A New Life

So I have this wonderful friend who is also a writer, much, much better than I am, and we bounce ideas off each other, critique each other's work, edit each other's grammar, and everything fantastic and English nerdy. The other day he emailed me a synopsis for a novel that he wants to write, and just the synopsis was so inspiring that I decided I needed to change my life. Haha. Which is a good thing, because until I told him how amazing it was, he was going to scrap the whole idea and the world would've been deprived of a fantastically written and truly inspiring sci-fi novel. :)

As a step in my new life, I have come up with a New Life Theme Music cd. I could probably write an entire blog for each song and why it has affected me so much lately, but I'll try to be more brief (haha! like I was ever brief!)

1. Easier to Run - Linkin Park. I like this song right now, because it recognizes how hard it is to change, especially when you are struggling to overcome a shameful/dark/broken past. The speaker says it's easier to run, but he never says he does run. And I have felt that way many, many times since moving back home in November.
2. A New Life - from Jekyll and Hyde sung by Linda Eder. I think this is kinda self-explanatory given the name of the mix. Haha. But this song is about the hope, and also the reality of starting over. There is uncertainty, but conviction that you will make it through.
3. Never Too Late - Three Days Grace. I was telling my friend last Thursday about Alma the Younger and the sons of Mosiah and how they went from the "very vilest of sinners" (see Mosiah 28:4) to men whose power would shake the jaws of hell (Alma 48:17-18). I told my friend I loved that idea...that no matter how far you've gone, it's never too late to start over. And if you're granted enough time, you can even make it to the extreme opposite. :)
4. Breaking the Habit - Linkin Park. I used to despise this song because of the people it reminded me of, and I still don't love it, but it has merit. First of all, it says "I'm breaking the habit tonight," which again indicates that idea of turning around, and immediately. There's no point in waiting. Also, I love the line "I don't know how I got this way; I know it's not all right," because sometimes...you don't know why something happened, and you don't need to know. You just need to fix it.
5. Candles - Hey Monday (I have the Glee version though). This song is about getting over someone, and being okay with being alone and on your own for a while. Honestly this idea is pretty new to me, not that I always felt like I needed a boyfriend or anything to feel worthwhile, but I do think that I used other people to define me...and I don't need to. I can define myself.
6. Many a New Day - from Oklahoma! This song is specifically about not mourning about losing a man in your life, but the message I'm taking from it is there's no need to dwell on or regret something that happened to you. It happened, it's done, now move on. And I don't think I'm always good at that (I'm probably better at it when it comes to guys, but not other things...).
7. Winter's on the Wing - from The Secret Garden. Snow and cold melting into green, warmth, and new life. Plus the singer has a hot Scottish accent. :)
8. Blackbird - The Beatles (again I have the Glee version). The image in this song makes me think of a little bird standing on the edge of a darkness...a tunnel, forest, whatever, about to take flight into it. This is a pretty common idea...taking a leap of faith into the dark and trusting it will turn out okay. I also like the lyrics: "All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise," which to me indicate that the bird will take this chance to fly higher than it ever had before.
9. Thank U - Alanis Morissette. This song pretty much exactly describes a lot of the little goals and things I want to clean up in my life, like "How about stopping eating when I'm full up?" Also, "How about how good it feels to finally forgive you?" because there are a few loose ends that have been tangling me up for a while, and I finally took care of them. Other lines I really love: "How about me enjoying the moment for once? How about no longer being masochistic? How about remembering your divinity? How about unabashedly bawling your eyes out?"
10. Say the Same - Hoobastank. This song is about parting ways with someone who was a big part of your life...also something I've been trying to do.The great thing about the song is that it isn't a parting because of hate or strife, it's simply because that person's purpose is done; you're just going separate ways. It addresses appreciation for having these people in your life, admiration, adoration, etc, but in the end, you're just separating, and that's fine. Being back at home sometimes gives you this sense of obligation to bet together and bff again with the people you used to be bff with. But...truth is, you've all beem apart and grown and you're all different now. And that's ok, you don't have to be bff again.
11. Hello - Lionel Richie (also covered by Incubus, but I have the Glee version which is fantastic). This song is just plain beautiful. Also, the way I interpret it is an address to a future lover. I'm trying to follow the advice to become the person you want to marry...so this is something that influences a lot of my decisions.
12. As If We Never Said Goodbye - from Sunset Blvd (also covered by Barbara Streisand, but I of course, have the Glee version). This is another one on the theme of coming home. Ever since I went up to school for the first time, being back in Murray, or Utah at all (except Logan for a few days at a time...sometimes), was absolutely miserable. I didn't keep it a secret that I hated being back in Murray. But this time, since I don't know how long I'll be here, or how I'll escape, I decided I need to face the music and find a way to enjoy it. I've taken up some new hobbies, new hang outs, and most importantly, addressed some unfinished business that makes living here much more pleasant.
13. Moving Forward - Hoobastank. I think the name is self-explanatory, but these lyrics are even more telling: "I'll take the first step of a million more, and I'll make mistakes I've never made before, but at least I'm moving forward." I'm definitely a perfectionist, and I don't like making mistakes. So I've been trying to keep this song in mind as I explore uncharted territories.
14. He Lives in You - from The Lion King (the Broadway musical). Gotta bring The Lion King in to take this to a spiritual level. I can't forget how important it is to stay true to who I am, a daughter of a Heavenly Father, and keep Him a part of me while I take my life in a different path.
15. The First of Me - Hoobastank. This song addresses the challenge of being true to yourself and not selling your soul out in a world that is constantly offering so-called prizes in exchange for that soul. This is something I believe very strongly in, and is something that I will take any measure in the world to maintain.
16. Born This Way - Lady Gaga (but I put the Glee version on this mix cause it's better!). It's also important to remember where you've come from and what good things you bring into the world. Everyone has talents and gifts to offer the world, and everyone is beautiful in their own way. And God doesn't make mistakes! So all those pieces of you that are good...those should stay, and you should cultivate them and harness their power. :)
17. Raise Your Glass - Pink (but once again, I put the Glee version in my mix. :) ). This one is just on there because in the end, I want to accept who I am and party with it. :)

Before I end this, I must make another note. I originally made this list without the Linkin Park songs, but I felt like something was missing. I kept thinking, there must be a band who sings about the pain of change, because so far everything else was so optimistic and upbeat, but I also wanted to address the reality of change, especially when you're trying to change your character. It hurts, and it's hard. Back in high school, I loved Linkin Park because I felt they exactly expressed a lot of the pain/frustration/anger I felt during that time of my life. So I don't know why it took me a few days to realize Linkin Park was the band I was looking for, but I am grateful that pain is something universal, and I'm also grateful for what I learn from it. :)