My Soul Purpose

This post is inspired by Glee and The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and of course LDS general conference.

I saw The Perks of Being a Wallflower yesterday, and I found it to be a very touching movie. I wouldn't recommend if for everyone, but if you're like me and you enjoy stories where people face (and sometimes conquer, but sometimes don't conquer) the harsh realities of life, especially growing up, I would highly recommend it.

It touched me for a lot of reasons, but mostly because I related so strongly to the main character. Fortunately, I wasn't abused as a kid; I grew up in a very stable, loving home and my parents still love and support me, all my sisters, and each other. I consider myself extremely lucky for that. Nor did my friends in high school drug me for entertainment (although some of them wanted to). But Charlie said a line in there that struck me like playing the harp with my veins. It was something like: Do you ever feel like if you really shared what was in your head, everyone around you would think you're crazy?

Like I said, I lived a normal, happy childhood (well, considering I wasn't really a normal kid), but once I became a teenager, I started experiencing things that were hard, and dark. Maybe my friends haven't shared everything with me, but in comparing experiences back then, and with friends I have now, of middle school and high school, I kinda think a lot of the things I experienced were outside of the normal range of growing up, finding yourself, dealing-with-hormones-and-feelings-you've-never-had-before experiences.

When I was in high school, I was obsessed with someone, just one person, understanding me and where I was coming from. So much so that I poured my heart out to so many people, most of whom didn't really care or honestly couldn't relate. I don't blame any of them, and quite honestly, wouldn't be surprised if everyone who went to high school with me thinks I'm completely crazy, including the ones I'm still in contact with (and thank you, for sticking around). When I finally realized that I was making things worse for myself, I stopped sharing so much, and started feeling like a normal person.

But Kelly Clarkson's song "Dark Side" put a bolt through my heart. I know, and have known, everyone has a dark side. Still I've refused to believe that anyone's is like mine. Some are certainly worse. Some are comparatively trivial. But the song opened up to me the possibility of finally letting someone back in.

Glee has often struck chords within me, addressing the challenges teenagers face in so many decisions that they are not well-equipped to make, and reminding me of the decisions I've made, and also giving me a little motivation to follow my dreams (yeah, it's cheesy, but everything about Glee is, so deal with it). In the episode I caught up on tonight, Rachel gives this speech to Finn about how he was her first love. And once again, the chords in my heart sang. My first love, he did all those things for me that Rachel said Finn did for her: made her feel visible, and sexy, and loved. And if he could do that once, when we were 17, as the only person who knew (and still knows) the depth and breadth of my dark side, I can trust and have faith that someone else can do that again. If he reads this, I want to thank him, for being the only man who ever understood me. And I hope he remembers that I will always love him.

But that's not the point of this post. The point is that I have a dark side, but I have worked hard and long to tame and control it, and it doesn't rule me. It doesn't drive me. Now it's there to remind me of my soul purpose: to do whatever I can to prevent others from feeling small, helpless, or unlovable. I'm nowhere near perfect at it, but I am going to do something every day for the rest of my life to work at it.

This song feels right at the moment. Wonderful track from Muse's new album The 2nd Law (out last Tuesday, shameless plug to check it out because it will shift your music paradigm), sung by the bassist Chris Wolstenholme. It's called "Save Me."

To conclude, I have to give credit for everything to my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. They made me who I am, good and dark, and I love every bit of where I've been to get me here. And the only reason I know I'll survive the rest of the future is through Them and Their plan. I know I have a long journey ahead, but I've learned that as long as I keep moving my legs, They will make sure my foot falls in the right place. This weekend I was reminded of that so many times, so with renewed conviction, I'm following my dreams and fulfilling my soul purpose.

July: Month of Action! 4th Weekend

This weekend was also most excellent, but first one event from the previous weekend I forgot to mention: I tested for my blue belt in karate!! I tested after only being in karate for seven months, which is pretty awesome because usually it takes 9-12 months to get to your blue belt. :)

So on July 21st, a Thursday, a wonderful event happened. My dear friend Remington came down from Rexburg to go the the Foreinger and Journey concert with me!! It was spectacular. Foreigner is one of my top 3 favorite bands (with Muse and Heart), and I had previously gone to a concert where they played, but missed their entire act because traffic was so horrible! So I was STOKED when I found out they were coming again. And Journey is just disgustingly awesome, and no one can deny it.

So we went to the concert and it was incredible! Night Ranger was the opening band, and even though I only recognized one of their songs they put on an awesome show. Respect. It definitely set up the right mood.

Then Foreigner came on....oh my heart had wings. They played all my favorites, "Urgent," "Cold as Ice," "Hot Blooded," of course, and came back for an encore with "Juke Box Hero"! which is probably one of the most brilliant songs of all time! Remington and I found out we are both associated among our separate circles of friends with that song, and I bought the shirt for it, too. Beautiful. Wonderful!! I was in rapture.

By the time Journey got to the stage, it was too dark to get very good pictures, plus their light show was amazing (almost as amazing as Muse!) so that made it even more difficult. But they were completely rockin' in concert!! The new singer is incredible! He sang with ultimate intensity and was jumping all over the stage and totally melting everyone's face off. The lead guitar rocked the solos too....it was just brilliant. Without doubt, this was the 2nd best concert I've ever seen!

The next evening was Alyssa's wedding reception, which was a brilliant masquerade ball. I thought that was pretty much an awesome idea and I'm a little sad I couldn't use it first...but I'm sure I'll come up with something equally brilliant. My favorite part was of course, the exotic cheese selection, but followed closely by the fact we got to wear a little bit fancier dresses than normal and wear masks all night! Sarah, Kristan and I went around the wooded areas (it was held in a park) and took a lot of vanity pictures. So I'll end with those and for more practical details of the receptions, see Jill's blog post.

Also, Saturday, July 23rd, was my one year anniversary of graduation from BYU-Idaho. :)

July: Month of Action! 2nd Weekend

So the second weekend, on the 8th, was one of the best nights ever!! The Karaoke Cafe, where my friends and I often go to sing our hearts out and have the greatest fun, was having an 80s party. So I went with my sisters Camilla and Sarah, and my friends Rachel Fishetau, Rachel Lund, and Rio Zirker. It was so awesome!!

They had a costume contest, so you know I got all into that. I actually made it into the final round, but a kid dressed up as Prince won. I am happy to admit his costume was way better than mine. It was pretty legit.

All in all, we were able to sing a bit, although we weren't able to sing together as a group as much as we wanted. I personally sang: "Jessie's Girl," "Shot Through the Heart," "Sweet Child O' Mine," and "We're Not Gonna Take It." That was pretty fantastic. :)


Then on the 9th I had a wedding reception of a dear, wonderful friend, the older brother I never had, Mark Shepard. He married an awesome, sassy girl, Kirstin, whom I am a big fan of. They got married on June 18, but had a wonderful (I'm sure) 16 day honeymoon in Hawaii, then came home and had their receptions. :)

 

I guess that weekend wasn't quite as adventure filled, so since the next one is, I'll spill into the next week on this post. :)

On the 12th, Kristan and I went to get our vaccinations for Peru. Normally people don't get very excited about shots, but when they are crazy South American diseases and they mean that you are one step closer the the adventure of a lifetime, they are awesome! Plus I've got kind of a sick things for needles, as in I like donating blood and plasma and stuff. I know.

So we got Yellow Fever shots and Typhoid pills full of live bacteria!! Whoo!! For some reason I think it's awesome to be blood-full of exotic diseases...maybe it makes me feel dangerous?

Well, more on the next two weeks later!

June 25, 2011=Crazy

So I meant to write this sooner...once again I suck at this updating thing. But here it is.

So June 25th was probably the craziest day of my life thus far, and I really need to document it correctly. I left the house at about 10:15 a.m. (thank goodness it was that late of a start) and drove to the Bountiful temple where my friend JoNeale Graves was getting married. Just a word on JoNeale: we've been friends for 22-23 years. She is one of the most incredible people currently on the earth. We've had so many adventures together, and our friendship only gets sweeter and richer. In over two decades, I'm sure we've never had a disagreement. We've kept in close contact through her living in the Phillipines twice, me living in Germany and Arizona, and going to different colleges in different states. Best friendship ever.

JoNeale's ceremony started at 10:40, but the Bountiful temple was so packed with weddings that rumors were going around that pretty much all the weddings were delayed about 15 minutes. This was not good news for me. Finally I found JoNeale's family coming out of the ceremony (she has 11 siblings - 8 brothers and 3 sisters). Then JoNeale and her new husband Jon came out. They looked great!

JoNeale is super chill and not into formality so they weren't taking pictures for very long. Since I had pressing matters to attend to, I only stayed to take lots of pictures of JoNeale and her family and one of us together. :)

Then I sped away from that temple and went straight to the Salt Lake temple where my friend Larina was getting married. Her ceremony started at 11:40; I left Bountiful at 12:20. I am not afraid to admit I took a 45 mph road at 80+mph to get there. I got there right after Larina and her new husband Josh got out of the temple, so a little later than I would prefer, but still on time! A word about Larina: we've been friends since 7th grade, and we have been huge supports to each other through all the drama of teenagehood, college, her mission, and everything we've ever been through since we met pretty much. We have been temple buddies for a long time too. :) She and Josh were SOO happy!! :)

Afterwards was Larina's luncheon, which was delicious and I got to spend some time with my other excellent friends Laurel and Rachel. :)

 

Then I had to leave the luncheon a little early to go to a meeting for my trip to Peru in August!! So excited!! We talked about getting our vaccinations, planned out our service to two Peruvian villages in the Amazon jungle, and also talked a little about going to Cusco and Machu Picchu!! WHOO!! I'm just stoked out of my brain. August 3-17. Come back to my blog after then for more details. :)

Then I headed straight to Larina's reception at This is the Place Heritage Park. It was a beautiful reception. Got to catch up with some old friends. Definitely fun. :)

 

But alas! I had to leave the reception early too, in order to make it to the PTC performance of RENT!! It was brilliant! Rent is probably my favorite modern musical. I love it for so many reasons. I should probably write a separate blog for it. But that was my crazy July 25th. 12+ hours straight of awesome happiness. :)