Philosophical Crisis

So this morning I was reading in my book, Get a Grip on Philosophy, about Socrates. Socrates reportedly lived this life of self-reflections and virtue, continually questioning in himself and in everyone around him what their innermost motivations were, and how to make those motivations into the absolute best ones. He was put on trial for upsetting so many people by expecting them (untactfully) to improve their wicked ways.

I've never wanted to be self- righteous, but this reminded me of myself. Probably because I recently had an experience where I told someone they needed to change their ways and I lost a friendship from it. But I absolutely don't regret it.

So I began to ponder on the best way to live, thinking about Socrates' questions. Am I living the best life that I can? No, of course not.

Then on the way to church, I was listening to the classical station and they were playing an excerpt from a speech, and the man, don't know who it was, was talking about saying "please" and "thank you," and how a smile, or a compliment, or a thank you card, can all be some of the most important moments in someone's life. And this happens to be something I've been trying to work on forrrrrrrreeeeeeeevvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrr. So then I felt even worse about not living the best life I can.

During church, I don't remember all the thoughts and feelings I had, but I remember a few distinct ones. I remembered how my life has been changed and blessed through the girls that visit taught me and whom I visit taught my freshman year of college. It was brought to my attention how emcompassing the Atonement is, and how it can heal all wounds. I pondered on the things that occupy my thoughts, and what they say about me as a person. And I remembered how much I want to be better about living my testimony and attending the temple.

Then I realized something. It's outlined in 2 Nephi, 2:27:

• Wherefore, men are free according to the flesh; and all things are given them which are expedient unto man. And they are free to choose liberty and eternal life, through the great Mediator of all men, or to choose captivity and death, according to the captivity and power of the devil; for he seeketh that all men might be miserable like unto himself.

God has given us everything we ever need, but whatever we do with it is our choice. I have the tools I need to become a better person. I just need to make the choice now to do it.

The girl who spoke in sacrament meeting put it very well. You just have to fake it 'til you make it. If you are wanting to change something, you wake up one day and tell yourself "I'm the best at (insert changed characteristic here)," and then you keep acting like it until it's comfortable, and then it becomes true through time. I strongly believe in this idea. So many times I have had friends come to me saying that they wish they were something, and I always say, don't wish it, be it. Just start doing it.

I have tried many times to follow my own advice, but usually I lose motivation after a while. I start thinking patterns of "this isn't my natural character," "why should I change this?" or "what's wrong with being a cynically bitter recluse anyway?"

But the truth about all of those excuses is: I don't want to be that way. The person I want to be is someone else. So what if my natural character wants to sit quietly and unnoticed? That doesn't mean that I can't also be friendly and make people's days better.

So I started right away. I spent time with my roommate, which is the first time I have just hung out with her in the 6 weeks we've lived together/known each other. I texted a girl in my ward to tell her that I appreciated her. I complimented the girl I sat next to in sacrament on her singing voice. And it's not going to stop tomorrow or the next day.

What I know is this: God loves me and has given me everything. It is my duty to help Him by uplifting others. It is something I want to do. So I am the best compliment giver ever. I am the best hugger ever. I am the best at telling the truth kindly. And I am the best at calling upon His strength to help me know how to do these things.

For so long I have been trying to figure out who I am, and be it, but so afraid that who I am wouldn't be good enough for some people. But really, every time that's happened, I don't care. If they don't think I'm good enough, I don't need them. Why should I be afraid? Also, I can be whoever I want to be if I make up my mind to do it, so I'm going to do it.

I finally joined Pinterest tonight as an expression of not being afraid to show the world who I am. Odd, trivial maybe. But as a lover of definition and expression, it's about time I did some of my own.