Roles

Today, I took on a new role in my life. That is the role of Aunt.

My little sister had a daughter today. 8 lbs, 5 oz. 21 in.

It got me thinking about the various titles and roles we each take in our lives. I didn't ask for the role of being an aunt. It was thrust upon me. Not that I'm not happy about it, because I am beyond this world happy about it. :) But there are roles that we choose: wife, mother, friend. And roles that happen to us: daughter, sister, aunt, grandmother. There is a different sweetness in each kind of role. It's wonderful to think you've made the choice to be something for someone. It's a different kind of wonderful to think that someone chose you to be something for them, in a way.

I hope my niece is happy with her choice of an aunt (well, all six of her aunts, just on my side). I want to do my best to make her happy about it. Hopefully she likes the very Scottish Christmas present I got her. :)

Here is a picture of my mom holding the baby:





I'm excited to explore this new role and all its possibilities. I'm grateful for this opportunity. And I'm grateful to be a part of a family, especially one that is changing and growing. I'm excited for the prospect of my own changing and growing family someday. :)

Why I am So Happy!

You all thought this blog was going to pine away in wake of my Scotland blog, didn't you?

Never fear. This is still the foremost place that I will publicly express philosophical and psychological theories, as well as personal and spiritual experiences. :)

So last weekend I went to the Preston Temple for a YSA convention. Trivial details of the convention can be found on my other blog. But I really need to express another part of the convention that didn't belong on that blog.

Because this is not Utah/Idaho where everyone grows up in the Church, the convention planned only for baptisms in the temple because many YSAs are not endowed. I was a little bit disappointed because I really wanted to got through a session. But my roommate and I volunteered to help with the baptisms rather than perform them. Turns out there were too many volunteers to help, and my roommate and I were left without any duties. So, we went through a session.

After the session, I sat in the beautiful Celestial room (it was really one of the most beautiful Celestial rooms I've seen, with this fantastic window letting amazing sunlight in). I sat in there longer than I ever have before. Leaving felt like I would be inflicting a fatal wound to myself.

You see, I am in a foreign country studying something that is very easily corrupted. My classes are "rated R" based on language alone, disregarding the content of the shorts we often watch. I knew it would be that way, and I still felt very strongly this is what the Lord wanted me to do. I felt like I'd been prepared through carefully planned experiences to face the challenges of this year. And I still feel like I'm up to the challenge.

Because I have a Heavenly Father to fall back on. Who supports me through absolutely everything. He has gotten me through everything in my life so far, and I'm not afraid of anything I have to face in the future. I know I can turn to Him at any moment and be safe and uplifted.

I am incomprehensibly grateful for the opportunity I have to go to the temple and feel the Lord's love for me. As well as listening to living prophets any time I need to, to hear God's words for me specifically. This is a wonderful work, a wonderful time to be alive.

Draper YSA

Before I head out on my next adventure, I want/need to express some gratitude, humility, and excitement about where I've been for the past 20 months. I moved from my parents' house in Murray to a nice apartment in Draper, and there my life changed forever!

When I walked into the leasing office to look at the apartments, I knew absolutely that I needed to live there. I was ready to sign the lease without even looking at the apartments, and I knew I would make an effort to live there no matter what roommate situation I had to put up with.

Well, the first roommate I had was a disaster. But that enabled - encouraged - me to reach out to people in a way that I normally wouldn't. Which turned out to be...the best.

First I met this girl who loves and accepts without bounds...I seriously am blown away by how much she is willing to give others, and how unceasingly kind she is. Her friendship was the first life-preserver I caught in this new place.

Then I met another girl that knows how to live life to the ultimate capacity - every experience is exciting and precious and worth living! She taught me to really let go and relax (being a massage therapist helps). And to make my life epic!

And then there were two brothers that completed the outfit. They brought rationality, calmness, and intellectualism into the group. What they brought specifically to my life was a better understanding of understanding, including a widened perspective on forgiveness and acceptance. They helped me learn how to implement the positive changes I wanted to make in my life.

I got to know a lot of other people in Draper, but there are a couple of other girls that deserve a specific mention. This girl, who treats everyone equally, no matter what, which is something I admire extremely:

And this girl, who is like mango salsa: sweet and spicy at the same time. She brightens my day and is just plain awesome!:

Now for one of the most important people to mention is my bishop. He said some very profound things to me in our various meetings:

• You don't have to prove anything to anyone. You are already amazing because you are a daughter of God.
• You are beautiful and doing good things (I need to hear that often).
• Do the right thing and the rest will be taken care of. He quoted this scripture to me more than once:  

25 ^aTherefore I say unto you, Take no ^bthought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?
 26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

 27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

 28 And why take ye thought for raiment? ^aConsider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:

 29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

 30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, ^ashall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little ^bfaith?

 31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

 32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father ^aknoweth that ye have need of all these things.

 33 ^aBut ^bseek ye first the ^ckingdom of God, and his ^drighteousness; and all these ^ethings shall be ^fadded unto you.

 34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take ^athought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof. (Matthew 6:25-34)

So in conclusion, in case you didn't get what I was trying to say in this post, what I learned from living in Draper was to love more and worry less. To give without holding back, and without expecting in return. To forget when you forgive. So many things that sound easy but aren't. Living in Draper was an absolute necessity to make me into the person I really want to be. I will cherish the time I spent there and the people I met there by living better because of them.

The Sensualist

Well, I just had one of the best moments of my entire life - one I will remember forever. It was one of those moments where your emotions and nature conspire together to create perfection.

I was driving home from my parents' house (celebrating my mom's birthday - happy birthday!) and it was raining fairly hard, but there was intense lightning. I just so happened to have Muse's latest CD, The 2nd Law playing, and I decided to pump up the volume to the point of almost being painful (which is how Muse should be listened to).

As I drove down the freeway the music and the lightning together evoked electricity within me. My blood sang.

Let me pause here for a moment to explain the title of this blog entry. "The Sensualist" is a victim type according to Robert Greene's The Art of Seduction, which is a very useful psychological study on what attracts people to each other. Here is a synopsis of a Sensualist:

What marks these types is not their love of pleasure
but their overactive senses. Sometimes they show this quality in their
appearance—their interest in fashion, color, style. But sometimes it is
more subtle: because they are so sensitive, they are often quite shy, and
they will shrink from standing out or being flamboyant. You will recognize them by how responsive they are to their environment, how they
cannot stand a room without sunlight, are depressed by certain colors, or
excited by certain smells. They happen to live in a culture that deemphasizes
sensual experience (except perhaps for the sense of sight). And so
what the Sensualist lacks is precisely enough sensual experiences to appreciate and relish.

I am a Sensualist.

So here I am driving in my car, Muse on really loud, playing "Follow Me." There is a moment in the song when the drum syncopates and the bass drops into dubstep, and at that moment, lightning flashed across the sky.

This is what happened to me:



But seriously, it was an Herbal Essences moment. I was hyperventilating and screaming "yes" over and over. Hahaha. I know it sounds crazy, but this really happened in real life!! And then it happened again on the second chorus!!! I was ecstatic.

The song is really incredible for those who are still skeptical of my enthusiasm. My soul breached another realm where there is no difference between fantasy and reality, and I was sent back to earth to tell you all, MAGIC HAPPENS. It may be just a flicker in your ordinary days, but if you look for it, you will find it.

I am SO IN LOVE with life!!! Here's the song; it is absolutely brilliant.

Why Glee Has Changed My Life

In light of the death of the actor of one of my most favorite characters on Glee, Cory Monteith, I've decided to finally write the blog that ennumerates why I love Glee, and why I think I needed it in my life. For those of you who are haters, please stop reading now, and I don't want to hear your opinion. Thank you!

1. Glee taught me to stand up for myself. Not in a beat up everyone, bitterly condescending, backstabbing way. In a way that says, "This is who I am. It's not perfect, but I'm doing my best. If you can't appreciate that, then I don't need your negative influence in my life." There are many times on the show that a character feels like they are being oppressed of under-appreciated, but particularly I want to mention Brittany. She is totally overlooked a lot of the time, but she just keeps going, keeps being herself, and doesn't let what other people say or think about her keep her down, and I think that is awesome, and something that I and many people in the world should learn from.       
2. Glee showed me how to forgive and move on. I know it sounds ridiculous, but because of all the drama in the show, people dating people, then cheating on them, or leaving them for someone else, or spreading rumors, or bullying, or shaming, or a great number of horrid things to each other, the characters always manage to sing it out and be ok with each other. When I first started watching the show, I thought, how on earth can he dump that girl and be with another girl right in front of her face and she doesn't try to strangle him? But then I really began to think about it, and decided that my feelings of hurt and revenge were probably pretty extreme, and it took another extreme (because I still don't believe that people could completely forgive each other in such short amounts of time, but they can start the healing immediately) to counterbalance my mentality and bring me into the middle. Forgiveness is essential to human happiness, and we should be forgiving everyone regardless of how they've hurt us. Which leads me to my next point:
3. Glee showed me that everyone has value. It doesn't matter how different you are from someone, or what they've done/been through, or where they are from, or how intelligent or talented they are, every person on this planet has value and something to offer the world. We must remember that and treat everyone in a way that shows we understand they have value including ourselves. You, and everyone around you, has something inside of you that can change the world, so believe in yourself, believe in others, and share your light (talent, love, etc.) with everyone. The characters in Glee are always getting picked on, made fun of, etc., but they come to glee club and know that everyone there is their family, they are safe, and are appreciated. I want to create that kind of environment for anyone that I come in contact with.
4. Glee taught me that love is selfless. This lesson came primarily from Finn (Cory's character). Now, I've been taught this my whole life, but it is another thing to see it played out before you (even if it is a written script and acting). Two occasions I'd like to point out. First, at a high time of bullying for Kurt Hummel, Finn's future step-brother, Finn dresses up like a lobster (Lady Gaga style) and stands up to the football team (of which he is a part) that is harassing Kurt. Finn at that point makes a choice that he loves his friend/step-brother more than he loves his reputation or his team or other friends, and never backs down from that. He never turns his back on Kurt again.  Next, Finn takes his fiancee Rachel to the train station instead of the courthouse on the day they are supposed to get married so she can pursue her dreams of school in New York and Broadway. Enough said there, I will let this video say the rest:

Now for less serious things that Glee gave me.

• The desire to start taking voice lessons again (although that was pretty life-changing)
• A way to get certain friends to listen to amazing classic rock songs!!
• Another wonderful fandom (as if I need more)

That's all. Glee is awesome. I am devastated that my favorite character (and ideal for my future husband, let's be honest) can no longer be a part of the show, but I am grateful for what he gave the world while he was alive. Thanks, Cory.

A Female Thing

I had a really interesting/awesome experience this week.

On Thursday I went to the temple with a couple of friends, as I do every week. This week we decided to go out of our normal zone and to the Mount Timpanogos temple. When I was ~11 I went to the open house of this temple, and thought it was the most beautiful temple I'd seen and was determined to get married there. Only once had I ever returned, to do baptisms. So I was curious if I'd feel the same way when I returned this time, now that I could see the whole temple.

When we walked onto the temple grounds, my heart sang. And by that I mean beat so fast that it sent a sweet vibration through my whole circulatory system. All temples are beautiful, but somehow this one speaks to me in different way. It is not just beautiful, but gorgeous, which sounds weird for a building, but that's just how it is.Somehow the quadrilateral structure combining with feminine curves makes the whole presence of the building delicious to me.

 While inside the temple, I was looking through one of the long tall windows, probably the one that's lit up in the picture. I noticed that the panels were etched with gradually curved lines that look like waves and sand on a beach. There are no real beaches in Utah, so I thought that was interesting. As I kept observing the glass on the window, I couldn't find a real pattern to the curves in the etching. Some were fat, some were close to each other, some were curving up when the one below was curving down, or some were parallel. And I thought...temples are supposed to be perfect. Why is there not a pattern? Why isn't this symmetrical?

Then I realized...since when does perfect = symmetry and symmetry = beauty? It doesn't. In nature, you can find patterns in many plants and even animals, but they are not symmetrical. Most of them follow the Fibonacci sequence, in which each number is added to the previous number in the sequence, starting with 1. So we have 1. Then 1+0 (because there is no previous number)=1. Then 1+1=2. 2+1=3. And so forth. In nature, the numbers of petals on a flower, or spirals in a snail's shell often fall on a Fibonacci number, as well as the ratios of size between sections of a plant or animal.






Not symmetrical, but beautiful. Just like all of us!

I know I've struggled immensely with having a consistently positive self-image, and many women out there do. Men do too, but not nearly as often. Well, women and men, perfection=/=beauty. So find (at least) one thing on you that is beautiful, and cherish it. Soon you'll realize there is more than one. :)

Happy Easter Thoughts

Just going to blog about two really important things in one post. Hopefully it doesn't get out of control.

Last week, on March 27, 2013, I received an acceptance letter from my #1 choice of grad school at Edinburgh Napier University in Edinburgh, Scotland in a Masters of Arts in Screenwriting program. I have researched this school and pondered about actually going to grad school for over a year. It was not a decision I made lightly.

It's a huge decision - the expenses will be paid for almost entirely with loans, so I will be incurring more debt than I've ever had. I will be moving to a foreign country - alone this time - to live - alone - for a year. I will be completely on my own when it comes to everything I need to do to survive, from eating to writing a full length feature film. Some of it will be easy, because some of it I've done before. Some of it won't be, because there are some things I will have to do that I've never done on my own before, or I've always had a fail safe Plan B for.

The feelings I felt knowing that I was in the program, and that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing - what I feel like I was made to do - were astronomical. It really was too much for my body to comprehend. Then of course, there trickled in the gravity of what I was really doing. I was consciously taking my whole life, and hefting it into a higher plane of existence. A place that I hadn't known it would go. And that was followed with doubt - how am I going to pay for it? What if the loans don't cover enough and I don't save/earn enough, and I end up homeless in Scotland, or worse, have to leave? What if I don't have the talent it takes to get a career, or even a job, from this degree? What if I fail my classes? What if I get kidnapped? Each doubt more irrational than the one before (cause we all know I'd never get kidnapped - I'd kick their trash before they could take me).

I was battling these feelings - all the while still knowing that this was the right path for me to take - this morning. And then I began to remember this:


Of course because today is Easter, but in my stake, we've had the privilege of studying about the Atonement all month with this amazing 30-day study guide: http://atonementofjesuschrist.blogspot.com/.

And I combined what I'd learned from studying about the Atonement into what is going on in my life right now. What I learned was:

1. Heavenly Father loves me, and each of us, so much that He sent His Only Begotten Son to stuffer every pain imaginable (physical, emotional, and spiritual) so that we would never have to be alone and we could always receive strength from Jesus Christ.
2. Jesus Christ also paid the price for every sin ever committed on this earth, and if we accept that payment (by obedience and our own sacrifices), we can return to live with Heavenly Father and Jesus in glory forever.
3. We only need to call on our Father and Brother to receive the help and strength we need. We should talk to them all the time, really, because having a closer relationship with them makes everything in our lives happier and easier.

Well, here I am, desperately needing help, and with this beautiful knowledge that it is there, waiting for me to take it.

It's still scary, but I know I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I also know that the Lord will provide for me to grow to the capacity I need to be at to handle the challenges, as well as provide solutions to the challenges I will face...for the rest of my life.

I never would have made it this far without Him, but also wouldn't have made it without a few other people/experiences:

1. Obviously my parents, as well as all my sisters, who have been in examples to me in ways they probably don't even realize.
2. BYU-Idaho, where I realized my passions and purpose, and also learned how to be my own woman and truly find joy in life. As well as meet my two best friends, Diana Toronto and Kristen Cox, and Stephanie Palmer who introduced to me the idea of going to grad school in the UK (and is also a wonderful friend).
3. Living in Germany, which taught me that I am smart and capable, and I can stand on my own two feet without falling. I also made many new best friends there who taught me how to love (Miriam Blanchette), work hard (Hiu Tung Hung), and be patient (Kurt Thatcher).
4. Living in Draper, which has helped me refine so many edges of my personality that I feel like I'm a completely different person because of what I've learned here. I am so grateful for a bishop who challenges me to be more than what I have become. Also so grateful for my other best friend Jill Christensen who has rocked my world into epicness, and Andrew Clark and Jenna Bowman who probably have no idea what a stellar influence they've had on me. :)
5. The opportunity I've had to go to the temple and learn about Heavenly Father's plan for me and all of us. The knowledge I have gained there is more precious than any knowledge I will ever get from school. Also thanks to Rachel Fisihetau, Candace Larsen, and Stephanie Palmer for getting me to go regularly and keeping me going regularly.

I know that I am watched over and loved by a Father in Heaven who knows every bit of me. I am grateful to know of His amazing plan that allows me to return to Him and reach my full potential. I am excited to live His plan and do amazing things with my life (even if I don't know how it will happen!).

Why I Love Red Hair

So, it's been a while since I've posted, and I have written several posts in my head, but just haven't had the time to write them out. But this one will be short and sweet (well...relatively). And it's something that I feel very passionately about.

Some people lately have been surprised/in awe of the fact that I love red hair. Love is really too weak a word for it, but in the limitations of my language, visual effects will have to suffice to emphasize my feelings. A friend postulated that many, if not most people, say they don't have a preference for the hair color of people they date, as long as it's not red, and I am the exact opposite (and that makes me weird). To all you ginger-haters out there, I present a list of why red hair makes my heart sing (on men and women, all red hair is beautiful).

1. Ever heard of a precious metal called Copper? It looks like red hair:Copper   Red hair
2. Freckles on women=adorable:    
3. Freckles on men=delicious:      
4. From my observation, red hair tends to be shinier than average other colors:      
5. Curly red hair=HAWT!! (on men and women):   
6. Red hair has many, many shades, that all look brilliant:          
7. Red hair gives you license to kick butt if needed:   
8. Red hair makes you invincible (this is a proven fact I learned when I dyed my hair red continuously for 4-5 years):   
9. Red hair=royal genetics:   
10. Red hair is often associated with being Irish and Scottish, two cultures known for being kick-awesome:     
11. Ron Weasley:  
12. Ginny Weasley:   
13. Fred Weasley:  
14. George Weasley:    
15. Charlie Weasley:   (thanks to this deviant artist because Charlie was not portrayed in the movies).
16. Bill Weasley:   
17. Arthur Weasley:   
18. And most especially, Molly Weasley:   
19. Lots of celebrities wish they had red hair:           
20. Even black girls gotsta shout:   
21. Red heads are known for being the sassy ones:   
22. Everyone wants green eyes, and they look the best with red hair:
23. And lastly, Rupert Grint (yes, he is different than Ron Weasley):