Final Analysis of the Twilight Saga

So over the past few months, my sister Jill and my dear friend Jill have both been...pressuring...me to watch the Twilight movies. Watch, because they knew reading was beyond the powers of their persuasion. And out of a great act of love, I did. Here's my synopsis:

1. Twilight: Hilariously disgusting.
2. New Moon: Horrific.
3. Eclipse: Hilariously disturbing.
4. Breaking Dawn #1: Unnerving, and yet...decent.
5. Breaking Dawn #2:  Continuously decent, and then hilariously violent.

Now, I could probably write a huge essay detailing why I feel this way. But I will try to be precise. For more details on my views on the despicable morality of Twilight, see here. But for my more optimistic views now that I've seen the whole story, stay right where you're at.

1. Bella and Edward's relationship.

I still think that Edward is just a prettier version of Anakin Skywalker. Super obsessive and creepy. Yeah, I'll be honest. I found that kind of ardent attention attractive (in Anakin), until I dated a guy who gave me that kind of attention. Ladies: it is not exciting or flattering or endearing after about...two days. It is a burden; it causes fear and anxiety in your life. Some women are willing to continue putting up with it. It took Padme's life to do so. I almost did it, too, and thank goodness that path of my life was intervened.

BUT: Once they get married, their relationship changes. Actually, I should say, once they find out Bella's pregnant (don't get me started on the holes in the logic here, such as a 100-year-old vampire having semen) their relationship changes. According to Gary Chapman, author of The Five Love Languages, the "falling in love" sensation lasts about two years. After that, love requires commitment and choice and dedication and all those things that everyone warns you about. Bella and Edward's two years were long up by they time they get married. But the dedication they showed to each other in the face of this huge trial was surprising to me. And then after the "baby" was born, the continued dedication they showed to each other and their daughter was impressive. Yes, impressive. I was impressed. So that was pretty much the most redeeming aspect of the entire series. Bella and Edward were pretty good parents and the message about family unity was undeniably timely.

2. Bella and Jacob's relationship.

Let me put this out there: WHY on earth would you date/marry a creepy-face killer when you could marry an immensely attractive wolf man who completely accepts you for who you are, understands your feelings and your viewpoint, and keeps you warm at night? Done and done.

Clearly if I were on a team, it would be Team Jacob. Yeah, it's not as magnetic or electric or whatever as Bella and Edward's "Chemistry." Well, let me tell you something about chemistry. All reactions reach a point where are the molecules have spent their energy and there is nothing left to react. What lasts forever? True friendship. This is what healthy relationships are based on.

The whole imprint thing still sicks me out.

3. Overall plot arc.

I always thought the idea of a teenager falling in love with a vampire was intriguing. Ever since I read the first book, anyway. Great premise for a story. A government for vampires (thereby establishing a history and depth to their reality)? Brilliant. Arch-enemies in werewolves? Not too creative, but overcoming that for love...that has potential. All of these were poorly executed. But good ideas. Good enough ideas that they do in fact contribute to my resevoir of writing inspiration. The story contributes. Not the writing. And especially not the "no killing my main characters" stuff, and not because of a strong non-violence standpoint like Aang has (The Last Airbender). Am I happy that Fred Weasley died? Heck to the no!! It still hurts my heart to think about it. But am I glad Rowling did it? Yes. It increases my respect for her as a writer, and also in a battle of good vs evil, there has to be casualties, and just because someone loves you, doesn't mean you're safe. However, Twilight was not a story of good vs evil. It wasn't even a story of moral growth or strength. That's probably why the parenthood was my favorite part of the whole thing: because it revealed the most moral character in Bella and Edward (and the whole Cullen family, as well as Jacob). This is a story without archetypes or symbolism. It's sole purpose was to explore the aspects of love, and it doesn't even start on real love until after they get married.

4. Femininity:

I was for a long while appalled at Bella's perturbing setbacks in portraying independent female protagonists (by independent I mean thinking for themselves, making hard choices because it's what's best and not necessarily what they want, having grown-up emotions). But she almost entirely redeemed that with her motherhood. Because motherhood is the pinnacle of femininity.


So there you have it. Now I've seen the whole thing. I didn't hate every minute of it (although there were moments in every movie when I found myself asking "why isn't this over yet?" and I laughed out loud at inappropriate parts of each movie). I found some shiny (or glittering?) beacons of hope in it. But I don't feel the need to ever watch it again. Maybe if I was on lortab. ;)

Quotables 3

• I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow. - Woodrow Wilson
• He that always gives way to others will end up having no principles of his own. - Aesop
• The sweat of hard work is not to be displayed. It is much more graceful to appear favored by the gods. - Maxine Hong Kingston
• Love and kindness are never wasted. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver. - Barbara DeAngelis
• It's a funny thing about life. If you refuse to accept anything but the best you very often get it. - Somerset Maugham
• Practice doesn't make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect. - Vince Lombardi
• The minute you start talking about what you're going to do if you lose, you have lost. - George Schultz
• Truth is the only safe ground to stand on. - Elizabeth Cady Stanton
• We must use time wisely and forever realize that the time is always ripe to do right. - Nelson Mandela
• I still have my feet on the ground, I just wear better shoes. - Oprah Winfrey
• There are no days in life so memorable as those which vibrated to some stroke of the imagination. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• More grows in the garden than the gardener knows he has sown. - Spanish proverb
• Better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness. - Chinese proverb
• Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm. - Winston Churchill
• The world is a pretty good sort of a world, and it is our duty to make the best of it, and be thankful. - Benjamin Franklin
• We cannot control the evil tongues of others, but a good life enables us to disregard them. - Cato the Elder
• Derive happiness in oneself from a good day's work, from illuminating the fog that surrounds us. - Henry Matisse
• Success is a lousy teacher. It seduces smart people into thinking they can't lose. - Bill Gates
• You have to trust yourself, be what you are, and do what you ought to do the way you should do it. - Barbra Steisand
• If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. - Mother Teresa
• Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart, don't nkow how to laugh either. - Golda Meir
• All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion, and desire. - Aristotle
• I do not think much of a man who does not know more today than he did yesterday. - Abraham Lincoln
• At the center of your being you have the answer. You know who you are and you know what you want. - Lao-Tzu
• The weak can nnever forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong. - Mahatma Gandhi
• It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. - William Blake
• When a decision has to be made, make it. There is no totally right time for anything. - General George Patton
• Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. - Oscar Wilde
• When you relinquish the desire to control your future, you can have more happiness. - Nicole Kidman
• The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity if every difficulty. - Winston Churchill
• What wisdom can you find that is greater than kindness? - Jean Jacques Rousseau
• The little unremembered acts of kindness and love are the best parts of a person's life. - William Wordsworth
• I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. - Thomas Edison
• The trees that are slow to grow bear the best fruit. - Moliere
• It is more rewarding to watch money change the world than watch it accumulate. - Gloria Steinem
• The difficult I can do today. The impossible will take a little longer. - Billie Holiday
• Victory belongs to the most presevering. - Napoleon Bonaparte
• Life is like playing a violin in public and learnning the instrument as one goes on. - Samuel Butler
• If A is a success in life, then A equals X+Y+Z. Work is X Y is play; and Z is keeping your mouth shut. - Albert Einstein
• It doesn't pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself. - Lucille Ball
• While we are postponing, life speeds by. - Seneca
• How much easier it is to be critical than to be correct. - Bejamin Disraeli
• To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires courage. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
• Let us not look back in anger, of forward with fear, but around in awareness. - James Thurber
• Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein
• When it's all over, it's not who you were, it's whether or not you made a difference. - Bob Dole
• People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built. - Eleanor Roosevelt
• I don't care what anybody says about me as long as it isn't true. - Dorothy Parker
• Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress. - Gandhi
• If you can't sleep, get up and do something instead of lying there worrying. The worry gets you, not the loss of sleep. - Dale Carnegie
• When you get to the end of your rope, with a know and hang on. - Franklin D. Roosevelt
• Imagination is the highest kite one can fly. - Lauren Bacall
• The longer I live the more beautiful life becomes. - Frank Lloyd Wright
• It is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness. - Seneca
• Gratitude is the sign of noble souls. - Aesop
• Grief can take care of itself, but to get the full value of joy you must have somebody to divide it with. - Mark Twain
• It's better to explore life and make mistakes than to play it safe. Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life. - Sophia Loren

My Soul Purpose

This post is inspired by Glee and The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and of course LDS general conference.

I saw The Perks of Being a Wallflower yesterday, and I found it to be a very touching movie. I wouldn't recommend if for everyone, but if you're like me and you enjoy stories where people face (and sometimes conquer, but sometimes don't conquer) the harsh realities of life, especially growing up, I would highly recommend it.

It touched me for a lot of reasons, but mostly because I related so strongly to the main character. Fortunately, I wasn't abused as a kid; I grew up in a very stable, loving home and my parents still love and support me, all my sisters, and each other. I consider myself extremely lucky for that. Nor did my friends in high school drug me for entertainment (although some of them wanted to). But Charlie said a line in there that struck me like playing the harp with my veins. It was something like: Do you ever feel like if you really shared what was in your head, everyone around you would think you're crazy?

Like I said, I lived a normal, happy childhood (well, considering I wasn't really a normal kid), but once I became a teenager, I started experiencing things that were hard, and dark. Maybe my friends haven't shared everything with me, but in comparing experiences back then, and with friends I have now, of middle school and high school, I kinda think a lot of the things I experienced were outside of the normal range of growing up, finding yourself, dealing-with-hormones-and-feelings-you've-never-had-before experiences.

When I was in high school, I was obsessed with someone, just one person, understanding me and where I was coming from. So much so that I poured my heart out to so many people, most of whom didn't really care or honestly couldn't relate. I don't blame any of them, and quite honestly, wouldn't be surprised if everyone who went to high school with me thinks I'm completely crazy, including the ones I'm still in contact with (and thank you, for sticking around). When I finally realized that I was making things worse for myself, I stopped sharing so much, and started feeling like a normal person.

But Kelly Clarkson's song "Dark Side" put a bolt through my heart. I know, and have known, everyone has a dark side. Still I've refused to believe that anyone's is like mine. Some are certainly worse. Some are comparatively trivial. But the song opened up to me the possibility of finally letting someone back in.

Glee has often struck chords within me, addressing the challenges teenagers face in so many decisions that they are not well-equipped to make, and reminding me of the decisions I've made, and also giving me a little motivation to follow my dreams (yeah, it's cheesy, but everything about Glee is, so deal with it). In the episode I caught up on tonight, Rachel gives this speech to Finn about how he was her first love. And once again, the chords in my heart sang. My first love, he did all those things for me that Rachel said Finn did for her: made her feel visible, and sexy, and loved. And if he could do that once, when we were 17, as the only person who knew (and still knows) the depth and breadth of my dark side, I can trust and have faith that someone else can do that again. If he reads this, I want to thank him, for being the only man who ever understood me. And I hope he remembers that I will always love him.

But that's not the point of this post. The point is that I have a dark side, but I have worked hard and long to tame and control it, and it doesn't rule me. It doesn't drive me. Now it's there to remind me of my soul purpose: to do whatever I can to prevent others from feeling small, helpless, or unlovable. I'm nowhere near perfect at it, but I am going to do something every day for the rest of my life to work at it.

This song feels right at the moment. Wonderful track from Muse's new album The 2nd Law (out last Tuesday, shameless plug to check it out because it will shift your music paradigm), sung by the bassist Chris Wolstenholme. It's called "Save Me."

To conclude, I have to give credit for everything to my Heavenly Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. They made me who I am, good and dark, and I love every bit of where I've been to get me here. And the only reason I know I'll survive the rest of the future is through Them and Their plan. I know I have a long journey ahead, but I've learned that as long as I keep moving my legs, They will make sure my foot falls in the right place. This weekend I was reminded of that so many times, so with renewed conviction, I'm following my dreams and fulfilling my soul purpose.