in so many decisions that they are not well-equipped to make, and reminding me of the decisions I've made, and also giving me a little motivation to follow my dreams (yeah, it's cheesy, but everything about Glee is, so deal with it). In the episode I caught up on tonight, Rachel gives this speech to Finn about how he was her first love. And once again, the chords in my heart sang. My first love, he did all those things for me that Rachel said Finn did for her: made her feel visible, and sexy, and loved. And if he could do that once, when we were 17, as the only person who knew (and still knows) the depth and breadth of my dark side, I can trust and have faith that someone else can do that again. If he reads this, I want to thank him, for being the only man who ever understood me. And I hope he remembers that I will always love him.

But that's not the point of this post. The point is that I have a dark side, but I have worked hard and long to tame and control it, and it doesn't rule me. It doesn't drive me. Now it's there to remind me of my soul purpose: to do whatever I can to prevent others from feeling small, helpless, or unlovable. I'm nowhere near perfect at it, but I am going to do something every day for the rest of my life to work at it.

This song feels right at the moment. Wonderful track from Muse's new album The 2nd Law (out last Tuesday, shameless plug to check it out because it will shift your music paradigm), sung by the bassist Chris Wolstenholme. It's called "Save Me."

To conclude, I have to give credit for everything to my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. They made me who I am, good and dark, and I love every bit of where I've been to get me here. And the only reason I know I'll survive the rest of the future is through Them and Their plan. I know I have a long journey ahead, but I've learned that as long as I keep moving my legs, They will make sure my foot falls in the right place. This weekend I was reminded of that so many times, so with renewed conviction, I'm following my dreams and fulfilling my soul purpose.

As We Express Our Gratitude, We Must Never Forget that the Highest Appreciation is Not to Utter Words, but to Live by Them.

That title is a quote by John F. Kennedy, and I think it's brilliant. I've never been good at directly expressing gratitude verbally, so instead I try to come up with lots of other ways to say it - gifts, service, hugs, whatever else may come to mind depending on the situation. But here I'd like to verbally express some things that I've become more deeply grateful for over this year, especially in the past few months.

1. Old Friends That Never Get Old. I've managed to hold on to a lot of these. And I love it. There is nothing that makes me happier than a call or text, out of nowhere, from someone who I've been friends with for a long time. I think there is a sweet joy that comes only from a friendship that doesn't require constant attention, but is still in perfect condition when you come back to it. When you find those people with whom you know affection will never strain, you receive a peace that is unique and satisfying in a way that cannot come by any other means.

2. New Friends that Bring New Life. Lately I've made a lot of new friends that have really opened me up to a lot of experiences and perspectives, and my life has become so much richer through their influence. Especially recently, their philosophies and the experiences I've had with them have helped me figure out a lot of things I've been struggling with...for years in some cases. And I am so glad that my life crosses paths with so many interesting and wonderful people. I adore them.

3. A Quirky Family Full of Weirdos. And they are all proud of it. It is easy to discover who you are and not be afraid of it when you have a family where no one is afraid of being "the crazy one." We're all crazy on this bus. And that's what makes life fun. And we all know we are valued. YAY!

4. The Drama and Struggle that's Unavoidable in Life. Some people might think this is nuts, but having experiences in my life that are stressful and unhappy...make me happy. Like an Olympic athlete who has to train every day, who has to push themselves until their muscles, lungs, and heart are screaming - the feeling of your muscles expanding and becoming stronger keeps you going, and when your endorphines kick in your feet don't even hit the floor anymore, and the second you cross the finish line or make that point, all the pain and tediousness of the training is worth it. So it is with trials: you feel whatever part of yourself becoming stronger, at some point, the angels come down and pick you up, then suddenly, it all clicks and the pain is worth it. That is you've really achieved something...that is when you are invincible.

So I hope everyone can recognize the daily sweetness in their lives that comes from...life. I sincerely believe that everything you need to be happy in life is present before you, always. Sometimes you just have to look at a different angle, or just pick it up and dust it off. Man was made to have joy, so go have it!

July: Month of Action! 2nd Weekend

So the second weekend, on the 8th, was one of the best nights ever!! The Karaoke Cafe, where my friends and I often go to sing our hearts out and have the greatest fun, was having an 80s party. So I went with my sisters Camilla and Sarah, and my friends Rachel Fishetau, Rachel Lund, and Rio Zirker. It was so awesome!!

They had a costume contest, so you know I got all into that. I actually made it into the final round, but a kid dressed up as Prince won. I am happy to admit his costume was way better than mine. It was pretty legit.

All in all, we were able to sing a bit, although we weren't able to sing together as a group as much as we wanted. I personally sang: "Jessie's Girl," "Shot Through the Heart," "Sweet Child O' Mine," and "We're Not Gonna Take It." That was pretty fantastic. :)


Then on the 9th I had a wedding reception of a dear, wonderful friend, the older brother I never had, Mark Shepard. He married an awesome, sassy girl, Kirstin, whom I am a big fan of. They got married on June 18, but had a wonderful (I'm sure) 16 day honeymoon in Hawaii, then came home and had their receptions. :)

 

I guess that weekend wasn't quite as adventure filled, so since the next one is, I'll spill into the next week on this post. :)

On the 12th, Kristan and I went to get our vaccinations for Peru. Normally people don't get very excited about shots, but when they are crazy South American diseases and they mean that you are one step closer the the adventure of a lifetime, they are awesome! Plus I've got kind of a sick things for needles, as in I like donating blood and plasma and stuff. I know.

So we got Yellow Fever shots and Typhoid pills full of live bacteria!! Whoo!! For some reason I think it's awesome to be blood-full of exotic diseases...maybe it makes me feel dangerous?

Well, more on the next two weeks later!

June 25, 2011=Crazy

So I meant to write this sooner...once again I suck at this updating thing. But here it is.

So June 25th was probably the craziest day of my life thus far, and I really need to document it correctly. I left the house at about 10:15 a.m. (thank goodness it was that late of a start) and drove to the Bountiful temple where my friend JoNeale Graves was getting married. Just a word on JoNeale: we've been friends for 22-23 years. She is one of the most incredible people currently on the earth. We've had so many adventures together, and our friendship only gets sweeter and richer. In over two decades, I'm sure we've never had a disagreement. We've kept in close contact through her living in the Phillipines twice, me living in Germany and Arizona, and going to different colleges in different states. Best friendship ever.

JoNeale's ceremony started at 10:40, but the Bountiful temple was so packed with weddings that rumors were going around that pretty much all the weddings were delayed about 15 minutes. This was not good news for me. Finally I found JoNeale's family coming out of the ceremony (she has 11 siblings - 8 brothers and 3 sisters). Then JoNeale and her new husband Jon came out. They looked great!

JoNeale is super chill and not into formality so they weren't taking pictures for very long. Since I had pressing matters to attend to, I only stayed to take lots of pictures of JoNeale and her family and one of us together. :)

Then I sped away from that temple and went straight to the Salt Lake temple where my friend Larina was getting married. Her ceremony started at 11:40; I left Bountiful at 12:20. I am not afraid to admit I took a 45 mph road at 80+mph to get there. I got there right after Larina and her new husband Josh got out of the temple, so a little later than I would prefer, but still on time! A word about Larina: we've been friends since 7th grade, and we have been huge supports to each other through all the drama of teenagehood, college, her mission, and everything we've ever been through since we met pretty much. We have been temple buddies for a long time too. :) She and Josh were SOO happy!! :)

Afterwards was Larina's luncheon, which was delicious and I got to spend some time with my other excellent friends Laurel and Rachel. :)

 

Then I had to leave the luncheon a little early to go to a meeting for my trip to Peru in August!! So excited!! We talked about getting our vaccinations, planned out our service to two Peruvian villages in the Amazon jungle, and also talked a little about going to Cusco and Machu Picchu!! WHOO!! I'm just stoked out of my brain. August 3-17. Come back to my blog after then for more details. :)

Then I headed straight to Larina's reception at This is the Place Heritage Park. It was a beautiful reception. Got to catch up with some old friends. Definitely fun. :)

 

But alas! I had to leave the reception early too, in order to make it to the PTC performance of RENT!! It was brilliant! Rent is probably my favorite modern musical. I love it for so many reasons. I should probably write a separate blog for it. But that was my crazy July 25th. 12+ hours straight of awesome happiness. :)